Hi,
I talked to Sandy today. Her husband is in ICU. He is critical, but stable. Sandy says he is very weak. Please pray for the Lord to give him a full recovery. Please pray that he will truly come to know Jesus Our Lord and Savior. Please pray for Sandy. As you know she has been through so much this past year. I will keep you posted.
I pray Jesus will mightily bless you, Susan
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Prayers for Sandra's Husband
From. Susan,
I just read an email from Sandra's sister. Sandra's husband had a major heart attack, and is in open heart surgery this morning. Please hold him up in your prayers.
Thank you. love, Susan
I just read an email from Sandra's sister. Sandra's husband had a major heart attack, and is in open heart surgery this morning. Please hold him up in your prayers.
Thank you. love, Susan
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given
From Sandy -
I have many reasons to contemplate the birth of Jesus Christ, His life, and His resurrection. Because it is Christmas time, I praise God for His Holy Son. It is Jesus who has been with me through a very tough year. It has been Jesus by my side giving me love and peace and joy throughout the fear and unknown that I have faced. He has surrounded me with His loving care and given me back my life. He has brought the world to my attention and I look at things differently. Jesus is God's Love. Jesus is our Savior. Jesus is the Great Physician and has proven it in so many ways during my time of health crisis. Jesus wants to reach out through me and love others. Jesus is unconditional love and life everlasting.
A beautiful prayer of St. Symeon the New Theologian, 949-1022 AD has put into words all the magnificent things that Jesus is -
Come, true light.
Come, life eternal.
Come, hidden mystery.
Come, treasure without name.
Come, person beyond all understanding.
Come, rejoicing without end.
Come, light that knows no evening.
Come, unfailing expectation of the saved.
Come, raising the fallen.
Come, resurrection of the dead.
Come, all powerful, for unceasingly you create, refashion, and change all things by your will alone.
Come, invisible whom none may touch and handle.
Come, for you continue always unmoved, yet at every instant you are wholly in movement.
Come, for your name fills our hearts with longing and is ever on our lips.
Come, alone to the alone.
Come, for you are yourself the desire within me.
Come, my breath and my life.
Come, my joy, my glory, my endless delight.
Come, thou long expected Jesus.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have many reasons to contemplate the birth of Jesus Christ, His life, and His resurrection. Because it is Christmas time, I praise God for His Holy Son. It is Jesus who has been with me through a very tough year. It has been Jesus by my side giving me love and peace and joy throughout the fear and unknown that I have faced. He has surrounded me with His loving care and given me back my life. He has brought the world to my attention and I look at things differently. Jesus is God's Love. Jesus is our Savior. Jesus is the Great Physician and has proven it in so many ways during my time of health crisis. Jesus wants to reach out through me and love others. Jesus is unconditional love and life everlasting.
A beautiful prayer of St. Symeon the New Theologian, 949-1022 AD has put into words all the magnificent things that Jesus is -
Come, true light.
Come, life eternal.
Come, hidden mystery.
Come, treasure without name.
Come, person beyond all understanding.
Come, rejoicing without end.
Come, light that knows no evening.
Come, unfailing expectation of the saved.
Come, raising the fallen.
Come, resurrection of the dead.
Come, all powerful, for unceasingly you create, refashion, and change all things by your will alone.
Come, invisible whom none may touch and handle.
Come, for you continue always unmoved, yet at every instant you are wholly in movement.
Come, for your name fills our hearts with longing and is ever on our lips.
Come, alone to the alone.
Come, for you are yourself the desire within me.
Come, my breath and my life.
Come, my joy, my glory, my endless delight.
Come, thou long expected Jesus.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Update on second surgery
From Sandy -
I had an appointment with the surgeon today. My second surgery will be on January 14. That's when the doctor will connect my intestine to the j-pouch. I will be so glad to get all of this behind me. The x-ray that was done of my abdomen showed that everything has healed correctly and there is no leaking. The surgery will take approximately 1 1/2 hours and I will be in the hospital for about three days. Haleluliah, I will no longer need to wear an ostomy bag.
I will probably be home bound for a couple of weeks after the surgery as I will have to be close to a bathroom. My body will need to adjust to the j-pouch which at first will make it necessary for frequent trips to the bathroom. Eventually muscles and my body will be able to take care of things in a less timely manner.
Again I come to the Lord in prayer and turn this surgery over to Him. I know that He does not want me to be afraid and I know that as long as I believe and have faith, there is nothing to fear. I had so many people praying for me during the first surgery and God answered those prayers with an abundance of blessings. He knit me together in my mother's womb and He can knit me all back together again with the completion of this surgery.
In the mean time I will trust in the Lord and celebrate the birth of Jesus with tidings of comfort and joy.
I had an appointment with the surgeon today. My second surgery will be on January 14. That's when the doctor will connect my intestine to the j-pouch. I will be so glad to get all of this behind me. The x-ray that was done of my abdomen showed that everything has healed correctly and there is no leaking. The surgery will take approximately 1 1/2 hours and I will be in the hospital for about three days. Haleluliah, I will no longer need to wear an ostomy bag.
I will probably be home bound for a couple of weeks after the surgery as I will have to be close to a bathroom. My body will need to adjust to the j-pouch which at first will make it necessary for frequent trips to the bathroom. Eventually muscles and my body will be able to take care of things in a less timely manner.
Again I come to the Lord in prayer and turn this surgery over to Him. I know that He does not want me to be afraid and I know that as long as I believe and have faith, there is nothing to fear. I had so many people praying for me during the first surgery and God answered those prayers with an abundance of blessings. He knit me together in my mother's womb and He can knit me all back together again with the completion of this surgery.
In the mean time I will trust in the Lord and celebrate the birth of Jesus with tidings of comfort and joy.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
My Star
From Sandy -
When I lost my Mother - it was like losing part of myself. She was my Mom, my best friend, my confidante and I loved her with all my heart and soul. There's still an empty place in my heart that she used to fill. I remember one night walking my dog and seeing this twinkling star in the sky that shown so brightly flashing orange and green and blue and red. As I gazed at that star, I felt my Mother's presence. I know that she is in heaven - there's absolutely no doubt about that. And, I have experienced her with me every time I see that star in the night sky. It is always a reminder to me that she is not that far away. I lost my Father a couple of years ago and I experienced the same feeling as I saw "my" star. I felt that he was close by and I remember looking up at that star and talking to him as I walked along a dark street of our neighborhood.
These feelings are not powerful, but just like a gentle breeze that is here and gone in a moment. I don't understand it, but I am greatful that God continues to bless me by reminding me that my beloved parents are with Him and watching over me.
Turns out, the way our world is going, they are better off being with the Lord. I am so disappointed in things happening every day and I know that my parents would be crushed.
My Dad was in the Navy during World War II and loved his country. My Mom and Dad didn't have alot, but what they had, they always had enough to give to others. My parents made sure that my sister and I had everything we needed as we grew up. Sometimes, we also got what we wanted. My Mom would go from grocery store to grocery store trying to get the bargains so she could save money. My Dad raised a garden, and we always had fresh vegetables. To us, eating out meant going to the Grinder and eating those huge grinder sandwiches. They couldn't afford to take us to fancy restaurants, but we loved eating those delicious sandwiches.
I am reminiscing here about better times. Growing up in the 50's and 60's was wonderful. Not like today. I'm just greatful for having experienced a "slower" pace of living and a country that was "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" and where everyone used to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" instead of "HAPPY HOLIDAYS".
I miss my parents and those wonderful times of my youth. However, there's a bright twinkling star that tells me there's better times ahead and loved ones waiting. They are only a breath away. But for now, in my little corner of the world, I pray for my nation to once again be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" and I will say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to anyone who comes along at this time of year. I will worship Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and talk to my granddaughter about the "real" meaning of Christmas.
When I lost my Mother - it was like losing part of myself. She was my Mom, my best friend, my confidante and I loved her with all my heart and soul. There's still an empty place in my heart that she used to fill. I remember one night walking my dog and seeing this twinkling star in the sky that shown so brightly flashing orange and green and blue and red. As I gazed at that star, I felt my Mother's presence. I know that she is in heaven - there's absolutely no doubt about that. And, I have experienced her with me every time I see that star in the night sky. It is always a reminder to me that she is not that far away. I lost my Father a couple of years ago and I experienced the same feeling as I saw "my" star. I felt that he was close by and I remember looking up at that star and talking to him as I walked along a dark street of our neighborhood.
These feelings are not powerful, but just like a gentle breeze that is here and gone in a moment. I don't understand it, but I am greatful that God continues to bless me by reminding me that my beloved parents are with Him and watching over me.
Turns out, the way our world is going, they are better off being with the Lord. I am so disappointed in things happening every day and I know that my parents would be crushed.
My Dad was in the Navy during World War II and loved his country. My Mom and Dad didn't have alot, but what they had, they always had enough to give to others. My parents made sure that my sister and I had everything we needed as we grew up. Sometimes, we also got what we wanted. My Mom would go from grocery store to grocery store trying to get the bargains so she could save money. My Dad raised a garden, and we always had fresh vegetables. To us, eating out meant going to the Grinder and eating those huge grinder sandwiches. They couldn't afford to take us to fancy restaurants, but we loved eating those delicious sandwiches.
I am reminiscing here about better times. Growing up in the 50's and 60's was wonderful. Not like today. I'm just greatful for having experienced a "slower" pace of living and a country that was "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" and where everyone used to say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" instead of "HAPPY HOLIDAYS".
I miss my parents and those wonderful times of my youth. However, there's a bright twinkling star that tells me there's better times ahead and loved ones waiting. They are only a breath away. But for now, in my little corner of the world, I pray for my nation to once again be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" and I will say "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to anyone who comes along at this time of year. I will worship Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and talk to my granddaughter about the "real" meaning of Christmas.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Do Our Loved Ones Watch Over Us From Heaven?
From Susan --
I am sharing a part of my prayer journal with you today. I hope you will be comforted and blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I have been so blessed by Greg Laurie's Book, "Hope for Hurting Hearts". (Greg wrote this book after losing his son a couple of years ago. I highly recommend it to those who have lost a loved one.)
Almost every day, since you took Gene to be with you, I have asked you to tell him that I love him and miss him. I have believed, and talked to friends about my belief, that You allow our loved ones to see the good and happy things in our life. I had nothing to base it on, only that I felt it.
Last night I received an exciting blessing. A section in Greg's book is entitled, "Do People in Heaven Know What's Going on Down Here on Earth?" Greg believes people in Heaven know a lot more about what is happening on earth than we may realize! He supports this with the following scriptures:
1. When people believe in Jesus on earth, it becomes public knowlege in Heaven...there is joy in Heaven when a sinner repents. (Luke 15:7)
2. The tribulation martyrs (Revelation 6:9-11) understand what is happening on earth.
(He also added this side note, "they knew they had been on earth, and this demonstrates direct continuity between our identity on earth and our identity in Heaven...they are still alive and still themselves!)
3. They were aware of the passing of time.
4. There is a definite connection between the believers in Heaven and those on earth. Those in Heaven speak of their fellow servants and their brothers. As Greg points out, some Christians believe that people in Heaven have no idea what is going on back on earth, but the people in Revelations, Chapter 6, do know what is happening here on earth.
5. Greg believes people in Heaven could be watching us right now and cheering us on! (See Hebrews 12:1) He also states that one interpretation of this passage names the witnesses as people of faith who have gone before us as a model to follow. Greg says, "Another way to look at it is that these men and women aren't simply giving us a template to follow, but they are actually observing us and taking note of our progress in the faith. They are the cloud of witnesses watching us, and cheering us on, if you will." Of course, Greg, doesn't know for sure if people in Heaven are monitoring the progress of loved ones living here on earth, but he says he wouldn't be surprised.
Lord, thank You for sending this book to me from someone I don't even know. It has been such a huge blessing in so many ways.
(A side note from me: I actually had lunch once with Greg Laurie and his wife back in the 70's! He was a fairly new, successful, young pastor. He was saved and his ministry came out of the revival that occurred in Southern California in the late 60's and early 70's. I became a Christian during that revival period as well.)
Lord, it feels so good to believe that Gene, my dad, and Buddy are up there with You, watching over me, cheering me on, and are still connected to me though they have moved to a different location -- Heaven! How beautiful!
(For all of you who said a prayer for Pastor Buddy, the Lord took him to Heaven a few days ago. I am so sad, yet comforted. The last time we talked, we promised to be each others' forever prayer partners!)
Blessings to you all,
Susan
I am sharing a part of my prayer journal with you today. I hope you will be comforted and blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I have been so blessed by Greg Laurie's Book, "Hope for Hurting Hearts". (Greg wrote this book after losing his son a couple of years ago. I highly recommend it to those who have lost a loved one.)
Almost every day, since you took Gene to be with you, I have asked you to tell him that I love him and miss him. I have believed, and talked to friends about my belief, that You allow our loved ones to see the good and happy things in our life. I had nothing to base it on, only that I felt it.
Last night I received an exciting blessing. A section in Greg's book is entitled, "Do People in Heaven Know What's Going on Down Here on Earth?" Greg believes people in Heaven know a lot more about what is happening on earth than we may realize! He supports this with the following scriptures:
1. When people believe in Jesus on earth, it becomes public knowlege in Heaven...there is joy in Heaven when a sinner repents. (Luke 15:7)
2. The tribulation martyrs (Revelation 6:9-11) understand what is happening on earth.
(He also added this side note, "they knew they had been on earth, and this demonstrates direct continuity between our identity on earth and our identity in Heaven...they are still alive and still themselves!)
3. They were aware of the passing of time.
4. There is a definite connection between the believers in Heaven and those on earth. Those in Heaven speak of their fellow servants and their brothers. As Greg points out, some Christians believe that people in Heaven have no idea what is going on back on earth, but the people in Revelations, Chapter 6, do know what is happening here on earth.
5. Greg believes people in Heaven could be watching us right now and cheering us on! (See Hebrews 12:1) He also states that one interpretation of this passage names the witnesses as people of faith who have gone before us as a model to follow. Greg says, "Another way to look at it is that these men and women aren't simply giving us a template to follow, but they are actually observing us and taking note of our progress in the faith. They are the cloud of witnesses watching us, and cheering us on, if you will." Of course, Greg, doesn't know for sure if people in Heaven are monitoring the progress of loved ones living here on earth, but he says he wouldn't be surprised.
Lord, thank You for sending this book to me from someone I don't even know. It has been such a huge blessing in so many ways.
(A side note from me: I actually had lunch once with Greg Laurie and his wife back in the 70's! He was a fairly new, successful, young pastor. He was saved and his ministry came out of the revival that occurred in Southern California in the late 60's and early 70's. I became a Christian during that revival period as well.)
Lord, it feels so good to believe that Gene, my dad, and Buddy are up there with You, watching over me, cheering me on, and are still connected to me though they have moved to a different location -- Heaven! How beautiful!
(For all of you who said a prayer for Pastor Buddy, the Lord took him to Heaven a few days ago. I am so sad, yet comforted. The last time we talked, we promised to be each others' forever prayer partners!)
Blessings to you all,
Susan
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Middle Man
From Sandy -
For once - this has nothing to do with my condition or surgery. I found out tonight at 11:30 p.m. in my e-mail that I have hurt a friend's feelings. I feel really horrible right now about the whole thing and decided to share it with all of you. I don't know if any of you have gone through this experience, but this is the second time in my life I have been confronted about being a "bad" friend.
I will share with you what happened. My friend (who is angry with me, friend #1) is upset because I invited certain friends to a luncheon and did not invite her. We are all friends from our former employer which was a bank that was closed down by the FDIC. The reason I did not invite her was that my "other" friend (friend #2) suggested getting together for lunch with some ex co-workers, but since there are bad feelings between friend #1 and friend #2, I felt that friend #1 would not want to come and friend #2 would resent my inviting her. Neither one of them like each other - and I like them both - so I am kind of in the middle. I felt that friend #1 (the one who is angry with me) would not come to a lunch where friend #2 (the friend who wanted me to get some people together for lunch) would be attending. Both of these people are not happy by the fact that I associate with the other one. Therefore, I am put in the middle. I really do love both of them as friends and I have to walk on egg shells sometimes to keep from hurting one or the other by befriending both of them. As it turns out I did hurt one of them. I don't know what God would think about this. I feel like I was wrong for not inviting friend #1. She's always been a good friend, but she told me on no uncertain terms that I really hurt her by leaving her out and not inviting her to this get together.
It is almost midnight here right now and I can't sleep because I just feel horrible about hurting my friend. I did apologize and told friend #1 that I understood exactly how she felt and I am so sorry for excluding her. Being the "people pleaser" that I am - it is hard to make everyone happy. And trust me, I try to please everyone even if it means harming myself. I guess you could say it is almost a weakness of mine. So, I just had to get this off of my chest and share it with you. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them. I cannot stand for anyone to be angry with me or dislike me - again the "people pleaser" in me. I know that life is not perfect and I have to be willing to admit that sometimes what I do hurts others. It's just not easy for me to realize that I have caused pain to someone else and yet I have. I know that the Lord forgives us, but sometimes people don't. I will definitely turn this over to the Lord.
Anyway, I am not perfect. I continually make mistakes and still sin. Thanks be to God because I know that he understands me. He knows me inside and out, yet He still loves me. I have apologized to my dear friend and will say a prayer that God will make this right. To some, this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. Friends are so valuable in a person's life. They are the treasures that keep on giving. I don't want to lose this friend just because I excluded her from a gathering of our ex co-workers. Hope this makes sense to some of you. I just had a heavy heart tonight and had to share this. I was wrong by excluding her, but I honestly did not think she would come if she were invited. I should never try to think for anyone else except myself.
For once - this has nothing to do with my condition or surgery. I found out tonight at 11:30 p.m. in my e-mail that I have hurt a friend's feelings. I feel really horrible right now about the whole thing and decided to share it with all of you. I don't know if any of you have gone through this experience, but this is the second time in my life I have been confronted about being a "bad" friend.
I will share with you what happened. My friend (who is angry with me, friend #1) is upset because I invited certain friends to a luncheon and did not invite her. We are all friends from our former employer which was a bank that was closed down by the FDIC. The reason I did not invite her was that my "other" friend (friend #2) suggested getting together for lunch with some ex co-workers, but since there are bad feelings between friend #1 and friend #2, I felt that friend #1 would not want to come and friend #2 would resent my inviting her. Neither one of them like each other - and I like them both - so I am kind of in the middle. I felt that friend #1 (the one who is angry with me) would not come to a lunch where friend #2 (the friend who wanted me to get some people together for lunch) would be attending. Both of these people are not happy by the fact that I associate with the other one. Therefore, I am put in the middle. I really do love both of them as friends and I have to walk on egg shells sometimes to keep from hurting one or the other by befriending both of them. As it turns out I did hurt one of them. I don't know what God would think about this. I feel like I was wrong for not inviting friend #1. She's always been a good friend, but she told me on no uncertain terms that I really hurt her by leaving her out and not inviting her to this get together.
It is almost midnight here right now and I can't sleep because I just feel horrible about hurting my friend. I did apologize and told friend #1 that I understood exactly how she felt and I am so sorry for excluding her. Being the "people pleaser" that I am - it is hard to make everyone happy. And trust me, I try to please everyone even if it means harming myself. I guess you could say it is almost a weakness of mine. So, I just had to get this off of my chest and share it with you. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them. I cannot stand for anyone to be angry with me or dislike me - again the "people pleaser" in me. I know that life is not perfect and I have to be willing to admit that sometimes what I do hurts others. It's just not easy for me to realize that I have caused pain to someone else and yet I have. I know that the Lord forgives us, but sometimes people don't. I will definitely turn this over to the Lord.
Anyway, I am not perfect. I continually make mistakes and still sin. Thanks be to God because I know that he understands me. He knows me inside and out, yet He still loves me. I have apologized to my dear friend and will say a prayer that God will make this right. To some, this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. Friends are so valuable in a person's life. They are the treasures that keep on giving. I don't want to lose this friend just because I excluded her from a gathering of our ex co-workers. Hope this makes sense to some of you. I just had a heavy heart tonight and had to share this. I was wrong by excluding her, but I honestly did not think she would come if she were invited. I should never try to think for anyone else except myself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Procedure on Wednesday
From Sandy -
Well I have had the procedure done - kind of like an MRI of my abdomen. I don't know the results but it's been done. Everyone at Kaiser is so nice. It wasn't bad at all and like I said, I did not have to do any of the preparation for this procedure because I have no colon. I will wait and see what my surgeon has to say after he reads the results.
I still feel so blessed right now. Who would have thought after having my colon removed that I would feel so good. I actually feel healthier than ever. God can certainly do miracles and I know he has done that for me. My appetite is back more than ever. Everything tastes good to me. I have put on some pounds and now have to watch my weight. I lift heavy things, I work in the yard, I work out, I walk, I truly am enjoying life.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will celebrate life. The Good Lord has given me life - I feel good - I am at peace - I am happy. At this time of the year I truly give thanks and I have so very many blessings to count right now.
I give thanks for God has given us Jesus Christ - His son!!
Well I have had the procedure done - kind of like an MRI of my abdomen. I don't know the results but it's been done. Everyone at Kaiser is so nice. It wasn't bad at all and like I said, I did not have to do any of the preparation for this procedure because I have no colon. I will wait and see what my surgeon has to say after he reads the results.
I still feel so blessed right now. Who would have thought after having my colon removed that I would feel so good. I actually feel healthier than ever. God can certainly do miracles and I know he has done that for me. My appetite is back more than ever. Everything tastes good to me. I have put on some pounds and now have to watch my weight. I lift heavy things, I work in the yard, I work out, I walk, I truly am enjoying life.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will celebrate life. The Good Lord has given me life - I feel good - I am at peace - I am happy. At this time of the year I truly give thanks and I have so very many blessings to count right now.
I give thanks for God has given us Jesus Christ - His son!!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Procedure on Wednesday
From Sandy -
Two weeks ago I found out I had to go in for a procedure to assure the surgeon that the j-pouch formed out of my intestine is healing properly. When I got a call regarding my appointment for this procedure, the caller told me I would have to fast from Sunday night through Wednesday morning (since my appointment is on Wed., Nov. 17 at 1:00 p.m.) and I would also have to take laxative, suppositories and drink some awful stuff. For some reason this just didn't make any sense to me. I don't have the normal bowel system that everyone else has. My waste empties into a bag and I don't even have a rectum. Drinking only clear liquids for what turns out to be 65 hours for this procedure would be almost unbearable unless I was fasting to starve myself. I worried and fretted about all of this and constantly had it on my mind. I called the technician in Imaging at Kaiser and she told me I would have to go through all of the above preparations. I called the message center where my surgeon is located and the nurse who answered didn't know what to tell me. She told me to talk to the nurse in Imaging. I talked to the nurse in Imaging and she said I didn't have a colon so I didn't have to do any of the preparation. Next day I got a notice in the mail that included all of the above preparations for my procedure. To say the least, I was very confused. Relieved about what the Nurse in Imaging told me, but doubting what she said since I had just gotten mailed instructions to fast, take laxative, drink the awful stuff and take the two suppositories. Again, I called the nurse who took messages for my doctor and told her about my dilemma. I told her I was really confused as to what to do. I didn't want to show up for this procedure and not be prepared. Great News - the nurse got a note back from my doctor that I don't have to do any of the preparations. I am so relieved. Taking the stuff didn't bother me, but not eating for 65 hours most certainly bothered me. Just goes to show you - what you fret and worry about most of the time never happens.
I am anxious to find out how this j-pouch has healed. I feel perfectly fine at this point and cannot complain about any aches or pains. So, I feel that the j-pouch has healed properly. I can't believe how God has blessed me through all of this. I know He will continually help me and I will continually come to Him in prayer. I believe that God goes with me and will not fail me.
Two weeks ago I found out I had to go in for a procedure to assure the surgeon that the j-pouch formed out of my intestine is healing properly. When I got a call regarding my appointment for this procedure, the caller told me I would have to fast from Sunday night through Wednesday morning (since my appointment is on Wed., Nov. 17 at 1:00 p.m.) and I would also have to take laxative, suppositories and drink some awful stuff. For some reason this just didn't make any sense to me. I don't have the normal bowel system that everyone else has. My waste empties into a bag and I don't even have a rectum. Drinking only clear liquids for what turns out to be 65 hours for this procedure would be almost unbearable unless I was fasting to starve myself. I worried and fretted about all of this and constantly had it on my mind. I called the technician in Imaging at Kaiser and she told me I would have to go through all of the above preparations. I called the message center where my surgeon is located and the nurse who answered didn't know what to tell me. She told me to talk to the nurse in Imaging. I talked to the nurse in Imaging and she said I didn't have a colon so I didn't have to do any of the preparation. Next day I got a notice in the mail that included all of the above preparations for my procedure. To say the least, I was very confused. Relieved about what the Nurse in Imaging told me, but doubting what she said since I had just gotten mailed instructions to fast, take laxative, drink the awful stuff and take the two suppositories. Again, I called the nurse who took messages for my doctor and told her about my dilemma. I told her I was really confused as to what to do. I didn't want to show up for this procedure and not be prepared. Great News - the nurse got a note back from my doctor that I don't have to do any of the preparations. I am so relieved. Taking the stuff didn't bother me, but not eating for 65 hours most certainly bothered me. Just goes to show you - what you fret and worry about most of the time never happens.
I am anxious to find out how this j-pouch has healed. I feel perfectly fine at this point and cannot complain about any aches or pains. So, I feel that the j-pouch has healed properly. I can't believe how God has blessed me through all of this. I know He will continually help me and I will continually come to Him in prayer. I believe that God goes with me and will not fail me.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Finding Light in the Darkness
From Sandy -
What Susan posted touched my heart. I know that she is going through pain and loneliness right now. I have experienced similar pain and loneliness, brought on by something totally different.
No one walks through this life without pain and suffering. We all experience things in our lives that have brought on misery and darkness. Sometimes life is filled with trepidation, worry, fear, stress. At these times it feels like we are groping in the dark for some kind of guidance and light to get us through these dark places.
I was groping through some of my darkest times this Spring when I was told about the condition of my colon. Again, with the reminder of another surgery, I am finding some dark times. The one way to overcome this unbearable darkness is to seek out the light. The light is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Sometimes the brightest victories hide in dark places. We can either become bitter and broken during these times, or we believe and become better people by accepthing these trials with trust in our Lord.
I choose to seek the light in the darkness. Jesus is the light of the world. I know I can come to him and lay before him all of my needs. He already knows the depth of my darkness, but he loves to hear his children ask for help. Although we come face to face with our inadequacies, it's our inadequacies that bring us face to face with the sufficiency of God. God is sufficient to see us through any trial. Once I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, I know all things work together for good.
What Susan posted touched my heart. I know that she is going through pain and loneliness right now. I have experienced similar pain and loneliness, brought on by something totally different.
No one walks through this life without pain and suffering. We all experience things in our lives that have brought on misery and darkness. Sometimes life is filled with trepidation, worry, fear, stress. At these times it feels like we are groping in the dark for some kind of guidance and light to get us through these dark places.
I was groping through some of my darkest times this Spring when I was told about the condition of my colon. Again, with the reminder of another surgery, I am finding some dark times. The one way to overcome this unbearable darkness is to seek out the light. The light is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Sometimes the brightest victories hide in dark places. We can either become bitter and broken during these times, or we believe and become better people by accepthing these trials with trust in our Lord.
I choose to seek the light in the darkness. Jesus is the light of the world. I know I can come to him and lay before him all of my needs. He already knows the depth of my darkness, but he loves to hear his children ask for help. Although we come face to face with our inadequacies, it's our inadequacies that bring us face to face with the sufficiency of God. God is sufficient to see us through any trial. Once I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, I know all things work together for good.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Loss and Gifts
From Susan--
Dear friends,
I have so much on my heart to share with you. I want to try and share my prayer journal with you for now, as time permits. Hopefully, later, I will be in a place where I can take time to share other things from my heart. I hope someone will be blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I know I haven't been in the Word or concentrating on You as I should. I know You understand. My mind has not healed, and I am being torn from so many sides. There is so much. All intermingled with grief, finances, and dealing with the attorney. I feel like so many things are being taken away that I loved and that was my life.
I do believe You have shown me that I need to sell the house. I have so many wonderful memories there. I fell in love with it the day we first drove up to it. I didn't think we were going to get it, but You worked it out.
The minute we walked into it, even vacant, it felt like home. It has been a blessing to live there. We have wonderful neighbors, and a view of your magnificent creation to wake up to every morning. It was a wonderful place for Gene and me. It is hard to let it all go, especially so soon after losing Gene.
Yet, when I'm there at night, it is just so lonely. The kids and grandkids aren't close by, and of course, the neighbors can't console me every night, though James and Marla are trying. When I look at those realities, I realize, it is the right decision.
Please guide me every step of the way, let me not turn from Your path.
In an article by Joan Ball that I read today after writing my prayer journal, Joan had this to say: "These experiences (for her) were exercises in letting go and recognizing that everything we owned was a gift rather than a right."
I am always so amazed at how the Lord meets me right where I am.
Thank and Praise You Dear Lord! Amen
Dear friends,
I have so much on my heart to share with you. I want to try and share my prayer journal with you for now, as time permits. Hopefully, later, I will be in a place where I can take time to share other things from my heart. I hope someone will be blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I know I haven't been in the Word or concentrating on You as I should. I know You understand. My mind has not healed, and I am being torn from so many sides. There is so much. All intermingled with grief, finances, and dealing with the attorney. I feel like so many things are being taken away that I loved and that was my life.
I do believe You have shown me that I need to sell the house. I have so many wonderful memories there. I fell in love with it the day we first drove up to it. I didn't think we were going to get it, but You worked it out.
The minute we walked into it, even vacant, it felt like home. It has been a blessing to live there. We have wonderful neighbors, and a view of your magnificent creation to wake up to every morning. It was a wonderful place for Gene and me. It is hard to let it all go, especially so soon after losing Gene.
Yet, when I'm there at night, it is just so lonely. The kids and grandkids aren't close by, and of course, the neighbors can't console me every night, though James and Marla are trying. When I look at those realities, I realize, it is the right decision.
Please guide me every step of the way, let me not turn from Your path.
In an article by Joan Ball that I read today after writing my prayer journal, Joan had this to say: "These experiences (for her) were exercises in letting go and recognizing that everything we owned was a gift rather than a right."
I am always so amazed at how the Lord meets me right where I am.
Thank and Praise You Dear Lord! Amen
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Surgery Update
From Sandy -
I saw my surgeon on Monday and he and I both agreed that it would be best to wait for my second surgery until after the holidays. That way I won't be "home bound" after the surgery. I am happy that he agreed with me. The second surgery will be attaching the j-pouch to my intestine. My body will need time to get used to working this way as the intestine was using the bag instead of the j-pouch. I have to admit I am not looking forward to this, but know that the results will be "no more bag". I will be heading to the bathroom up to 20 times a day after my second surgery. So I will be "home bound" until my body develops the strength and muscle to control things. Having never experienced anything like this, I find myself fearing the unknown. But just as I faced the unknown with the first surgery - I will face this unknown as well. It will be such a relief to be rid of the ostomy bag. I am so grateful that I am able to have this procedure done.
The doctor needs to do a procedure on November 17 to check and make sure that the j-pouch is healing and has no holes in it. To do this, I will be fasting for 48 hours. I don't know how I can stand not eating for 48 hours, but I have to do it. I can tell you - this is a great way to lose weight. The problem is that I get kind of weak if I don't eat for 6 hours, so I will have to drink lots of clear liquids - such as chicken broth and juices to give me the fortitude I need to get through this.
Again, this new challenge brings me on my knees to the Lord. What would I do if I didn't believe? I can't imagine not believing in a higher power. I can't imagine not believing in God. I can't imagine not believing that Jesus is our Savior and he paid the price for our sinful ways. There are times that I do have doubts - but they don't last very long. I sometimes wonder why He would love me as He does. I absolutely know that God is with us every second of every day. He has preserved my life and always I will trust him. In spite of trials, he makes my heart glad and I always always have hope in him. I know he will see me through this second surgery and he will give me the hope, strength and courage to get through the trials that I will face after the surgery. He will knit me back together as he knit me in my mother's womb. He will bless me and guide me through the healing process. Nothing is too hard for the Lord!!
I saw my surgeon on Monday and he and I both agreed that it would be best to wait for my second surgery until after the holidays. That way I won't be "home bound" after the surgery. I am happy that he agreed with me. The second surgery will be attaching the j-pouch to my intestine. My body will need time to get used to working this way as the intestine was using the bag instead of the j-pouch. I have to admit I am not looking forward to this, but know that the results will be "no more bag". I will be heading to the bathroom up to 20 times a day after my second surgery. So I will be "home bound" until my body develops the strength and muscle to control things. Having never experienced anything like this, I find myself fearing the unknown. But just as I faced the unknown with the first surgery - I will face this unknown as well. It will be such a relief to be rid of the ostomy bag. I am so grateful that I am able to have this procedure done.
The doctor needs to do a procedure on November 17 to check and make sure that the j-pouch is healing and has no holes in it. To do this, I will be fasting for 48 hours. I don't know how I can stand not eating for 48 hours, but I have to do it. I can tell you - this is a great way to lose weight. The problem is that I get kind of weak if I don't eat for 6 hours, so I will have to drink lots of clear liquids - such as chicken broth and juices to give me the fortitude I need to get through this.
Again, this new challenge brings me on my knees to the Lord. What would I do if I didn't believe? I can't imagine not believing in a higher power. I can't imagine not believing in God. I can't imagine not believing that Jesus is our Savior and he paid the price for our sinful ways. There are times that I do have doubts - but they don't last very long. I sometimes wonder why He would love me as He does. I absolutely know that God is with us every second of every day. He has preserved my life and always I will trust him. In spite of trials, he makes my heart glad and I always always have hope in him. I know he will see me through this second surgery and he will give me the hope, strength and courage to get through the trials that I will face after the surgery. He will knit me back together as he knit me in my mother's womb. He will bless me and guide me through the healing process. Nothing is too hard for the Lord!!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Pain
From Sandy -
C. S. Lewis wrote: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world".
What C.S. Lewis wrote is so true. Speaking for myself, when things are going good, I don't listen very hard for God's voice. When I feel as if I have wronged someone or more importantly sinned against God, I hear him loud and clear. When I am in pain, I seek God and he surrounds me and speaks to me in every way possible.
I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "there is no gain without pain". Although I hate pain, I have learned the most valuable lessons by going through it. The fear and pain I have come through over the past few months have taught me all about God's love and how he is able to show it to us through his son and our savior, Jesus Christ. I did hear God - or "felt God's presence" in the pain and misery I found myself in. His megaphone reached my deaf ears and opened my heart to a loving Heavenly Father. My faith has grown and I know that God is real. I have learned to trust him and lean on him. Although I am weak, it is such comfort to know that he is strong and he is able to see me through anything. Because of the sacrifice that Jesus made, I am loved unconditionally and forgiven for my weaknesses.
Dealing with my fears, I actually made the time to stop and meditate. I took a time out from my busy life to think about Jesus and how he healed so many when he dwelt among us. I was able to envision him standing in front of me and putting his arms around me as I knelt before him. I could hear him whisper that he would heal me and be with me. It was a wonderful experience and I know that the Lord was right there with me to assure me and to still my fears.
I hate to admit it, but I am still a little fearful of my next surgery. Again, I will make time for meditation and seek the Lord's healing powers in my life. He is the Great Physician and he will be with me throughout this next go around with surgery.
I feel so blessed to have gotten this close to the Lord. Again, pain led me to him. If I ever had doubts before about God, they have totally gone away. I feel the Lord's presence with me and I know that he hears me when I come to him in prayer.
Living in this uncertain world, there is one certain thing - that is that God was and is and is to be and he loves even me!
C. S. Lewis wrote: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world".
What C.S. Lewis wrote is so true. Speaking for myself, when things are going good, I don't listen very hard for God's voice. When I feel as if I have wronged someone or more importantly sinned against God, I hear him loud and clear. When I am in pain, I seek God and he surrounds me and speaks to me in every way possible.
I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "there is no gain without pain". Although I hate pain, I have learned the most valuable lessons by going through it. The fear and pain I have come through over the past few months have taught me all about God's love and how he is able to show it to us through his son and our savior, Jesus Christ. I did hear God - or "felt God's presence" in the pain and misery I found myself in. His megaphone reached my deaf ears and opened my heart to a loving Heavenly Father. My faith has grown and I know that God is real. I have learned to trust him and lean on him. Although I am weak, it is such comfort to know that he is strong and he is able to see me through anything. Because of the sacrifice that Jesus made, I am loved unconditionally and forgiven for my weaknesses.
Dealing with my fears, I actually made the time to stop and meditate. I took a time out from my busy life to think about Jesus and how he healed so many when he dwelt among us. I was able to envision him standing in front of me and putting his arms around me as I knelt before him. I could hear him whisper that he would heal me and be with me. It was a wonderful experience and I know that the Lord was right there with me to assure me and to still my fears.
I hate to admit it, but I am still a little fearful of my next surgery. Again, I will make time for meditation and seek the Lord's healing powers in my life. He is the Great Physician and he will be with me throughout this next go around with surgery.
I feel so blessed to have gotten this close to the Lord. Again, pain led me to him. If I ever had doubts before about God, they have totally gone away. I feel the Lord's presence with me and I know that he hears me when I come to him in prayer.
Living in this uncertain world, there is one certain thing - that is that God was and is and is to be and he loves even me!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Today
From Sandy -
Today I had lunch with a friend and former co-worker. She knows all about my surgery as her husband was in the same hospital, same floor as me at the same time I was there. I had not fully heard the story of how her husband shattered his leg, but I did today. He fell off a shed he was building and landed on a concrete planter. His leg was shattered everywhere as well as his foot - the bones were so shattered that his foot was turned almost backwards. This happened back in March and he still cannot walk. He has had so many surgeries and was actually in intensive care for a while. This friend's sister is young with four children and found out a year ago last August that she has stage 4 lung cancer. She has never smoked and has not been around anything that she knows of that would have caused it. It breaks my heart that my friend is going through all of this. However, it has brought her to her knees. She has turned to God and has asked for his help. My prayers go out to her for strength and to her husband and sister. I can't imagine what they have been through.
I thought that I had a bad year, but nothing compares to what my friend has been through. Having spent time with her today, I went away feeling that what I went through was nothing. I could see her fighting back tears as she was sharing with me about her "baby" sister. I'm so glad that my friend has sought God out through all of this. She came from a country where she was not allowed to worship God, so this is kind of new for her. She's assumed the role of nurse for her husband and goes with her sister to her medical appointments. She has tried to shield her sister from hearing the "worst" and is trying to instill hope in her. I told her that as long as we believe in God, there is always hope.
Cancer is such a horrible disease!
I would just like to ask anyone who reads this blog to consider praying for my friend, her husband and her sister. I am sorry I can't provide names, but God will know who you are praying for.
Today I had lunch with a friend and former co-worker. She knows all about my surgery as her husband was in the same hospital, same floor as me at the same time I was there. I had not fully heard the story of how her husband shattered his leg, but I did today. He fell off a shed he was building and landed on a concrete planter. His leg was shattered everywhere as well as his foot - the bones were so shattered that his foot was turned almost backwards. This happened back in March and he still cannot walk. He has had so many surgeries and was actually in intensive care for a while. This friend's sister is young with four children and found out a year ago last August that she has stage 4 lung cancer. She has never smoked and has not been around anything that she knows of that would have caused it. It breaks my heart that my friend is going through all of this. However, it has brought her to her knees. She has turned to God and has asked for his help. My prayers go out to her for strength and to her husband and sister. I can't imagine what they have been through.
I thought that I had a bad year, but nothing compares to what my friend has been through. Having spent time with her today, I went away feeling that what I went through was nothing. I could see her fighting back tears as she was sharing with me about her "baby" sister. I'm so glad that my friend has sought God out through all of this. She came from a country where she was not allowed to worship God, so this is kind of new for her. She's assumed the role of nurse for her husband and goes with her sister to her medical appointments. She has tried to shield her sister from hearing the "worst" and is trying to instill hope in her. I told her that as long as we believe in God, there is always hope.
Cancer is such a horrible disease!
I would just like to ask anyone who reads this blog to consider praying for my friend, her husband and her sister. I am sorry I can't provide names, but God will know who you are praying for.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
It has been so long
Hello to all of you dear people,
I'm so sorry that I have not taken time to write to you. The only time that I am able to do that is when I am at my house. I haven't been there much. When I am there, it is very painful. Some day, I hope to share with you so many wonderful things that the Lord has done.
I also am having to do many things for the attorney, at the most difficult time of my life. Which is another thing I hope to share with you. There are some important things I have learned about trusts.
I have had you all on my mind. The Lord has been telling me to write out a prayer that I had written to Him after Gene's passing. I'm not sure why, but the Lord must want one of you to read it:
October 7, 2010
Dear Jesus,
Wow, I look at my last prayer and blog dated July 26th. Life was normal for me on that day. I don't remember why I hadn't written on the blog in the three days leading up to the 29th, the day of Gene's stroke, but life sure changed for us that day.
I have had my prayer times, of course, during the journey, but this is the first time back at my home. It is so bittersweet. I'm so sad that Gene isn't here with me. Yet, I'm so happy that he is with You, and that I KNOW it. Incredible! (Friends, Gene accepted the Lord on September 3rd! Your prayers were truly being answered! We prayed together, and it was beautiful! I will share more later.)Yet, I'm crying because it hurts so much, and I miss him so. It still doesn't seem real, but it is real.
All I know to say is Thank You for all the miracles You performed along the way. Thank You above all things for Gene's rededicating his life to You. Thank You for holding our hands as we went through this painful ordeal. Thank You for the prayers and comfort of family, friends, and people I didn't even know. I truly felt it.
Thank You for Your Powerful Love and the beautiful last night that Gene and I had together. We truly felt YOUR LOVE emanating in that room and between us as I held him in my arms.
I want so much to serve You. Please guide me each day. Please continue to shine Your lamp on my path. Please tell Gene that I miss him so much, and how much I love him.
I love You, dear Lord. Amen.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." (Hebrews 12:2)
I'm so sorry that I have not taken time to write to you. The only time that I am able to do that is when I am at my house. I haven't been there much. When I am there, it is very painful. Some day, I hope to share with you so many wonderful things that the Lord has done.
I also am having to do many things for the attorney, at the most difficult time of my life. Which is another thing I hope to share with you. There are some important things I have learned about trusts.
I have had you all on my mind. The Lord has been telling me to write out a prayer that I had written to Him after Gene's passing. I'm not sure why, but the Lord must want one of you to read it:
October 7, 2010
Dear Jesus,
Wow, I look at my last prayer and blog dated July 26th. Life was normal for me on that day. I don't remember why I hadn't written on the blog in the three days leading up to the 29th, the day of Gene's stroke, but life sure changed for us that day.
I have had my prayer times, of course, during the journey, but this is the first time back at my home. It is so bittersweet. I'm so sad that Gene isn't here with me. Yet, I'm so happy that he is with You, and that I KNOW it. Incredible! (Friends, Gene accepted the Lord on September 3rd! Your prayers were truly being answered! We prayed together, and it was beautiful! I will share more later.)Yet, I'm crying because it hurts so much, and I miss him so. It still doesn't seem real, but it is real.
All I know to say is Thank You for all the miracles You performed along the way. Thank You above all things for Gene's rededicating his life to You. Thank You for holding our hands as we went through this painful ordeal. Thank You for the prayers and comfort of family, friends, and people I didn't even know. I truly felt it.
Thank You for Your Powerful Love and the beautiful last night that Gene and I had together. We truly felt YOUR LOVE emanating in that room and between us as I held him in my arms.
I want so much to serve You. Please guide me each day. Please continue to shine Your lamp on my path. Please tell Gene that I miss him so much, and how much I love him.
I love You, dear Lord. Amen.
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." (Hebrews 12:2)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Autumn
From Sandy -
The year has passed by quickly and already we are looking at autumn leaves and pumpkins. This is my favorite time of year. Finally the summer heat is giving in to cooler gentler weather. The days are getting shorter and my favorite t.v. shows are back on.
My granddaughter and I went to church today and then picked up my husband and daughter to have lunch at Polly's Pies. My granddaughter is 9 years old and loves to talk. All during lunch she jabbered about everything under the sun as we ate. While we were sitting there I felt so blessed that I am alive and able to enjoy life. I looked at my little granddaughter with her freckles, red hair and braces and felt so blessed to have this beautiful child. I have taken so much for granted during my life - and now I am so thankful for eveything, even the small things like a denver omlette and country fried potatos.
After lunch, my husband went home and Lisa (my daughter), Cheyenne (my granddaughter) and I went to Tom's Farms to look at Halloween and Fall decorations for sale in the country store. Tom's Farms used to be just a vegetable and fruit stand but now it has a beautiful big country store and a wine and cheese store besides crafts sold outside, pony rides, horse carriage rides and more. It's always fun to go there and again I found myself being so grateful to be alive and enjoy this day that the Lord hath made. Because of the fear, despair and anxiety that I have experienced this year, I am especially grateful to be alive and enjoy family, the season and special places. The Lord has made me more aware of all my blessings. He has been with me to light the darkness I was in for many months of this year. It's amazing what God can do!! I feel healthy and strong even though I await another surgery.
As the red and gold Autumn leaves fall to the ground and the heat of Summer fades away, the worries and fears I had over the Spring and Summer have also fallen from my life and are fading away.
Thank the Good Lord!!!
The year has passed by quickly and already we are looking at autumn leaves and pumpkins. This is my favorite time of year. Finally the summer heat is giving in to cooler gentler weather. The days are getting shorter and my favorite t.v. shows are back on.
My granddaughter and I went to church today and then picked up my husband and daughter to have lunch at Polly's Pies. My granddaughter is 9 years old and loves to talk. All during lunch she jabbered about everything under the sun as we ate. While we were sitting there I felt so blessed that I am alive and able to enjoy life. I looked at my little granddaughter with her freckles, red hair and braces and felt so blessed to have this beautiful child. I have taken so much for granted during my life - and now I am so thankful for eveything, even the small things like a denver omlette and country fried potatos.
After lunch, my husband went home and Lisa (my daughter), Cheyenne (my granddaughter) and I went to Tom's Farms to look at Halloween and Fall decorations for sale in the country store. Tom's Farms used to be just a vegetable and fruit stand but now it has a beautiful big country store and a wine and cheese store besides crafts sold outside, pony rides, horse carriage rides and more. It's always fun to go there and again I found myself being so grateful to be alive and enjoy this day that the Lord hath made. Because of the fear, despair and anxiety that I have experienced this year, I am especially grateful to be alive and enjoy family, the season and special places. The Lord has made me more aware of all my blessings. He has been with me to light the darkness I was in for many months of this year. It's amazing what God can do!! I feel healthy and strong even though I await another surgery.
As the red and gold Autumn leaves fall to the ground and the heat of Summer fades away, the worries and fears I had over the Spring and Summer have also fallen from my life and are fading away.
Thank the Good Lord!!!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Happy Fall
From Sandy -
Happy Fall - Being a good person is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff - including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then he carves you a bright new smiling face and puts his light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.
Happy Fall - Being a good person is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff - including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then he carves you a bright new smiling face and puts his light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My life
From Sandy -
It's been almost six weeks since my surgery and life has gotten almost back to normal. I can do everything I did before except I have to take alot of rest periods and find that I need lots of sleep. I have an appointment to see the surgeon on November 1, so I'll see if he schedules my second surgery at that time. I feel so truly blessed to have made so much progress since my surgery. I know that everyone's prayers (including mine) were answered and the Lord has been very good to me.
I'm not exactly looking forward to another surgery. However, it will mean an end to the colostomy bag hanging off the side of my abdomen. That will be such a relief to get rid of it. Once I found a bag that fit right - there have been no more leaks. But it sometimes gets very uncomfortable to wear and the skin around it is red and irritated. Every once in a while I think about the bag and feel like less than a person - but thank God the feeling comes and goes quickly. I have been blessed throughout this whole experience and I have to count the blessings and not think about the inconveniences that I have to live with right now.
I am so glad that I had the surgery. I don't have to worry about all those polyps and whether two, or three or more would turn into cancer. Again, God blessed me by directing me with baby steps to make the decision to have the surgery. It's amazing (not to God but to me) that he knew not to confront me with it all at once. Over the weeks that I knew I had to have surgery, I didn't know it would mean taking my entire colon. A genetecist at Kaiser was the one to bring it up and I thought she was totally wrong. Then my daughter told me it might have to be done. My doctor and the surgeon also told me I would have to have the colon removed. I finally had enough days and weeks to ponder the whole situation - and time was what I truly needed to accept it. Once I accepted the fact that I would need this major surgery, I sought prayers from my church, my friends, and my family. I prayed night and day and read the bible throughout each fear-ridden day. The verses I found were so soothing to me and all of them told me not to be afraid. Finally came serenity, trust in the Lord, and peace of mind about three or four weeks before the surgery. I knew I had to have it done and that the Lord would be with me throughout the whole process. He truly has been with me and I am so grateful that I knew the Lord before , but now I adore him with all my heart and soul. I still screw up once in a while, but thank God, Jesus took care of that by paying the price with His life. I know I am forgiven - certainly not perfect and yet God still loves me. What a miracle that is!!
It's been almost six weeks since my surgery and life has gotten almost back to normal. I can do everything I did before except I have to take alot of rest periods and find that I need lots of sleep. I have an appointment to see the surgeon on November 1, so I'll see if he schedules my second surgery at that time. I feel so truly blessed to have made so much progress since my surgery. I know that everyone's prayers (including mine) were answered and the Lord has been very good to me.
I'm not exactly looking forward to another surgery. However, it will mean an end to the colostomy bag hanging off the side of my abdomen. That will be such a relief to get rid of it. Once I found a bag that fit right - there have been no more leaks. But it sometimes gets very uncomfortable to wear and the skin around it is red and irritated. Every once in a while I think about the bag and feel like less than a person - but thank God the feeling comes and goes quickly. I have been blessed throughout this whole experience and I have to count the blessings and not think about the inconveniences that I have to live with right now.
I am so glad that I had the surgery. I don't have to worry about all those polyps and whether two, or three or more would turn into cancer. Again, God blessed me by directing me with baby steps to make the decision to have the surgery. It's amazing (not to God but to me) that he knew not to confront me with it all at once. Over the weeks that I knew I had to have surgery, I didn't know it would mean taking my entire colon. A genetecist at Kaiser was the one to bring it up and I thought she was totally wrong. Then my daughter told me it might have to be done. My doctor and the surgeon also told me I would have to have the colon removed. I finally had enough days and weeks to ponder the whole situation - and time was what I truly needed to accept it. Once I accepted the fact that I would need this major surgery, I sought prayers from my church, my friends, and my family. I prayed night and day and read the bible throughout each fear-ridden day. The verses I found were so soothing to me and all of them told me not to be afraid. Finally came serenity, trust in the Lord, and peace of mind about three or four weeks before the surgery. I knew I had to have it done and that the Lord would be with me throughout the whole process. He truly has been with me and I am so grateful that I knew the Lord before , but now I adore him with all my heart and soul. I still screw up once in a while, but thank God, Jesus took care of that by paying the price with His life. I know I am forgiven - certainly not perfect and yet God still loves me. What a miracle that is!!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Being Grateful
From Sandy -
I have spent some time studying my reactions to things and have noticed that I am not as grateful as I should be for what I have. Yesterday I really felt better than I have the whole time since my surgery so I looked at this past year (which I have called a nightmare) and thought of all the ways I have been blessed. I don't do this very often, so it was a revelation to me to find how many times I was blessed even though I did experience alot of worry, distress and turmoil.
I tend to overlook blessings and dwell on the troubles in my life. I don't know where this falls in God's list of sins, but I know it is sinful to be negative. There's the following verse (please forgive me I know it's in the New Testament, but I can't remember where) - that tells us what we should think about and what we should dwell upon -
"Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things."
Even though I felt sometimes like I was walking through a fiery furnace, the Lord blessed me in so many ways. When I first found out I had to have this surgery - I panicked. I turned to the Lord for peace of mind and hope. Although it took me a few weeks to get there, the Lord blessed me with both of these. I was able to take a vacation and see my sister up in Washington during this time. The scenery was some of the most beautiful I have ever seen and I found God's love and peace up there in the beautiful Northwest. When I came home and had to really face the reality of the surgery, I had friends that reached out to me and held my hand through the days of waiting and anxiety. I had Jesus to put his arms around me and whisper to me that he would see me through this. Both my sister and daughter had colonoscopies and there were no polyps found in either one of them. My little puppy who broke his leg is now completely healed - he is bouncing around everywhere on his "mended" leg. I was worried about finances and God has blessed us in that respect too. I have found out who my "true" friends are and I am so blessed to have them as lifelong friends. I am basically healthy and cancer free. God knit me back together during the first surgery and will complete his healing in the second surgery. I have gotten to know the Lord in a very personal and real way. I have heard him and know that He loves me. For these things and many more I am truly blessed and I am so very grateful!!!
I have spent some time studying my reactions to things and have noticed that I am not as grateful as I should be for what I have. Yesterday I really felt better than I have the whole time since my surgery so I looked at this past year (which I have called a nightmare) and thought of all the ways I have been blessed. I don't do this very often, so it was a revelation to me to find how many times I was blessed even though I did experience alot of worry, distress and turmoil.
I tend to overlook blessings and dwell on the troubles in my life. I don't know where this falls in God's list of sins, but I know it is sinful to be negative. There's the following verse (please forgive me I know it's in the New Testament, but I can't remember where) - that tells us what we should think about and what we should dwell upon -
"Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things."
Even though I felt sometimes like I was walking through a fiery furnace, the Lord blessed me in so many ways. When I first found out I had to have this surgery - I panicked. I turned to the Lord for peace of mind and hope. Although it took me a few weeks to get there, the Lord blessed me with both of these. I was able to take a vacation and see my sister up in Washington during this time. The scenery was some of the most beautiful I have ever seen and I found God's love and peace up there in the beautiful Northwest. When I came home and had to really face the reality of the surgery, I had friends that reached out to me and held my hand through the days of waiting and anxiety. I had Jesus to put his arms around me and whisper to me that he would see me through this. Both my sister and daughter had colonoscopies and there were no polyps found in either one of them. My little puppy who broke his leg is now completely healed - he is bouncing around everywhere on his "mended" leg. I was worried about finances and God has blessed us in that respect too. I have found out who my "true" friends are and I am so blessed to have them as lifelong friends. I am basically healthy and cancer free. God knit me back together during the first surgery and will complete his healing in the second surgery. I have gotten to know the Lord in a very personal and real way. I have heard him and know that He loves me. For these things and many more I am truly blessed and I am so very grateful!!!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sharing my thoughts
From Sandy -
I find that as I get more comfortable with my situation and less fearful, I spend less time in prayer and reading the bible. I'm not proud of this fact and I know beyond all doubt that the Lord does come first in my life. However, life gets in the way and I allow it to happen. It's at these times when I hear a voice tell me - what's more important? - Cleaning your room and making that phone call or first spending time with the Lord to start the whole day off in the right way.
Since my surgery I am ashamed to admit that I sleep until 10:00 a.m. most mornings. Getting up this late means that 1/5 of the day is gone and I haven't even started it yet. I know that I have to discipline myself to spend time with God before I do anything. It's a gift from God to start the day off with him by my side. I always like to pray "Hello God, this is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". Sometimes my prayers are like a grocery list. I pray for my kids, my husband, my sister and her family, my friends, and of course my dogs, cats, and horses. Then I pray for my country, finances, forgiveness and myself. First and foremost God needs to hear our love and praise for him. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in me and my family that I forget to thank him for the very precious gifts he has given me. He has blessed me in a very special way in 2010 which has been a very trying year for me. Without these trials, I wouldn't feel as close to him as I do now. This year has sucked and I won't paint a rosy picture of what I've gone through but the Lord was with me and enabled this weak, scared and paranoid woman to get through the toughest of times - at least the toughest times I've ever faced.
I just wanted to share that when I spend time with the Lord, the day goes better. The line "Things go better with Coke" I've changed to "Things go better with God".
I find that as I get more comfortable with my situation and less fearful, I spend less time in prayer and reading the bible. I'm not proud of this fact and I know beyond all doubt that the Lord does come first in my life. However, life gets in the way and I allow it to happen. It's at these times when I hear a voice tell me - what's more important? - Cleaning your room and making that phone call or first spending time with the Lord to start the whole day off in the right way.
Since my surgery I am ashamed to admit that I sleep until 10:00 a.m. most mornings. Getting up this late means that 1/5 of the day is gone and I haven't even started it yet. I know that I have to discipline myself to spend time with God before I do anything. It's a gift from God to start the day off with him by my side. I always like to pray "Hello God, this is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". Sometimes my prayers are like a grocery list. I pray for my kids, my husband, my sister and her family, my friends, and of course my dogs, cats, and horses. Then I pray for my country, finances, forgiveness and myself. First and foremost God needs to hear our love and praise for him. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in me and my family that I forget to thank him for the very precious gifts he has given me. He has blessed me in a very special way in 2010 which has been a very trying year for me. Without these trials, I wouldn't feel as close to him as I do now. This year has sucked and I won't paint a rosy picture of what I've gone through but the Lord was with me and enabled this weak, scared and paranoid woman to get through the toughest of times - at least the toughest times I've ever faced.
I just wanted to share that when I spend time with the Lord, the day goes better. The line "Things go better with Coke" I've changed to "Things go better with God".
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Colon surgery progress
From Sandy -
Just a short note to let everyone know I am doing well. The surgeon did remind me I had a "major surgery" and sometimes my body tells me that. I still get light headed when I first get up from sitting and I get tired after performing any kind of task, but at least I can get things done and feel like I am accomplishing something.
Yesterday I cleaned my living room and dining room. I hosed the deck around our pool and cleaned our patio. Besides doing that I was able to prepare dinner, clean up the kitchen, walk the dogs, and give the horses their last feeding for the day. Needless to say I was exhausted when my head hit the pillow, but I was so tired I couldn't fall asleep right away. Today I cleaned horse corrals (which I shouldn't have done because it tired me out way too much). I helped my daughter pack up her house because it is being tented for termites. I also prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, walked the dogs and fed the horses. I am tired right now I can tell you for sure. However, my body is allowing me to get these things done and I am so greatful to the Lord for healing me in such a way that I almost (not quite) feel normal again. I can't stand to lie around or sit around doing nothing, so I am so happy that I can do most of the things I did before. I still can't lift anything heavy, but I can lift more than I could two weeks ago.
It's just such a relief not to have this major surgery hanging over my head. I dreaded it and feared it and now I am so eternally happy and praise the Lord for giving me back "me". The worst thing about this whole process was fear. It just goes to show that the greatest thing to fear is fear itself. I have found peace of mind and it is such a blessing. This is also one of the precious gifts of God.
Just a short note to let everyone know I am doing well. The surgeon did remind me I had a "major surgery" and sometimes my body tells me that. I still get light headed when I first get up from sitting and I get tired after performing any kind of task, but at least I can get things done and feel like I am accomplishing something.
Yesterday I cleaned my living room and dining room. I hosed the deck around our pool and cleaned our patio. Besides doing that I was able to prepare dinner, clean up the kitchen, walk the dogs, and give the horses their last feeding for the day. Needless to say I was exhausted when my head hit the pillow, but I was so tired I couldn't fall asleep right away. Today I cleaned horse corrals (which I shouldn't have done because it tired me out way too much). I helped my daughter pack up her house because it is being tented for termites. I also prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, walked the dogs and fed the horses. I am tired right now I can tell you for sure. However, my body is allowing me to get these things done and I am so greatful to the Lord for healing me in such a way that I almost (not quite) feel normal again. I can't stand to lie around or sit around doing nothing, so I am so happy that I can do most of the things I did before. I still can't lift anything heavy, but I can lift more than I could two weeks ago.
It's just such a relief not to have this major surgery hanging over my head. I dreaded it and feared it and now I am so eternally happy and praise the Lord for giving me back "me". The worst thing about this whole process was fear. It just goes to show that the greatest thing to fear is fear itself. I have found peace of mind and it is such a blessing. This is also one of the precious gifts of God.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thank you!
Dear friends,
I'm at a loss for words. I have felt bad, because I haven't been been writing to you. I want to thank you for all of your kind words and prayers along the way. I am getting through the day with God's help. I know He is hearing your prayers.
Thank you!
May the Lord bless each of you!
Susan
I'm at a loss for words. I have felt bad, because I haven't been been writing to you. I want to thank you for all of your kind words and prayers along the way. I am getting through the day with God's help. I know He is hearing your prayers.
Thank you!
May the Lord bless each of you!
Susan
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
My appointment
From Sandy -
I did see the surgeon today. Everything looks good and is healing. However, he wants me to gain weight before my second surgery. I am trying to eat everything in sight, but I can't gain any weight. At least I haven't lost anymore weight. I am drinking Ensure and will drink even more of it. I drank down a large milkshake yesterday. Tonight I ate until I was so full I almost got sick. I guess the trick is to eat frequently and eat foods high in fat. Wow - never did I think I would have to eat to gain weight. I was called "fatso" in grade school.
Anyway - I am progressing and I see the surgeon in four weeks to schedule my second surgery. I have been so blessed throughout this ordeal. Complications I have had have been minor and I now have a bag that fits to my body and does not come off and leak all over me. I have back aches and I get light headed - but I am getting stronger every day. Agan, I thank the Lord for bringing me through this. The surgeon reminded me when I told him about my weight that I have gone through a very very serious surgery. It's been one month since the surgery and I can't believe how I have progressed. I cannot praise the Lord enough for the strength He has given me to get through this. He is my rock - He is my hope and strength - He is the love of my life!!
I did see the surgeon today. Everything looks good and is healing. However, he wants me to gain weight before my second surgery. I am trying to eat everything in sight, but I can't gain any weight. At least I haven't lost anymore weight. I am drinking Ensure and will drink even more of it. I drank down a large milkshake yesterday. Tonight I ate until I was so full I almost got sick. I guess the trick is to eat frequently and eat foods high in fat. Wow - never did I think I would have to eat to gain weight. I was called "fatso" in grade school.
Anyway - I am progressing and I see the surgeon in four weeks to schedule my second surgery. I have been so blessed throughout this ordeal. Complications I have had have been minor and I now have a bag that fits to my body and does not come off and leak all over me. I have back aches and I get light headed - but I am getting stronger every day. Agan, I thank the Lord for bringing me through this. The surgeon reminded me when I told him about my weight that I have gone through a very very serious surgery. It's been one month since the surgery and I can't believe how I have progressed. I cannot praise the Lord enough for the strength He has given me to get through this. He is my rock - He is my hope and strength - He is the love of my life!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Seeing the surgeon
From Sandy -
Tomorrow, Sept. 28 I have an appointment to see the surgeon. I am anxious to see what he has to say because I still have a second surgery facing me and I will be having my j-pouch connected so I can be "normal" again. I won't mind saying goodbye to this bag - that's for sure. I just hope and pray that everything works out during the second surgery and that it will be successful.
It has been a long and weary road to this point but I know I am feeling so much better in three different ways.
Number 1 is spiritually. God and I have drawn much much closer during this time and I know that no matter what I go through He is always with me. I can call upon Him at any time and He answers. I have felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me when I was so desperate and so frightened. I have touched the hem of His robe and felt His healing power go out to me. I am never alone.
Number 2 is mentally. I have read how depression takes over anyone in my circumstance. I have had a little depression but nothing like others I have read about on the internet. I was mentally ready for the first surgery and am preparing myself to be mentally ready for the second one. I thank the Lord I have not had alot of depression. My mental picture of myself is the same as before the surgery - even with a bag!!!
Number 3 is physically. I am feeling stronger day by day. I am able to do some things in my home and vacuumed my whole house. Admittedly I probably should not have done the "whole" house, but I did and although I was exhausted I felt good about it. I am walking the dogs in the evening and enjoying much of the life I had before the surgery. I thank the Good Lord for gifting me with a body that is "on the mend" and getting better all the time. Just as God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He is knitting me back together after the surgery.
I will share with you what the surgeon tells me after my appointment tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Sept. 28 I have an appointment to see the surgeon. I am anxious to see what he has to say because I still have a second surgery facing me and I will be having my j-pouch connected so I can be "normal" again. I won't mind saying goodbye to this bag - that's for sure. I just hope and pray that everything works out during the second surgery and that it will be successful.
It has been a long and weary road to this point but I know I am feeling so much better in three different ways.
Number 1 is spiritually. God and I have drawn much much closer during this time and I know that no matter what I go through He is always with me. I can call upon Him at any time and He answers. I have felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me when I was so desperate and so frightened. I have touched the hem of His robe and felt His healing power go out to me. I am never alone.
Number 2 is mentally. I have read how depression takes over anyone in my circumstance. I have had a little depression but nothing like others I have read about on the internet. I was mentally ready for the first surgery and am preparing myself to be mentally ready for the second one. I thank the Lord I have not had alot of depression. My mental picture of myself is the same as before the surgery - even with a bag!!!
Number 3 is physically. I am feeling stronger day by day. I am able to do some things in my home and vacuumed my whole house. Admittedly I probably should not have done the "whole" house, but I did and although I was exhausted I felt good about it. I am walking the dogs in the evening and enjoying much of the life I had before the surgery. I thank the Good Lord for gifting me with a body that is "on the mend" and getting better all the time. Just as God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He is knitting me back together after the surgery.
I will share with you what the surgeon tells me after my appointment tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Update on post surgery
From Sandy -
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am finally beginning to feel better. I feel stronger and my appetite is definitely coming back. I have been so fortunate in my life to have always been so healthy. The only illness I would get every year is bronchitis. Other than that - no sick days. So, it's been really really hard for me to lay around and rest. Even in sickness I am able to get myself going. But, this has been different. I have felt so weak and tired that there's no way I could do anything. It means so much to me that I am feeling better. I've tried not to pity myself and just sit down and cry over the whole situation. I have only cried once - that was when every bag I put on leaked through my clothes and all over me. This happened several times and I must admit I was about ready to give up completely. However, thanks to a wonderful ostomy nurse at Kaiser, we have found a different bag that fits better and so far it is working pretty good. I feel more comfortable going out of the house and have gone to the store and even attended church on Sunday.
Thank God I was in good health before this surgery because it has taken alot out of me. I can't wait to get my life back and be able to get out and do things with no worries about bags. I know that this is in the future for me and I cannot wait. I do know that God has a way of getting our attention. Before this happened to me, I didn't make much time for the Lord. I said my prayers every day and then went on my merry way busying myself with my home, our animals, friends, the yard, etc. etc. Since I have not been able to do all these things, I have spent time with God and He has not let me down. I know He is seeing me through every second of this and He will in His own perfect way knit my broken body back together. I can feel the reconstruction going on right now. I thank the Lord that He has been with me through this. It has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with and without the Lord, I would frankly not be very well off. I know He is the Great Physician and He is healing me.
Sometimes I have to admit, I wonder why I ever had this surgery done. I could have taken my chances and gotten a colonoscopy every two years. I could have never developed cancer, or on the other hand I could have developed cancer throughout my colon which could have spread to other parts of my body. I just didn't want to gamble with my life. I am positive I needed to get this done and I know that I am progressing in my recovery. I am so greatful that I never had to face one minute of this alone. Jesus was with me as they wheeled me into the operating room. He guided the surgeons hands and brought me back safe and sound.
I still have to go through the second surgery and I'm not sure when that will happen. I see the surgeon next Tuesday and hope he can give me a date. I also have to have him check my abdomen. My belly button is oozing a watery yellow liquid and the nurse seems to think it's from stitches inside my abdomen. It hurts sometimes and is a concern, so I hope to get it resolved with the doctor's visit.
Throughout this ordeal, I remain covered by the arms of Jesus and know He will see me through this successfully.
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am finally beginning to feel better. I feel stronger and my appetite is definitely coming back. I have been so fortunate in my life to have always been so healthy. The only illness I would get every year is bronchitis. Other than that - no sick days. So, it's been really really hard for me to lay around and rest. Even in sickness I am able to get myself going. But, this has been different. I have felt so weak and tired that there's no way I could do anything. It means so much to me that I am feeling better. I've tried not to pity myself and just sit down and cry over the whole situation. I have only cried once - that was when every bag I put on leaked through my clothes and all over me. This happened several times and I must admit I was about ready to give up completely. However, thanks to a wonderful ostomy nurse at Kaiser, we have found a different bag that fits better and so far it is working pretty good. I feel more comfortable going out of the house and have gone to the store and even attended church on Sunday.
Thank God I was in good health before this surgery because it has taken alot out of me. I can't wait to get my life back and be able to get out and do things with no worries about bags. I know that this is in the future for me and I cannot wait. I do know that God has a way of getting our attention. Before this happened to me, I didn't make much time for the Lord. I said my prayers every day and then went on my merry way busying myself with my home, our animals, friends, the yard, etc. etc. Since I have not been able to do all these things, I have spent time with God and He has not let me down. I know He is seeing me through every second of this and He will in His own perfect way knit my broken body back together. I can feel the reconstruction going on right now. I thank the Lord that He has been with me through this. It has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with and without the Lord, I would frankly not be very well off. I know He is the Great Physician and He is healing me.
Sometimes I have to admit, I wonder why I ever had this surgery done. I could have taken my chances and gotten a colonoscopy every two years. I could have never developed cancer, or on the other hand I could have developed cancer throughout my colon which could have spread to other parts of my body. I just didn't want to gamble with my life. I am positive I needed to get this done and I know that I am progressing in my recovery. I am so greatful that I never had to face one minute of this alone. Jesus was with me as they wheeled me into the operating room. He guided the surgeons hands and brought me back safe and sound.
I still have to go through the second surgery and I'm not sure when that will happen. I see the surgeon next Tuesday and hope he can give me a date. I also have to have him check my abdomen. My belly button is oozing a watery yellow liquid and the nurse seems to think it's from stitches inside my abdomen. It hurts sometimes and is a concern, so I hope to get it resolved with the doctor's visit.
Throughout this ordeal, I remain covered by the arms of Jesus and know He will see me through this successfully.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
One day at a time
From Sandy-
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have heard from Susan. She is coping and still making arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to send prayers her way.
I will try to post here at least twice a week until Susan can make it back. Right now she is trying to arrange the funeral and take care of other things.
I am coping with this bag - but I must admit there are times when I get nauseous just looking at it. I know it is temporary and there are people who live with a colostomy bag on a daily basis. Right now I am taking everything one day at a time. I face another surgery but have lost lots of weight. I can't have the surgery to connect the j-pouch until I gain some weight. I went to my favorite restaurant today - PF Changs. I ate like a pig and hopefully will gain back some of the pounds I have lost. I drink Ensure and am starting to drink lots of milk (which I never drink). The more I eat the stronger I feel. I ate Lo Mein noodles at PF Changs and they are supposed to be high in calories. They tasted so good although I had to avoid the celery and mushrooms - both of which I also love but could clog the stoma. My appetite is totally out of whack. Anything that I have in the house does not taste good. However, when I eat out - I can pack it away. I did feel better after pigging out at PF Changs.
I can't believe that I have a problem of weighing too little. I have always had a wonderful appetite and all kinds of food has tasted good to me. My weight fluctuates and I have "never" been too thin before - believe me. It's so wierd for the nurse to tell me I have to eat food high in fat. Yesterday I ate a hamburger and cheese potato soup. I am trying hard to get some of this weight back. It's not as fun as you would think. I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I am not hungry.
I find that I have to take this whole process just one day at a time. My life has changed pretty drastically and there's only so much you can handle in one day. The Lord is helping me fight off depression. It's easy to get depressed when you can't go anywhere and do the things you are used to doing. It's only been three weeks and already I am going nuts. I am not one to lie around and watch tv or even read. I am a person who likes to be active and get alot of things done. Now I have to sit and watch the lady that cleans my house do the things I have always been so capable of doing until now. God is teaching me patience through all of this. I have always been short on patience with anyone else and now I have to be patient with myself. Again, I only have to do this one day at a time. I know that the Lord is healing me one day at a time.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have heard from Susan. She is coping and still making arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to send prayers her way.
I will try to post here at least twice a week until Susan can make it back. Right now she is trying to arrange the funeral and take care of other things.
I am coping with this bag - but I must admit there are times when I get nauseous just looking at it. I know it is temporary and there are people who live with a colostomy bag on a daily basis. Right now I am taking everything one day at a time. I face another surgery but have lost lots of weight. I can't have the surgery to connect the j-pouch until I gain some weight. I went to my favorite restaurant today - PF Changs. I ate like a pig and hopefully will gain back some of the pounds I have lost. I drink Ensure and am starting to drink lots of milk (which I never drink). The more I eat the stronger I feel. I ate Lo Mein noodles at PF Changs and they are supposed to be high in calories. They tasted so good although I had to avoid the celery and mushrooms - both of which I also love but could clog the stoma. My appetite is totally out of whack. Anything that I have in the house does not taste good. However, when I eat out - I can pack it away. I did feel better after pigging out at PF Changs.
I can't believe that I have a problem of weighing too little. I have always had a wonderful appetite and all kinds of food has tasted good to me. My weight fluctuates and I have "never" been too thin before - believe me. It's so wierd for the nurse to tell me I have to eat food high in fat. Yesterday I ate a hamburger and cheese potato soup. I am trying hard to get some of this weight back. It's not as fun as you would think. I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I am not hungry.
I find that I have to take this whole process just one day at a time. My life has changed pretty drastically and there's only so much you can handle in one day. The Lord is helping me fight off depression. It's easy to get depressed when you can't go anywhere and do the things you are used to doing. It's only been three weeks and already I am going nuts. I am not one to lie around and watch tv or even read. I am a person who likes to be active and get alot of things done. Now I have to sit and watch the lady that cleans my house do the things I have always been so capable of doing until now. God is teaching me patience through all of this. I have always been short on patience with anyone else and now I have to be patient with myself. Again, I only have to do this one day at a time. I know that the Lord is healing me one day at a time.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Gene
From Sandy -
Hello everyone - I have some sad news to report today. Gene passed away this morning. Susan was able to hold him in her arms during his last moments. It breaks my heart to have to give you this news but I know that it has been a nightmare for Susan and now she can get on with her own life. Please pray extra hard for Susan right now. Hopefully the worst is over but I know that grieving will be part of her life for a while. That's all I have to say today. Please remember Gene and send your prayers for Susan!!
Hello everyone - I have some sad news to report today. Gene passed away this morning. Susan was able to hold him in her arms during his last moments. It breaks my heart to have to give you this news but I know that it has been a nightmare for Susan and now she can get on with her own life. Please pray extra hard for Susan right now. Hopefully the worst is over but I know that grieving will be part of her life for a while. That's all I have to say today. Please remember Gene and send your prayers for Susan!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Just have to share
From Sandy -
Today I had an appointment with the ostomy nurse. She was going to assist me with putting a bag on me that would stay. My husband and I traveled 1 mile and my bag started leaking. We had to turn around and go back home. Once there, it took me one hour to get another back on - after already going through two. I was sitting in my bathroom crying and actually cried out for the Lord to help me. I was desperate and had to get to the hospital to see the nurse. Fortunately I was able to call and let them know I would be late. They accommodated me once I got there and I am hoping and praying that a new bag the nurse put on me will work. So far so good, but I'm afraid to say that. The bag is shaped better to my body and seems to be holding its own. I actually got down on my hands and knees and placed my body and the bag onto God.
I have been fighting despair over this whole thing but I know I am not alone. I know the Lord is with me and He will make it better. I asked the ostomy nurse if others in my situation ever felt so desperate and she told me "They always ask me when they will get their lives back. And, they tell me that their life ended after the surgery". I guess misery loves company because it did help to hear others were in the same desperate situation I was in. I know I have to be patient and will remember that "delay is not denial".
Self pity takes over sometimes and I just want to lie down and cry my eyes out. Thank God these moments don't last too long and I am able to put "me" aside and stop thinking about the "poor me". I know this will get better and I know that the Lord is with me. Good thing I didn't know all I would have to go through before I had the surgery. I think I would have definitely thought twice about it.
Well, good night to all - have a blessed tomorrow.
Today I had an appointment with the ostomy nurse. She was going to assist me with putting a bag on me that would stay. My husband and I traveled 1 mile and my bag started leaking. We had to turn around and go back home. Once there, it took me one hour to get another back on - after already going through two. I was sitting in my bathroom crying and actually cried out for the Lord to help me. I was desperate and had to get to the hospital to see the nurse. Fortunately I was able to call and let them know I would be late. They accommodated me once I got there and I am hoping and praying that a new bag the nurse put on me will work. So far so good, but I'm afraid to say that. The bag is shaped better to my body and seems to be holding its own. I actually got down on my hands and knees and placed my body and the bag onto God.
I have been fighting despair over this whole thing but I know I am not alone. I know the Lord is with me and He will make it better. I asked the ostomy nurse if others in my situation ever felt so desperate and she told me "They always ask me when they will get their lives back. And, they tell me that their life ended after the surgery". I guess misery loves company because it did help to hear others were in the same desperate situation I was in. I know I have to be patient and will remember that "delay is not denial".
Self pity takes over sometimes and I just want to lie down and cry my eyes out. Thank God these moments don't last too long and I am able to put "me" aside and stop thinking about the "poor me". I know this will get better and I know that the Lord is with me. Good thing I didn't know all I would have to go through before I had the surgery. I think I would have definitely thought twice about it.
Well, good night to all - have a blessed tomorrow.
Trials and struggles
From Sandy-
Just wanted to let everyone know I have not heard anything further about Susan and Gene. Please pray for them - I can't imagine the struggle that both of them are going through. Susan is a Christian, so I know that the Lord is with her and seeing her through whatever may happen.
I don't have much to say today about myself. Mainly I want to keep this blog active for Susan.
Every day is a struggle for me, and although I don't have much help - the Lord is my helper. He sustains me and encourages me and gives me the strength to meet every trial. I find it so hard not to really be able to leave the house because of my "leaky" bag. I know that this too shall pass, but I'm ready for it to pass like right now. I'm not used to being home bound, but sometimes the Lord puts us in places to teach us. I'm learning patience which I was always short of. I have to be patient with myself as I take care of myself - by hurrying and being impatient, it only makes matters worse.
Both my husband and daughter have terrible colds and they are my "caretakers". They have not felt well enough to take care of themselves, let alone me. You talk about a perfect storm - I feel sometimes that I am in the midst of it. I am getting a scratchy throat, so I hope and pray I don't come down with what they have. If I have to cough or sneeze, it will kill my abdomen.
Sometimes I start panicking about catching cold, or the surgery to fail, or whatever fears I can conjure up. Tonight was one of those experiences. The way I took care of it was to stop everything and ask the Lord for help. Amazing how that helps. I immediately started calming down.
That's all for now. When I hear anything from Susan and will post it here unless she finds the time to do it herself. For those interested I will keep you updated on my progress.
Just wanted to let everyone know I have not heard anything further about Susan and Gene. Please pray for them - I can't imagine the struggle that both of them are going through. Susan is a Christian, so I know that the Lord is with her and seeing her through whatever may happen.
I don't have much to say today about myself. Mainly I want to keep this blog active for Susan.
Every day is a struggle for me, and although I don't have much help - the Lord is my helper. He sustains me and encourages me and gives me the strength to meet every trial. I find it so hard not to really be able to leave the house because of my "leaky" bag. I know that this too shall pass, but I'm ready for it to pass like right now. I'm not used to being home bound, but sometimes the Lord puts us in places to teach us. I'm learning patience which I was always short of. I have to be patient with myself as I take care of myself - by hurrying and being impatient, it only makes matters worse.
Both my husband and daughter have terrible colds and they are my "caretakers". They have not felt well enough to take care of themselves, let alone me. You talk about a perfect storm - I feel sometimes that I am in the midst of it. I am getting a scratchy throat, so I hope and pray I don't come down with what they have. If I have to cough or sneeze, it will kill my abdomen.
Sometimes I start panicking about catching cold, or the surgery to fail, or whatever fears I can conjure up. Tonight was one of those experiences. The way I took care of it was to stop everything and ask the Lord for help. Amazing how that helps. I immediately started calming down.
That's all for now. When I hear anything from Susan and will post it here unless she finds the time to do it herself. For those interested I will keep you updated on my progress.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Trials are not easy but God sees us through them
From Sandy -
Just got an update on Susan's husband Gene. It's not good. He may not make it until tomorrow morning. Please pray for both Susan and Gene. Susan needs God's love and strength right now and Gene needs prayers for God to do His will in Gene's life.
It's a good thing I didn't know how hard it would be to live with this bag. I have already made another ER trip to the hospital - this time over blurred vision and my bladder. I cried at ER because I was feeling weak and sorry for myself. So far since surgery, I have made two trips to ER and one unexpected trip to see the Ostomy nurse and it's only been two weeks since my surgery. The bag leaks and is so disgusting and I have to be so careful to get it on just right. Praise the Lord the bag I put on yesterday afternoon is still going strong. Found out today that I am low on sodium and have no bladder infection. I drank about a quart of gatorade and have most of my strength back. The only pain I really have is my bladder and my back. I am eating a little bit better which also brings back my strength. I have probably lost 10 pounds since surgery. However, I am alive and comfy in my own home and I am definitely on the road to recovery.
God never leaves us through the trials and storms in our lives. I have felt His presence with me and felt it again while I was sitting on a guerney in a hospital gown this afternoon. I may not have the strength to get through this, but God supplies it for me. I know I am so blessed to have found these polyps before they turned cancerous. I know God led me in His own mysterious way to get a colonoscopy which I swore I never would have and certainly didn't need. He has more in store for me and I am His. It's been a hard year for my husband and myself, but God has seen us through the hardships. He has already seen us through trials this year and everything turned out o.k. I lean hard on the Lord and trust Him with my life for He has told me, "Be not afraid...just believe".
Just got an update on Susan's husband Gene. It's not good. He may not make it until tomorrow morning. Please pray for both Susan and Gene. Susan needs God's love and strength right now and Gene needs prayers for God to do His will in Gene's life.
It's a good thing I didn't know how hard it would be to live with this bag. I have already made another ER trip to the hospital - this time over blurred vision and my bladder. I cried at ER because I was feeling weak and sorry for myself. So far since surgery, I have made two trips to ER and one unexpected trip to see the Ostomy nurse and it's only been two weeks since my surgery. The bag leaks and is so disgusting and I have to be so careful to get it on just right. Praise the Lord the bag I put on yesterday afternoon is still going strong. Found out today that I am low on sodium and have no bladder infection. I drank about a quart of gatorade and have most of my strength back. The only pain I really have is my bladder and my back. I am eating a little bit better which also brings back my strength. I have probably lost 10 pounds since surgery. However, I am alive and comfy in my own home and I am definitely on the road to recovery.
God never leaves us through the trials and storms in our lives. I have felt His presence with me and felt it again while I was sitting on a guerney in a hospital gown this afternoon. I may not have the strength to get through this, but God supplies it for me. I know I am so blessed to have found these polyps before they turned cancerous. I know God led me in His own mysterious way to get a colonoscopy which I swore I never would have and certainly didn't need. He has more in store for me and I am His. It's been a hard year for my husband and myself, but God has seen us through the hardships. He has already seen us through trials this year and everything turned out o.k. I lean hard on the Lord and trust Him with my life for He has told me, "Be not afraid...just believe".
Monday, September 6, 2010
My progress
From Sandy -
First of all, will everyone on this blog please pray for Susan and Gene. I heard that Gene is not doing as well as expected. Susan needs our prays that God will give her peace and strength as she faces each new day of Gene's illness. Gene needs our prayers to ask the Lord to be with him and comfort him in this time of his life.
Well - I still feel good but I'm very very tired. I had the night from HE-- last night and didn't fall asleep until 5:00 a.m. Had to make an emergency run to the hospital. There is a tear in my stoma (the small intestine that comes out of the abdomen) and the bag I was wearing filled up with alot of blood. This really scared me and I knew there was nothing left to do but to go to ER, which is exactly what my husband and I did. I also have a bladder infection and it has made me so uncomfortable. I know that nothing runs perfect in life and ups and downs are bound to come with this surgery. After getting home from the hospital at 2 a.m., I was awake most of the night replacing my bag - each one would start leaking and it was not a pretty sight. I wanted so badly to just call someone at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, but of course I knew that would not be a good thing to do. Then, I realized that I am never alone and I called upon the Lord to help me get through the night. I fell asleep around 5:00 and slept until 11:00 a.m. I did get some sleep. I realized through all of this that even when I feel like I am alone - I am not. The Lord is always with me to give me faith, strength, hope and tomorrow morning.
I'm going to have to see the ostomy nurse tomorrow and see what can be done for my stoma. It is such a task to take care of my new body - not pleasant. I have gotten into self pity and that's totally the wrong thing to do. Again, I have to turn to the Lord and ask for His guidance in all of this. I know that all of us our His children and although I don't work now quite the way He made me, He loves me none the less for it. I think self-pity can really be a sin. It takes away all the blessings and covers your world in a gloomy cloud. My daughter was able to bring me out of the self-pity tonight. She said to think about people who have handicaps much worse than mine. I'm not really counting mine as a handicap. I am still blessed and being blessed by the Lord and will conquer the self-pity as well as "leaky" bags and "torn" stomas. I do have to work on my self-image right now, but the Lord will help me with that too.
I hope that this finds all of you well. Again, please pray for Susan and Gene.
First of all, will everyone on this blog please pray for Susan and Gene. I heard that Gene is not doing as well as expected. Susan needs our prays that God will give her peace and strength as she faces each new day of Gene's illness. Gene needs our prayers to ask the Lord to be with him and comfort him in this time of his life.
Well - I still feel good but I'm very very tired. I had the night from HE-- last night and didn't fall asleep until 5:00 a.m. Had to make an emergency run to the hospital. There is a tear in my stoma (the small intestine that comes out of the abdomen) and the bag I was wearing filled up with alot of blood. This really scared me and I knew there was nothing left to do but to go to ER, which is exactly what my husband and I did. I also have a bladder infection and it has made me so uncomfortable. I know that nothing runs perfect in life and ups and downs are bound to come with this surgery. After getting home from the hospital at 2 a.m., I was awake most of the night replacing my bag - each one would start leaking and it was not a pretty sight. I wanted so badly to just call someone at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, but of course I knew that would not be a good thing to do. Then, I realized that I am never alone and I called upon the Lord to help me get through the night. I fell asleep around 5:00 and slept until 11:00 a.m. I did get some sleep. I realized through all of this that even when I feel like I am alone - I am not. The Lord is always with me to give me faith, strength, hope and tomorrow morning.
I'm going to have to see the ostomy nurse tomorrow and see what can be done for my stoma. It is such a task to take care of my new body - not pleasant. I have gotten into self pity and that's totally the wrong thing to do. Again, I have to turn to the Lord and ask for His guidance in all of this. I know that all of us our His children and although I don't work now quite the way He made me, He loves me none the less for it. I think self-pity can really be a sin. It takes away all the blessings and covers your world in a gloomy cloud. My daughter was able to bring me out of the self-pity tonight. She said to think about people who have handicaps much worse than mine. I'm not really counting mine as a handicap. I am still blessed and being blessed by the Lord and will conquer the self-pity as well as "leaky" bags and "torn" stomas. I do have to work on my self-image right now, but the Lord will help me with that too.
I hope that this finds all of you well. Again, please pray for Susan and Gene.
Friday, September 3, 2010
I'm Back
From Sandy -
I want to thank everyone for their prayers. I know that the Lord honored each and every one of them. I went into the hospital Friday for surgery. I was wheeled into my room at midnight - My room was private which was wonderful and worth the wait. The nurses were great too. My doctor came to see me every day and was pleasantly surprised at how fast I was recovering. I was never nauseous from the anesthesia and was up and walking on Saturday - although not very far. I do have to tell you that sometimes the pain would grab me and I would almost faint, but it would come and go so quickly that it was tolerable. If I wasn't moving, there was no pain. The pain killers that were given to me worked very well. Getting up and down was painful, but I was able to walk alot in the hospital and eventually was able to take care of myself. The hospital food was horrible and my appetite still has not come back, but I can't complain. My surgeon sent me home on Wednesday because I was doing so well. He had very good news for me that the biopsy they took of everything showed no cancer. Thank the Good Lord. So, here I sit composing this post.
Although I think of the past few months as a nightmare, I know that the Lord was with me every step of the way. He provided me with just enough to get me through the day and I know Him and love Him much more today than yesterday. I can't believe how quickly the days have gone by since my surgery. It has been one week already and the worst is over. I do have to go back for a second surgery to connect a pouch that was formed out of my intestines. This won't be until the pouch and my body heal from this surgery.
I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be here at home on the mend. One of my friends gave me a postcard that was a picture of someone in surgery and Jesus is guiding the surgeon's hand. This picture went with me into surgery and was kept with my chart. I get emotional just thinking of how the Lord had His hand in everything that concerned me and still does. One bit of scripture that kept me going was "Be not afraid -- Just believe". I feel as if I've been through a fiery furnace, but Jesus never left my side.
I want to thank everyone for their prayers. I know that the Lord honored each and every one of them. I went into the hospital Friday for surgery. I was wheeled into my room at midnight - My room was private which was wonderful and worth the wait. The nurses were great too. My doctor came to see me every day and was pleasantly surprised at how fast I was recovering. I was never nauseous from the anesthesia and was up and walking on Saturday - although not very far. I do have to tell you that sometimes the pain would grab me and I would almost faint, but it would come and go so quickly that it was tolerable. If I wasn't moving, there was no pain. The pain killers that were given to me worked very well. Getting up and down was painful, but I was able to walk alot in the hospital and eventually was able to take care of myself. The hospital food was horrible and my appetite still has not come back, but I can't complain. My surgeon sent me home on Wednesday because I was doing so well. He had very good news for me that the biopsy they took of everything showed no cancer. Thank the Good Lord. So, here I sit composing this post.
Although I think of the past few months as a nightmare, I know that the Lord was with me every step of the way. He provided me with just enough to get me through the day and I know Him and love Him much more today than yesterday. I can't believe how quickly the days have gone by since my surgery. It has been one week already and the worst is over. I do have to go back for a second surgery to connect a pouch that was formed out of my intestines. This won't be until the pouch and my body heal from this surgery.
I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be here at home on the mend. One of my friends gave me a postcard that was a picture of someone in surgery and Jesus is guiding the surgeon's hand. This picture went with me into surgery and was kept with my chart. I get emotional just thinking of how the Lord had His hand in everything that concerned me and still does. One bit of scripture that kept me going was "Be not afraid -- Just believe". I feel as if I've been through a fiery furnace, but Jesus never left my side.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Sandy Update
I talked to Sandra's sister. Her surgery was five hours long. The surgery was successful. She is doing well.
Thank you Jesus!
Please continue to pray for Gene. He is doing better in being weaned off of the ventillator. I know the Lord is hearing your prayers for Gene and for Sandra's continued recovery.
Miriam had a successful hip surgery and is beginning her physical therapy.
Bonnie still needs our prayers for healing of the tumor.
I hope to get back to blogging again, when Gene is better and back home. I'm still trying to be with him each day, so he doesn't feel alone. Though we have had our problems, when your spouse is in such pain and suffering you really realize how much you love them.
Thank you so much for your prayers, Susan
Thank you Jesus!
Please continue to pray for Gene. He is doing better in being weaned off of the ventillator. I know the Lord is hearing your prayers for Gene and for Sandra's continued recovery.
Miriam had a successful hip surgery and is beginning her physical therapy.
Bonnie still needs our prayers for healing of the tumor.
I hope to get back to blogging again, when Gene is better and back home. I'm still trying to be with him each day, so he doesn't feel alone. Though we have had our problems, when your spouse is in such pain and suffering you really realize how much you love them.
Thank you so much for your prayers, Susan
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sandy's Surgery
Please keep her in your prayers today. She is having her surgery today.
Thank you for all your prayers. I know the Lord is hearing them!
Thank you for all your prayers. I know the Lord is hearing them!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
I am waiting upon the Lord
From Sandy -
Today I am writing this in the wee hours of Thursday Morning. Tomorrow, Friday, I am going to have my surgery. I am certainly not looking forward to it, but I will be so happy just to get it done and go on with my life. May 11 was when I first found out I needed surgery, so this has been a long time coming. I have experienced all kinds of emotions over the past few months. I experienced extreme anxiety and fear yet on the other end of the spectrum I have experienced peace and love. I have always been such a big chicken about everything and when I was told what the surgery would mean to my body, I freaked out completely. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, and my blood pressure went sky high (which only added to my worries). There was no one that could console me at first. I simply was devastated over my situation and depression and fear took a toll on me. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't have much interest in anything. I focused constantly on what was happening and would happen to me.
I was brought up knowing God and have turned to Him many times in my lifetime. But never have I felt so dependent upon him as I have with this "diseased colon". No matter who I talked to about the surgery, I came away with fear and anxiety. Only when I opened my Bible and read God's word did I find peace and serenity. I have never put God first in my life - but believe me He most definitely is #1 in my life now and I know He always will be. His words of comfort and love have not only sustained me but they have changed me. I feel faith growing in me and I trust the Lord like I never have before. I have actually heard Him whisper to me to tell me He would be with me and heal me. He told me that He would knit me back together during surgery and recovery as he first knit me together in my mother's womb. I've never listened for God's still small voice and when I actually heard Him tell me this I was overwhelmed with love for Him and knew He was with me. God does speak to us if we stop and listen. I have always been such a "busy" person - cleaning house, walking dogs, shopping, cooking, gardening, caring for my animals and working. I didn't have the time to put God first over all the busyness that I allowed to clutter my life. I made the time for God when I so desperately needed Him. I have stopped and listened for His voice. To my surprise I have heard Him. As much as I hate to admit it, this surgery is blessing me. What a precious gift I have because I do believe and my faith is growing and my trust is in the Lord God Almighty.
I have turned my body and the loss of my colon over to the Lord. I am waiting upon the Lord to knit me back together because He is the Great Physician. He will do this and I will praise Him for my sufficiency is of God.
Today I am writing this in the wee hours of Thursday Morning. Tomorrow, Friday, I am going to have my surgery. I am certainly not looking forward to it, but I will be so happy just to get it done and go on with my life. May 11 was when I first found out I needed surgery, so this has been a long time coming. I have experienced all kinds of emotions over the past few months. I experienced extreme anxiety and fear yet on the other end of the spectrum I have experienced peace and love. I have always been such a big chicken about everything and when I was told what the surgery would mean to my body, I freaked out completely. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, and my blood pressure went sky high (which only added to my worries). There was no one that could console me at first. I simply was devastated over my situation and depression and fear took a toll on me. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't have much interest in anything. I focused constantly on what was happening and would happen to me.
I was brought up knowing God and have turned to Him many times in my lifetime. But never have I felt so dependent upon him as I have with this "diseased colon". No matter who I talked to about the surgery, I came away with fear and anxiety. Only when I opened my Bible and read God's word did I find peace and serenity. I have never put God first in my life - but believe me He most definitely is #1 in my life now and I know He always will be. His words of comfort and love have not only sustained me but they have changed me. I feel faith growing in me and I trust the Lord like I never have before. I have actually heard Him whisper to me to tell me He would be with me and heal me. He told me that He would knit me back together during surgery and recovery as he first knit me together in my mother's womb. I've never listened for God's still small voice and when I actually heard Him tell me this I was overwhelmed with love for Him and knew He was with me. God does speak to us if we stop and listen. I have always been such a "busy" person - cleaning house, walking dogs, shopping, cooking, gardening, caring for my animals and working. I didn't have the time to put God first over all the busyness that I allowed to clutter my life. I made the time for God when I so desperately needed Him. I have stopped and listened for His voice. To my surprise I have heard Him. As much as I hate to admit it, this surgery is blessing me. What a precious gift I have because I do believe and my faith is growing and my trust is in the Lord God Almighty.
I have turned my body and the loss of my colon over to the Lord. I am waiting upon the Lord to knit me back together because He is the Great Physician. He will do this and I will praise Him for my sufficiency is of God.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Peace be Still
From Sandy -
I read Susan's post and I identify so much with what she has stated. We do have to trust the Lord around every bend. As the lyrics to Carrie Underwood's song "Jesus Take the Wheel" goes:
"Jesus Take The Wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it from me"
I sometimes feel like I'm sitting in a car without a steering wheel and no brakes. It seems like I was traveling down a peaceful and sometimes boring road when the steering wheel and brakes were taken away from me. It's at these times in life when there's no one who can help but the Lord. He alone is with me every second of every day. He alone knows my fears, my hopes, and my dreams - sometimes even before I recognize them. He travels this journey with me and He's always there for me in times of fear and dread. He is my rock, my strength and my fortress. I've had to trust Him and Him alone for my own sanity. I look up into my Savior's beautiful face and see the hope, love and strength that I need to get me through this present trial. I know He will be there during surgery and recovery. He is always with me and I love Him most of all. There's a peace that passes all understanding and He has chosen to bring me that peace.
I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8
I read Susan's post and I identify so much with what she has stated. We do have to trust the Lord around every bend. As the lyrics to Carrie Underwood's song "Jesus Take the Wheel" goes:
"Jesus Take The Wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it from me"
I sometimes feel like I'm sitting in a car without a steering wheel and no brakes. It seems like I was traveling down a peaceful and sometimes boring road when the steering wheel and brakes were taken away from me. It's at these times in life when there's no one who can help but the Lord. He alone is with me every second of every day. He alone knows my fears, my hopes, and my dreams - sometimes even before I recognize them. He travels this journey with me and He's always there for me in times of fear and dread. He is my rock, my strength and my fortress. I've had to trust Him and Him alone for my own sanity. I look up into my Savior's beautiful face and see the hope, love and strength that I need to get me through this present trial. I know He will be there during surgery and recovery. He is always with me and I love Him most of all. There's a peace that passes all understanding and He has chosen to bring me that peace.
I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8
Friday, August 20, 2010
Our journey right now
While sitting in the hospital by my husband, I read an IN TOUCH article by Dr. Charles F. Stanley. The main topicwas about busyness, which was a good one and at another time would be meant for me.
As I read the article, I realized there were points Dr. Stanley touched on that ministered to me right now. Basically, what I gleened from the article is to live in God's will by surrendering this time to Him and knowing that His plans are always good and perfect.
Dr. Stanley knows that our human tendency is to want to know the entire plan, but that is not God's way. "He says His Word is a lamp to our feet (Ps 119:105), not a searchlight." He also used an example of getting into your car at night, turning on the lights and driving. You drive in the beam without knowing what lies ahead in the darkness. Which is where I am right now.
I'm driving in the dark with Gene, my husband, as my passenger. I'm trying to discern where to take him next. It has been a very bumpy road for us. I've had some major medical decisions, and I've wondered as i drive on if I chose the right roads for him. The lights of my car seemed to dim each time, which has made it harder.
Dr. Stanley says, the Will of God usually comes to us in small increments. After we take one step, He reveals the next. I have truly seen this as I sit at the steering wheel confronted with life or death decisions that need to be made for him almost every other day, and not knowing if my choices were good ones.
I would love to have the search light shining all the way to the end of the journey,and see that Gene will be okay. Herein lies my lesson of learning to trust the Lord around every bend and turn in the dark with my headlights on.
Dr. Stanley says, "One of the greatest advantages of such dependent obedience is the freedom of leaving the consequences to Him. This truly gives me peace.
I have been so caught up with emotion, fear, and trepidation of the unknown that I had forgotten, AGAIN, that
He is in Control!
Susan
As I read the article, I realized there were points Dr. Stanley touched on that ministered to me right now. Basically, what I gleened from the article is to live in God's will by surrendering this time to Him and knowing that His plans are always good and perfect.
Dr. Stanley knows that our human tendency is to want to know the entire plan, but that is not God's way. "He says His Word is a lamp to our feet (Ps 119:105), not a searchlight." He also used an example of getting into your car at night, turning on the lights and driving. You drive in the beam without knowing what lies ahead in the darkness. Which is where I am right now.
I'm driving in the dark with Gene, my husband, as my passenger. I'm trying to discern where to take him next. It has been a very bumpy road for us. I've had some major medical decisions, and I've wondered as i drive on if I chose the right roads for him. The lights of my car seemed to dim each time, which has made it harder.
Dr. Stanley says, the Will of God usually comes to us in small increments. After we take one step, He reveals the next. I have truly seen this as I sit at the steering wheel confronted with life or death decisions that need to be made for him almost every other day, and not knowing if my choices were good ones.
I would love to have the search light shining all the way to the end of the journey,and see that Gene will be okay. Herein lies my lesson of learning to trust the Lord around every bend and turn in the dark with my headlights on.
Dr. Stanley says, "One of the greatest advantages of such dependent obedience is the freedom of leaving the consequences to Him. This truly gives me peace.
I have been so caught up with emotion, fear, and trepidation of the unknown that I had forgotten, AGAIN, that
He is in Control!
Susan
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Strength and Courage
From Sandy -
I am such a chicken when it comes to hospitals, doctors, biopsies and tests. My daughter is the opposite as she is an RN and has served in a number of departments of the hospital. She actually loves everything about hospitals - which is a good thing seeing that she is a nurse. She does not share my anxiety and fear. Without thinking, she has said things to me that have struck fear in me about my surgery. She would not do this on purpose, but she is a nurse and has spoken to me the truth without sugar coating anything. Sometimes I like the sugar coating in life. When I go for a mammogram or any other procedure, I am always fearful - not really expecting the worst, but hoping that the results will be good.
As the days bring me closer and closer to August 27 (my surgery date) - I find myself sometimes feeling weak and unable to face what the surgery will do to me. I don't want to do it - I can't understand really why I have to put myself through all of this. However, on the other hand I know that I have a potential time bomb that could mean cancer. I have to rid myself of this time bomb - which is my colon.
This is scary. My fear over tests and procedures has brought me to this reality of getting news I didn't want to hear. I've never had surgery before and have always been healthy. It seems like a bad dream and yet I know that I am awake. This is a time for me to be strong and have courage. In the first chapter of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua numerous times to be strong and of good courage. He tells Joshua that as He was with Moses, He will be with Joshua. He told Joshua He would not fail him nor forsake him. He told him to not be afraid , neither be dismayed; for the Lord God would be with him whithersoever he goes. Joshua succeeded Moses (after his death) in leading the people of Israel. God gave Joshua the key to success - meditating on God's word.
This first chapter of Joshua has been such a help to me. I know that in God's word I find the strength and courage to face anything. I am never alone - I may not have a friend to talk to in the wee hours of the morning, but I always have the Lord. He is my strength and courage and He has promised to see me through this ordeal.
I have the Lord to fight my battles. All I have to do is follow His directions for my life and He will do the rest. It's easier said than done, but it's what I plan to do. I will be strong and of good courage because the Lord my God is with me.
These posts of mine are mainly dwelling on my surgery. I do have blessings to count and God is blessing me through this trial. I have friends who are there for me and my church has blessed me and I know that the Lord will knit me back together again.
I know Susan and Gene need our prayers. I have not heard from Susan for a couple of days. I hope and pray that Gene will get better and that God will give Susan strength and peace to get through these hard days.
I am such a chicken when it comes to hospitals, doctors, biopsies and tests. My daughter is the opposite as she is an RN and has served in a number of departments of the hospital. She actually loves everything about hospitals - which is a good thing seeing that she is a nurse. She does not share my anxiety and fear. Without thinking, she has said things to me that have struck fear in me about my surgery. She would not do this on purpose, but she is a nurse and has spoken to me the truth without sugar coating anything. Sometimes I like the sugar coating in life. When I go for a mammogram or any other procedure, I am always fearful - not really expecting the worst, but hoping that the results will be good.
As the days bring me closer and closer to August 27 (my surgery date) - I find myself sometimes feeling weak and unable to face what the surgery will do to me. I don't want to do it - I can't understand really why I have to put myself through all of this. However, on the other hand I know that I have a potential time bomb that could mean cancer. I have to rid myself of this time bomb - which is my colon.
This is scary. My fear over tests and procedures has brought me to this reality of getting news I didn't want to hear. I've never had surgery before and have always been healthy. It seems like a bad dream and yet I know that I am awake. This is a time for me to be strong and have courage. In the first chapter of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua numerous times to be strong and of good courage. He tells Joshua that as He was with Moses, He will be with Joshua. He told Joshua He would not fail him nor forsake him. He told him to not be afraid , neither be dismayed; for the Lord God would be with him whithersoever he goes. Joshua succeeded Moses (after his death) in leading the people of Israel. God gave Joshua the key to success - meditating on God's word.
This first chapter of Joshua has been such a help to me. I know that in God's word I find the strength and courage to face anything. I am never alone - I may not have a friend to talk to in the wee hours of the morning, but I always have the Lord. He is my strength and courage and He has promised to see me through this ordeal.
I have the Lord to fight my battles. All I have to do is follow His directions for my life and He will do the rest. It's easier said than done, but it's what I plan to do. I will be strong and of good courage because the Lord my God is with me.
These posts of mine are mainly dwelling on my surgery. I do have blessings to count and God is blessing me through this trial. I have friends who are there for me and my church has blessed me and I know that the Lord will knit me back together again.
I know Susan and Gene need our prayers. I have not heard from Susan for a couple of days. I hope and pray that Gene will get better and that God will give Susan strength and peace to get through these hard days.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Trust and faith in the Lord
From Sandy -
I have 11 days until my surgery. I have to admit that sometimes I get so scared as the time passes so quickly. I want to get this over with and yet I think I could wait forever to have this surgery done. I still battle with these two feelings. I keep reading daily scripture and praying on my hands and knees for the Lord to be with me during this time. I have talked to two people that have had this procedure done and they are fine. I know that the Lord brought these people to me. I think what scares me the most is the fear of the unknown. I fear having my body cut into and losing an important part of my body. I fear pain and all that goes with it. I fear the day I walk into the hospital and they put me on a guerney and wheel me into surgery. I fear being at home during recovery and not being able to do things I normally would do for a while.
I am admitting these fears to you and to my Lord and Savior. He knows that I struggle every day with these fears and He provides me with the peace and comfort to get through the day. I have written before that the mornings when I first wake up are the hardest for me. I wake up with all the fears I mentioned in the previous paragraph. I have to literally get down on my hands and knees and pray for the peace and hope and faith to get me through the day. I've never had surgery before and I don't really like hospitals. I have to trust in God to be there with me and hold my hand. Sometimes I look at all these fears as being so self-centered. It's me, me, me all the time. I know I should always be looking up instead of looking down. When David wrote the book of Psalms, he went through so many experiences that I have gone through. God forgives us for our weaknesses and I know He will be there to see me through this "event" in my life.
I appreciate all the prayers. The Lord loves for us to come to Him in prayer and believe me He hears alot from me lately. Please continue to pray for Susan and Gene. The last I heard Gene was in ICU. Susan has a strong relationship with the Lord and I know He is her strength.
I know there are others here that need prayer. I'm new to this so I'm not sure how Susan gets names of people who need prayer or even how you can respond back to someone who has replied to my posts. We just need to pray for everyone here and trust the Lord to see us through the hard times in life.
Here is a prayer to live by - the prayer is not mine, it is from the book "Why me, God" written by Randy Petersen.
"Dear Lord, You know me, inside and out. You know how I'm dealing with this difficulty. You know what I'm doing right and wrong. You know my doubts and questions. You know the extent of my fragile faith.
When I cry myself to sleep, I know you hear me. When I lash out at others because of my own pain, I know you're there, too. And when I kneel before you in repentance and humility, I know you welcome me.
You promised life eternal, overflowing. That's what I want. Is there some way to bring me through these troubles in a way that brims with living? I must admit that sometimes I feel half-dead, but I need your energy flowing through me, your Spirit awakening my spirit. Let me radiate you presence to those around me. Let them see you living in me.
This I pray, in my struggling trust, clinging to the name of Jesus. Amen."
I have 11 days until my surgery. I have to admit that sometimes I get so scared as the time passes so quickly. I want to get this over with and yet I think I could wait forever to have this surgery done. I still battle with these two feelings. I keep reading daily scripture and praying on my hands and knees for the Lord to be with me during this time. I have talked to two people that have had this procedure done and they are fine. I know that the Lord brought these people to me. I think what scares me the most is the fear of the unknown. I fear having my body cut into and losing an important part of my body. I fear pain and all that goes with it. I fear the day I walk into the hospital and they put me on a guerney and wheel me into surgery. I fear being at home during recovery and not being able to do things I normally would do for a while.
I am admitting these fears to you and to my Lord and Savior. He knows that I struggle every day with these fears and He provides me with the peace and comfort to get through the day. I have written before that the mornings when I first wake up are the hardest for me. I wake up with all the fears I mentioned in the previous paragraph. I have to literally get down on my hands and knees and pray for the peace and hope and faith to get me through the day. I've never had surgery before and I don't really like hospitals. I have to trust in God to be there with me and hold my hand. Sometimes I look at all these fears as being so self-centered. It's me, me, me all the time. I know I should always be looking up instead of looking down. When David wrote the book of Psalms, he went through so many experiences that I have gone through. God forgives us for our weaknesses and I know He will be there to see me through this "event" in my life.
I appreciate all the prayers. The Lord loves for us to come to Him in prayer and believe me He hears alot from me lately. Please continue to pray for Susan and Gene. The last I heard Gene was in ICU. Susan has a strong relationship with the Lord and I know He is her strength.
I know there are others here that need prayer. I'm new to this so I'm not sure how Susan gets names of people who need prayer or even how you can respond back to someone who has replied to my posts. We just need to pray for everyone here and trust the Lord to see us through the hard times in life.
Here is a prayer to live by - the prayer is not mine, it is from the book "Why me, God" written by Randy Petersen.
"Dear Lord, You know me, inside and out. You know how I'm dealing with this difficulty. You know what I'm doing right and wrong. You know my doubts and questions. You know the extent of my fragile faith.
When I cry myself to sleep, I know you hear me. When I lash out at others because of my own pain, I know you're there, too. And when I kneel before you in repentance and humility, I know you welcome me.
You promised life eternal, overflowing. That's what I want. Is there some way to bring me through these troubles in a way that brims with living? I must admit that sometimes I feel half-dead, but I need your energy flowing through me, your Spirit awakening my spirit. Let me radiate you presence to those around me. Let them see you living in me.
This I pray, in my struggling trust, clinging to the name of Jesus. Amen."
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thank you for your prayers!
I'm sorry that I haven't given many updates. I get up early and stay late with Gene at the hospital. I have never been through a major medical event prior to this. I never fully realized what a toll it takes on the loved one, the family, and yourself. My husband, Gene, had a large stroke. We have been on a nightmare rollercoaster ride. It seems like every day for the last 14 days something major has happened. He had to have bladder surgery, he had a bladder infection, a special filter surgery (sorry I can't remember what it is called) for two blood clots that they found, a feeding tube surgery, and yesterday, double pneumonia.
Yesterday afternoon, I thought he was dying. He was in such misery, I could hardly sit by him and watch him laboring to breathe. I sat praying for him, and I know lots of people are praying for him. In the early evening, he came out of it and was the most alert I've seen him since the stroke! He was smiling, trying to talk, and even got out "Hi kid", when I walked into the room once. It was really a miracle that everyone could see! I'm praying that we have "turned the corner", and he will begin to recover now.
I haven't called yet to see how he is this morning. He is in a rehab hosptial and they don't allow visitors to stay past 9:00 p.m. It is a good thing for the spouse and family. The nurses at the rehab are wonderful, so I have been able to relax a little. I know he is in good hands. I also know the Lord is watching over him. I wish I had time to tell you all the Lord has done to make this journey easier. He has walked ahead of us the whole way.
Please keep praying for Gene. He still needs to pass the "swallow test" so that he can eat on his own. Also, please pray for his recovery of his speech, his right arm, and leg.
Thank you so much for all your prayers and sweet emails. The prayers have been mighty, and the emails have touched my heart to the core.
I miss getting to write or read Sandy's blog. I did just read them, and Sandra you are blessing me through your words. I'm sorry about your chicken. It doesn't sound strange to me at all, I use to have a pet turkey. Hurkey Turkey was an amazing pet too!
I don't know when I will have time to write again. Our kids have had to go back home, so I will be on my own. I pray a blessing from the Lord on all of you!
In Jesus' love,
Susan
Please pray for Gene (healing), Sandy (colon surgery), Miriam (hip surgery), Bonnie (healing), Susan (to keep the joy of the Lord and that it may shine to others)
Yesterday afternoon, I thought he was dying. He was in such misery, I could hardly sit by him and watch him laboring to breathe. I sat praying for him, and I know lots of people are praying for him. In the early evening, he came out of it and was the most alert I've seen him since the stroke! He was smiling, trying to talk, and even got out "Hi kid", when I walked into the room once. It was really a miracle that everyone could see! I'm praying that we have "turned the corner", and he will begin to recover now.
I haven't called yet to see how he is this morning. He is in a rehab hosptial and they don't allow visitors to stay past 9:00 p.m. It is a good thing for the spouse and family. The nurses at the rehab are wonderful, so I have been able to relax a little. I know he is in good hands. I also know the Lord is watching over him. I wish I had time to tell you all the Lord has done to make this journey easier. He has walked ahead of us the whole way.
Please keep praying for Gene. He still needs to pass the "swallow test" so that he can eat on his own. Also, please pray for his recovery of his speech, his right arm, and leg.
Thank you so much for all your prayers and sweet emails. The prayers have been mighty, and the emails have touched my heart to the core.
I miss getting to write or read Sandy's blog. I did just read them, and Sandra you are blessing me through your words. I'm sorry about your chicken. It doesn't sound strange to me at all, I use to have a pet turkey. Hurkey Turkey was an amazing pet too!
I don't know when I will have time to write again. Our kids have had to go back home, so I will be on my own. I pray a blessing from the Lord on all of you!
In Jesus' love,
Susan
Please pray for Gene (healing), Sandy (colon surgery), Miriam (hip surgery), Bonnie (healing), Susan (to keep the joy of the Lord and that it may shine to others)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I am sad today
More from Sandy -
I am really not doing good today. I love animals and as silly as this may sound to some people, my pet chicken "Chicky Chick" died today. She was fine yesterday and she ate and drank last night but today we noticed that she was not able to keep her head up or stand up. I gave her some antibiotics and water, but it was too late. I feel as if I just lost a very good friend. She was always talking to me and she was a beautiful little chicken. She was born here in our back yard and I tried so hard to take care of her. I don't know what happened, but she is gone.
I know the Lord knows when a sparrow falls to the ground and He keeps track of them, so I know He was aware of my little chicken. I'm afraid I have nothing spiritual or uplifting to say right now. I am fighting back tears and I am also crying for myself. It's been one tough year and it has been a struggle. I lost my pot belly pig this year and my colon is being removed and I am just giving in to the losses in my life right now. I look at animals as being able to love and receive love back and that is what I've always tried to do with my animals is love them.
I know that this too shall pass, but for right now I feel devastated. The loss of my pet has brought back all the fear and anxiety that I have been handling pretty well. All I can do is trust in God. I am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me!
I am really not doing good today. I love animals and as silly as this may sound to some people, my pet chicken "Chicky Chick" died today. She was fine yesterday and she ate and drank last night but today we noticed that she was not able to keep her head up or stand up. I gave her some antibiotics and water, but it was too late. I feel as if I just lost a very good friend. She was always talking to me and she was a beautiful little chicken. She was born here in our back yard and I tried so hard to take care of her. I don't know what happened, but she is gone.
I know the Lord knows when a sparrow falls to the ground and He keeps track of them, so I know He was aware of my little chicken. I'm afraid I have nothing spiritual or uplifting to say right now. I am fighting back tears and I am also crying for myself. It's been one tough year and it has been a struggle. I lost my pot belly pig this year and my colon is being removed and I am just giving in to the losses in my life right now. I look at animals as being able to love and receive love back and that is what I've always tried to do with my animals is love them.
I know that this too shall pass, but for right now I feel devastated. The loss of my pet has brought back all the fear and anxiety that I have been handling pretty well. All I can do is trust in God. I am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
God Bless You
It's me again, Sandy. I'm making this post short but sweet. This was sent to me and I think it is so profound and wise - I wanted to share it with you.
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything!
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything!
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God
Sunday, August 8, 2010
More of Him and less of me
Hi everyone - it's me again, Sandy. I have not heard from Susan but hope and pray that Gene is on the road to recovery and that the Lord is giving Susan the strength and support that she needs at this difficult time.
I have been so busy lately preparing for my surgery. I know I won't be able to lift things or properly take care of my home after the surgery, so I have been cleaning and shopping and trying to get everything in order. I still wake up every morning feeling like a ton of bricks are on my back - but once I kneel and pray, I feel much better and get through the day with a much lighter feeling knowing that God is in charge. I love to start the day with part of my prayer being "Hello God, This is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". I have to turn my colon and body over to Him each morning and this enables me to get through the day with little or no worry about my surgery.
Friends, family and even strangers have been blessing me so much during this time of waiting. I am a people person and love to be around people. It's been hard this past year as the bank where I worked for 14 years was closed down by the FDIC and I miss all the wonderful people that I worked with. I have had to stay at home and have not had the money to do much. I guess the Lord gave me this "down" time to be alone and ponder just who I am and why I'm here inhabiting a small piece of this large world we live in. I have felt lonely and worthless and have gotten really lazy. God in His wonderful way turned my world upside down and He has definitely given me a purpose in this life of mine. Having always been a whiner and a "poor me" type, I do believe I have finally matured. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have to be strong and face this trial head on. I have to be brave for my family and prove to them that the Lord has and will sustain me throughout this period of my life. I honestly feel that the answer to handling all of life's ups and downs is to put God first and everything else including me, second. The more I dwell upon God's word and His love and His promises, the less I dwell on my health and the surgery.
The Lord has given me a precious gift. He has given me Himself. He has always been there throughout all my fears and trepidations, but now I know Him and I truly trust Him. If it were not for this present situation that I find myself in, I would have never felt so close to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I still envision bowing down at his feet and touching the hem of his robe. He looks down at me and lifts me to my feet and tells me "I will heal you".
My growing relationship with the Lord reminds me of the song from The King and I - Getting to Know You -
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you,
getting to like you, getting to know you like me,
Getting to know you, putting it my way but nicely,
You are precisely my cup of tea
Getting to know you, getting to feel free and easy,
When I am with you, getting to know what to say,
Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new things I'm learning about you
Day by day
I hope no one takes offense to this comparison - but I feel so comfortable with the Lord that the words to this song apply so much to my experience with Him. Through the trials and tribulations of life, we really get to know our Heavenly Father and know Him as our Father.
I have been so busy lately preparing for my surgery. I know I won't be able to lift things or properly take care of my home after the surgery, so I have been cleaning and shopping and trying to get everything in order. I still wake up every morning feeling like a ton of bricks are on my back - but once I kneel and pray, I feel much better and get through the day with a much lighter feeling knowing that God is in charge. I love to start the day with part of my prayer being "Hello God, This is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". I have to turn my colon and body over to Him each morning and this enables me to get through the day with little or no worry about my surgery.
Friends, family and even strangers have been blessing me so much during this time of waiting. I am a people person and love to be around people. It's been hard this past year as the bank where I worked for 14 years was closed down by the FDIC and I miss all the wonderful people that I worked with. I have had to stay at home and have not had the money to do much. I guess the Lord gave me this "down" time to be alone and ponder just who I am and why I'm here inhabiting a small piece of this large world we live in. I have felt lonely and worthless and have gotten really lazy. God in His wonderful way turned my world upside down and He has definitely given me a purpose in this life of mine. Having always been a whiner and a "poor me" type, I do believe I have finally matured. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have to be strong and face this trial head on. I have to be brave for my family and prove to them that the Lord has and will sustain me throughout this period of my life. I honestly feel that the answer to handling all of life's ups and downs is to put God first and everything else including me, second. The more I dwell upon God's word and His love and His promises, the less I dwell on my health and the surgery.
The Lord has given me a precious gift. He has given me Himself. He has always been there throughout all my fears and trepidations, but now I know Him and I truly trust Him. If it were not for this present situation that I find myself in, I would have never felt so close to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I still envision bowing down at his feet and touching the hem of his robe. He looks down at me and lifts me to my feet and tells me "I will heal you".
My growing relationship with the Lord reminds me of the song from The King and I - Getting to Know You -
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you,
getting to like you, getting to know you like me,
Getting to know you, putting it my way but nicely,
You are precisely my cup of tea
Getting to know you, getting to feel free and easy,
When I am with you, getting to know what to say,
Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new things I'm learning about you
Day by day
I hope no one takes offense to this comparison - but I feel so comfortable with the Lord that the words to this song apply so much to my experience with Him. Through the trials and tribulations of life, we really get to know our Heavenly Father and know Him as our Father.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Three weeks til surgery
More from Sandy -
First of all I want to let you know that I have heard from Susan. She is waiting for Gene to be moved to a rehabilitation center. She is not home much and not getting alot of sleep, so please keep her and Gene in your prayers.
I just wanted to talk tonight about my surgery. It scares me, but the Lord has assured me He will see me through it and will be with me every step of the way. Last night I sat in front of my computer and cried because I stopped a minute and let self-pity and fear push out the faith and strength that the Lord has provided. I still am wrestling with the fact that "if it's not broke why fix it". Although I know that my colon is not healthy and the Lord led me to this point, being so very human, I keep thinking "what if there's nothing wrong and they take out a part of my body that is o.k." It would actually be easier to accept the surgery if I had pain, or something "not right" with my bodily functions - but this is not the case. Then I have to stop and tell myself that my life is being saved because the Lord led me to the colonoscopy. He knew that I would never have had one done and had refused to have one done 14 years ago when it was suggested to me by my doctor.
I think about how this surgery will change my life and I get fearful. I have been eating everything and anything lately because I know that I won't be able to after surgery. Every once in a while I say goodbye to my colon. This in itself makes me feel sad, but it's diseased and it has to go. I'm just telling it like it is tonight. My feelings have gone all over the place. However (and this is a big huge HOWEVER) I am amazed that I am handling all of this as well as I have for the majority of the time. Being the anxiety ridden person that I am, I have always worried about lumps and pain and imagined the worst. I have actually made myself sick in the past over worry. I can't pat myself on the back for feeling halfway normal at this point - I know the Lord has given me serenity and peace of mind. I slip back to fear every once in a while, and that's when I pick up one of my little books on daily scripture or the Bible and it sets me right back on track again. I get scared sometimes from what people say. My own daughter talked to me about pain after the surgery and that was a set-back. Another set-back this week was when I received a phone call from the hospital's Genetics Dept. concerning my blood test for a cancer gene - the results are not back yet. I have to add here that I know I don't carry that gene - I feel it in my inner most being and know this is coming from God. But when I get fearful and self-centered all thoughts of the Lord get driven out and replaced with anxiety, fear and depression. That's when I stop everything and run to the Lord.
Today I had lunch with a good friend that has had four colon surgeries. She has been such a blessing and has shared so much with me. I thank the Lord for her. She has a friend that had the same surgery done a year ago and she is going to provide me with his phone number because he will share with me all about his "j-pouch". I am grateful for the people that the Lord is putting in my life right now and I know that He is loving me and helping me through them.
First of all I want to let you know that I have heard from Susan. She is waiting for Gene to be moved to a rehabilitation center. She is not home much and not getting alot of sleep, so please keep her and Gene in your prayers.
I just wanted to talk tonight about my surgery. It scares me, but the Lord has assured me He will see me through it and will be with me every step of the way. Last night I sat in front of my computer and cried because I stopped a minute and let self-pity and fear push out the faith and strength that the Lord has provided. I still am wrestling with the fact that "if it's not broke why fix it". Although I know that my colon is not healthy and the Lord led me to this point, being so very human, I keep thinking "what if there's nothing wrong and they take out a part of my body that is o.k." It would actually be easier to accept the surgery if I had pain, or something "not right" with my bodily functions - but this is not the case. Then I have to stop and tell myself that my life is being saved because the Lord led me to the colonoscopy. He knew that I would never have had one done and had refused to have one done 14 years ago when it was suggested to me by my doctor.
I think about how this surgery will change my life and I get fearful. I have been eating everything and anything lately because I know that I won't be able to after surgery. Every once in a while I say goodbye to my colon. This in itself makes me feel sad, but it's diseased and it has to go. I'm just telling it like it is tonight. My feelings have gone all over the place. However (and this is a big huge HOWEVER) I am amazed that I am handling all of this as well as I have for the majority of the time. Being the anxiety ridden person that I am, I have always worried about lumps and pain and imagined the worst. I have actually made myself sick in the past over worry. I can't pat myself on the back for feeling halfway normal at this point - I know the Lord has given me serenity and peace of mind. I slip back to fear every once in a while, and that's when I pick up one of my little books on daily scripture or the Bible and it sets me right back on track again. I get scared sometimes from what people say. My own daughter talked to me about pain after the surgery and that was a set-back. Another set-back this week was when I received a phone call from the hospital's Genetics Dept. concerning my blood test for a cancer gene - the results are not back yet. I have to add here that I know I don't carry that gene - I feel it in my inner most being and know this is coming from God. But when I get fearful and self-centered all thoughts of the Lord get driven out and replaced with anxiety, fear and depression. That's when I stop everything and run to the Lord.
Today I had lunch with a good friend that has had four colon surgeries. She has been such a blessing and has shared so much with me. I thank the Lord for her. She has a friend that had the same surgery done a year ago and she is going to provide me with his phone number because he will share with me all about his "j-pouch". I am grateful for the people that the Lord is putting in my life right now and I know that He is loving me and helping me through them.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Waiting and Patience
Again, I am filling in for Susan. I just wanted to share my experience with Patience and Waiting. Since May 11 I have known that I would have to have surgery. I didn't know at that time how extensive, but the doctor told me when I awoke after the colonoscopy that I would have to have surgery. I have never been a patient person and I hate to wait. I hate to wait for a red light to turn green and I hate to wait for vacations or holidays. When I want something or feel I need something - I want it right now. I lack the patience to wait for anything. I become impatient with people whom I think are acting or reacting too slow. I am impatient to get things done. When I am given a job to do - I want it done now and I start right away. When I was in school, I always got my homework completed as soon as I got it and term papers or special projects were also completed as soon as possible. So, the waiting for my surgery has been a test of patience. In a way I think I could wait forever for this surgery and yet I want it over and done with. I have always asked God for more patience and isn't it funny how God teaches me this lesson. He has put an event in my life that I dread and yet I want to get it over with. This dilemma is teaching me more about God's timing - not mine. The whole situation has taught me to turn it all over to God with faith and trust in Him. I still marvel at the "normal" life I am living daily in spite of the looming surgery. This serenity and peace of mind is from Him. He knew that I needed time to ponder the whole situation to be able to accept it. How Great is our God. I can't begin to express the love I have for Him and the gratitude I have for the valuable lessons He has taught me just through this one trial in my life. I am so grateful for two wonderful parents who raised me up to know the Lord. I have always lived with Him and loved Him - but not like I do today. He is my world and I praise him. There are times at night or in the wee hours of the morning when I am all alone and afraid - but not alone because I have the Lord with me and who better to whisper words of comfort and hope to me than the Lord. I am still learning to wait upon the Lord and I cast all my care upon Him - for he cares for me.
Monday, August 2, 2010
JUST BELIEVE
Hi everyone - Susan has asked me to blog while she is with Gene. We all need to keep them in our prayers.
I found out the date for my surgery. It will be Friday, August 27. It's so hard to imagine that I have to have my colon removed when I feel so healthy. I feel energetic and I have absolutely no problems from all the polyps that are in my colon. However, I know that God led me to this point and I know that He wants me around for a little longer. The events that happened to lead me to the colonoscopy were from Him. I will have a new beginning and I trust the Lord now more than I ever have. At first it was the scariest thing I've ever faced, but the Lord has given me the time and patience to work it out in my mind and I am almost at peace with the surgery. I know that Jesus will be holding my hand and I picture bending down at his feet to touch his robe and being healed. He constantly tells me "Be not afraid - just believe". I cannot tell you what peace this brings to my soul. I find that dwelling on the Lord and taking me eyes off of me helps in ways beyond understanding. The peace of mind that has come to me lately is a gift from God.
I sat down Saturday morning and listed all the things that God has blessed me with. It was a beautiful experience to see how he has been there and "fixed" things for me the past few months. Although I have been through the fire, He has been there to keep me from harm. He has blessed my daughter with no polyps - she just had a colonoscopy because of me. He has blessed my sister with no polyps - she as well had a colonoscopy because of me. He healed my puppy's broken leg and he has provided for my husband and I financially. I am truly blessed and I know He will continue to bless me through the surgery and healing process. All I have to do is "just believe".
I know I am weak, but He is strong - yes, Jesus loves me.
Please pray for Gene's healing and strength and rest for Susan
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Miriam's healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14
Sandy's healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter
I found out the date for my surgery. It will be Friday, August 27. It's so hard to imagine that I have to have my colon removed when I feel so healthy. I feel energetic and I have absolutely no problems from all the polyps that are in my colon. However, I know that God led me to this point and I know that He wants me around for a little longer. The events that happened to lead me to the colonoscopy were from Him. I will have a new beginning and I trust the Lord now more than I ever have. At first it was the scariest thing I've ever faced, but the Lord has given me the time and patience to work it out in my mind and I am almost at peace with the surgery. I know that Jesus will be holding my hand and I picture bending down at his feet to touch his robe and being healed. He constantly tells me "Be not afraid - just believe". I cannot tell you what peace this brings to my soul. I find that dwelling on the Lord and taking me eyes off of me helps in ways beyond understanding. The peace of mind that has come to me lately is a gift from God.
I sat down Saturday morning and listed all the things that God has blessed me with. It was a beautiful experience to see how he has been there and "fixed" things for me the past few months. Although I have been through the fire, He has been there to keep me from harm. He has blessed my daughter with no polyps - she just had a colonoscopy because of me. He has blessed my sister with no polyps - she as well had a colonoscopy because of me. He healed my puppy's broken leg and he has provided for my husband and I financially. I am truly blessed and I know He will continue to bless me through the surgery and healing process. All I have to do is "just believe".
I know I am weak, but He is strong - yes, Jesus loves me.
Please pray for Gene's healing and strength and rest for Susan
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Miriam's healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14
Sandy's healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter
Thank you!
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write more to you all. Gene’s kids and mine have all been here trying to help, but I just haven’t felt like I can leave Gene’s bedside for long. The kids have been sitting with him the last two nights so I could get some sleep in my own bed. Trying to sleep in a chair is almost impossible! I’m so tired, that I just come home, try to read your sweet emails and comments, and then I plop into bed!
I’m really not sure what Gene’s recovery is going to be yet. They found some bleeding in the brain. We are told this is normal, but not good if it continues. He is looking so much better and is stronger. He is saying some words. He is very frustrated. (One can only imagine.) The physical therapists worked with him yesterday and were amazed that he could stand up with them. They seemed very optimistic for the rehab of his right side which is affected.
Today he needs to pass the swallow test, so he can eat and drink. Please pray that he will pass it. He let me know he is starving, the poor guy.
Please pray for me to be strong. It is tearing my heart out to see him like this. I know there is hope, as I have heard from friends who know of friends or family who had the same issues and are doing great! I know the Lord hears our prayers.
I’m learning this is really a day by day experience. I will write when I have time. I have to write from my home computer.
Gene was in really good spirits yesterday. It was wonderful to see him smiling and even laughing. It felt so good for both of us.
I know the Lord has a plan, and I know He is in Control.
Please pray that I keep that in my heart and soul!
Thank you so much!
Susan
Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write more to you all. Gene’s kids and mine have all been here trying to help, but I just haven’t felt like I can leave Gene’s bedside for long. The kids have been sitting with him the last two nights so I could get some sleep in my own bed. Trying to sleep in a chair is almost impossible! I’m so tired, that I just come home, try to read your sweet emails and comments, and then I plop into bed!
I’m really not sure what Gene’s recovery is going to be yet. They found some bleeding in the brain. We are told this is normal, but not good if it continues. He is looking so much better and is stronger. He is saying some words. He is very frustrated. (One can only imagine.) The physical therapists worked with him yesterday and were amazed that he could stand up with them. They seemed very optimistic for the rehab of his right side which is affected.
Today he needs to pass the swallow test, so he can eat and drink. Please pray that he will pass it. He let me know he is starving, the poor guy.
Please pray for me to be strong. It is tearing my heart out to see him like this. I know there is hope, as I have heard from friends who know of friends or family who had the same issues and are doing great! I know the Lord hears our prayers.
I’m learning this is really a day by day experience. I will write when I have time. I have to write from my home computer.
Gene was in really good spirits yesterday. It was wonderful to see him smiling and even laughing. It felt so good for both of us.
I know the Lord has a plan, and I know He is in Control.
Please pray that I keep that in my heart and soul!
Thank you so much!
Susan
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I need your prayers
Hi,
I'm just home for a couple of minutes, but wanted to ask you to please pray for a full recovery for my husband, Gene. He had a stroke today, it was a big clot in his brain. They were able to remove it and smaller ones, but not sure what the outcome will be.
Thank you so much, Susan
I'm just home for a couple of minutes, but wanted to ask you to please pray for a full recovery for my husband, Gene. He had a stroke today, it was a big clot in his brain. They were able to remove it and smaller ones, but not sure what the outcome will be.
Thank you so much, Susan
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
What is the Lord's Plan for My Life?
This is something I have struggled with for a very long time. When I first became a Christian at the age of twenty, and for many years, I believed my purpose was to teach people things I learned from a Christian lady named Mary. (I wrote about her in my blog on July 8th, “One of my Lifetime Memorials”.) She had some beliefs that were not part of mainstream Christianity. As the years passed, and some of her prophesies did not happen. I began to question these beliefs, and eventually, wandered from my walk with the Lord.
After repenting and being forgiven by our Lord and Savior, I have worried that I walked away from His plan for my life. I have prayed about it for many years. I have read books on the subject. Yet, I didn’t experience any epiphanies.
Recently, when I talked to Sandy about her upcoming surgery and her walk with the Lord, she brought up the same topic. She has struggled over the years too, not really knowing her purpose for being here. In speaking with Sandy, it made me realize that I’m not alone. I want the Lord to one day say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
In 2001, while praying about this very subject, the Lord gave me a scripture. Psalm 45:1 “My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” I was so excited. I finally found my purpose! As a teacher my favorite thing was reading children’s books to my students. I loved watching their faces and reactions to the stories. I decided the Lord must want me to write children’s books. I tried many times, but there just wasn’t any real inspiration. I even thought that if the books glorified God in some way that was my purpose.
I have always had that scripture in my mind as a possible purpose for my life, but I quit trying to make it happen. The day I started this blog, (which you can read about by looking back at “I’m Here” in June). I didn’t think of that scripture. I have only recently realized that I’m fulfilling it!
I write this to encourage you. I’ve been so worried about my role in His Kingdom, and that I wasn’t doing enough. I realize now that I just need to keep my main role in His Kingdom, which is walking in obedience, and simply being a light to others. He will cause the rest to happen in His time!
Praise His Holy Name!
Susan
Please pray for Colby’s healing
Bonnie’s healing of her tumor
Miriam’s healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14th
Sandy’s healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter
After repenting and being forgiven by our Lord and Savior, I have worried that I walked away from His plan for my life. I have prayed about it for many years. I have read books on the subject. Yet, I didn’t experience any epiphanies.
Recently, when I talked to Sandy about her upcoming surgery and her walk with the Lord, she brought up the same topic. She has struggled over the years too, not really knowing her purpose for being here. In speaking with Sandy, it made me realize that I’m not alone. I want the Lord to one day say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
In 2001, while praying about this very subject, the Lord gave me a scripture. Psalm 45:1 “My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” I was so excited. I finally found my purpose! As a teacher my favorite thing was reading children’s books to my students. I loved watching their faces and reactions to the stories. I decided the Lord must want me to write children’s books. I tried many times, but there just wasn’t any real inspiration. I even thought that if the books glorified God in some way that was my purpose.
I have always had that scripture in my mind as a possible purpose for my life, but I quit trying to make it happen. The day I started this blog, (which you can read about by looking back at “I’m Here” in June). I didn’t think of that scripture. I have only recently realized that I’m fulfilling it!
I write this to encourage you. I’ve been so worried about my role in His Kingdom, and that I wasn’t doing enough. I realize now that I just need to keep my main role in His Kingdom, which is walking in obedience, and simply being a light to others. He will cause the rest to happen in His time!
Praise His Holy Name!
Susan
Please pray for Colby’s healing
Bonnie’s healing of her tumor
Miriam’s healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14th
Sandy’s healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter
Monday, July 26, 2010
Happiness
Good Day Everyone!
I prayed this morning as I went to get out my Bible and prayer journal, as I do each time I write. I asked the Lord to guide me as I write to Him and to you. I sat down near the computer, and checked my email. I noticed a subject headline from Oprah’s newsletter. It read, “What does it really take to be happy?” I didn’t read it. Actually, I thought I had unsubscribed from her newsletter some time ago. (I pray that in her spiritual journey, she will truly find Jesus Christ. I continue to pray for her.)
Then, I happened to turn to some of my notes from a sermon dated, November, 2008, it said, “Happiness depends largely on our circumstances, but joy is more of a quiet confidence in God and His promises. As you look at your own life, can you identify any sources of joy that have influenced you even when you weren’t happy?”
The answer I had written was, “Whenever I have prayed earnestly about something, and then found the answers in God’s Word and circumstances in my life.” Reflecting on that answer, I realize it was true then, and always has been true for me since becoming a child of God. I can’t think of a greater joy or thrill to know that God is speaking to me as an individual. Even though His words come from the Bible, written for all mankind, you know without a doubt the words that He led you to read at that moment are meant for you. So, often too, He uses outside sources to confirm it. A friend will say something, or you will read it somewhere else, the church sermon will bring it up, etc. However He chooses to communicate it, He causes His Spirit within you to recognize it is Him giving you the answer.
As I write to you the Lord is showing me that is the answer to Oprah’s question. True happiness is as our pastor stated, “...a quiet confidence in God and His promises.” When I experience the joy of His personal attention, it gives me confidence in God and His promises. It is proof to me. It gives me hope and contentment KNOWING that He is right there with me, giving me true happiness.
Does He always answer me immediately? No, but that is when I need to remember the times He has answered my prayers. (See my aforementioned keeping a list of answered prayers.) I may have to walk blindly for a while, trusting that He has a plan for my life.
He has a plan for yours too!
Think about this, if you knew the plan, you wouldn’t have to pray every day!
John 15: 10 & 11 (Jesus’ Words) “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments, and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, and that your JOY may be made FULL.” (My capitalization!)
He is in Control!
Susan
Please pray for: Colby's healing
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Sandy's successful surgery (or I'm asking for a miraculous
healing if it is God's Will)
Miriam's upcoming surgery on her hip (Aug.14)
Nancy for a job
I think Joan was a typing error on my last
blog, but because the Lord doesn't make
mistakes, thank you for praying for her!
I prayed this morning as I went to get out my Bible and prayer journal, as I do each time I write. I asked the Lord to guide me as I write to Him and to you. I sat down near the computer, and checked my email. I noticed a subject headline from Oprah’s newsletter. It read, “What does it really take to be happy?” I didn’t read it. Actually, I thought I had unsubscribed from her newsletter some time ago. (I pray that in her spiritual journey, she will truly find Jesus Christ. I continue to pray for her.)
Then, I happened to turn to some of my notes from a sermon dated, November, 2008, it said, “Happiness depends largely on our circumstances, but joy is more of a quiet confidence in God and His promises. As you look at your own life, can you identify any sources of joy that have influenced you even when you weren’t happy?”
The answer I had written was, “Whenever I have prayed earnestly about something, and then found the answers in God’s Word and circumstances in my life.” Reflecting on that answer, I realize it was true then, and always has been true for me since becoming a child of God. I can’t think of a greater joy or thrill to know that God is speaking to me as an individual. Even though His words come from the Bible, written for all mankind, you know without a doubt the words that He led you to read at that moment are meant for you. So, often too, He uses outside sources to confirm it. A friend will say something, or you will read it somewhere else, the church sermon will bring it up, etc. However He chooses to communicate it, He causes His Spirit within you to recognize it is Him giving you the answer.
As I write to you the Lord is showing me that is the answer to Oprah’s question. True happiness is as our pastor stated, “...a quiet confidence in God and His promises.” When I experience the joy of His personal attention, it gives me confidence in God and His promises. It is proof to me. It gives me hope and contentment KNOWING that He is right there with me, giving me true happiness.
Does He always answer me immediately? No, but that is when I need to remember the times He has answered my prayers. (See my aforementioned keeping a list of answered prayers.) I may have to walk blindly for a while, trusting that He has a plan for my life.
He has a plan for yours too!
Think about this, if you knew the plan, you wouldn’t have to pray every day!
John 15: 10 & 11 (Jesus’ Words) “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments, and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, and that your JOY may be made FULL.” (My capitalization!)
He is in Control!
Susan
Please pray for: Colby's healing
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Sandy's successful surgery (or I'm asking for a miraculous
healing if it is God's Will)
Miriam's upcoming surgery on her hip (Aug.14)
Nancy for a job
I think Joan was a typing error on my last
blog, but because the Lord doesn't make
mistakes, thank you for praying for her!
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