He is never late - learn to wait

It has been fifteen months yesterday since Ron had his heart attack that sent him to surgery and to months and months of hospitalization. I can't really say at this time that there has been much recovery involved in these months of watching Ron get better and then get worse. It seems that when he was most recovered a setback would take him back to ICU.

I cannot even begin to tell you of the discouragement that Ron, I and our family have felt during these times when he had a setback. I truly don't understand why Ron is still alive as he has endured infection after infection, a life threatening surgery, pneumonia, loss of blood, confusion and agitation, malnourishment, kidney failure. I probably still haven't covered all of the things that have gone wrong in the past several months.

Throughout his ordeal, I have tried to keep things "together". I have to admit that there were times I nearly lost it. I have had to face trials that I never thought would happen to us. I have not only faced trials concerning Ron, but my daughter had a breakdown during this time and I have had to put two of our pets to sleep. The struggle to "keep going" has been real and long and weary. I have found myself alone in making life and death decisions and making financial decisions.

During these months of sometimes being overwhelmed and feeling desolate, I have turned to the Lord for strength and support. He has not failed me. He has been my comfort when I felt so alone and lost. He has mapped my path so I would not get too lost and has brought me back to the straight and narrow when I wanted to run away. He is my comfort in my affliction.

I have so wanted this ordeal to end. I have always been an impatient person and waiting is not my best tribute to say the least. However, I am confident that the Lord is with us in this place where we find ourselves and He will act when He deems the time to be right. Without the grace of God, my heart would sink into despair. The Lord tells me in Romans 8:28 - All things work together for good to them that love God. Therefore, I wait upon the Lord to act on our behalf in His time. He goes before us and knows what is best for us. I wait upon the Lord!!!

St. Augustine's prayer

This is a beautiful tribute to our Lord from St. Augustine - It so defines what I have been and what I am becoming - these words and expressions of His glory are magnificent!!!

Too late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient, O Beauty so new.

Too late have I loved you! You were within me but I was outside myself,

and there I sought you!

In my weakness I ran after the beauty of the things you have made.

You were with me, and I was not with you.

The things you have made kept me from you -

the things which would have no being unless they existed in you!

You have called, you have cried, and you have pierced my deafness.

You have radiated forth, you have shined out brightly, and you have dispelled my blindness.

You have sent forth your fragrance, and I have breathed it in,

and I long for you.

I have tasted you, and I hunger and thirst for you.

You have touched me, and I ardently desire your peace. St. Augustine, 354-430

Is this a miracle?

Is this a miracle? I think so. Ron is doing well and getting stronger every day. The bowel surgery to remove "bad" bowel, gave him a 40% chance of not making it. Already in a weakened condition with congestive heart failure and "smoker's lungs", he endured this life threatening surgery and is now ready to leave the hospital and go to a nursing facility. I cannot believe what trials Ron's body has been through in the past 14 months - Only God knows why and what is being accomplished in Ron and through Ron during these events. I am still praying that Ron will come home. That is the miracle we all want for him.

The Lord tells us to "be not afraid, only believe". He doesn't tell us to do anything except have the faith of being not afraid and believing in His greatness. I am taking every day as it comes and we'll see where this journey takes us. The roller coaster ride has been one of extreme heights and lows - I am so ready to get off and see what God brings about from all of this.

Update on Ron

Ron made it through the surgery and is recovering. His vitals are good although he is experiencing alot of pain. Throughout this present ordeal, he has never become confused or disoriented. He knows exactly what is going on and although he has the tracheotomy and can't talk, he expresses what he wants to doctors, nurses and family.

I am being optimistic (cautiously) that this surgery is what Ron needed all along. The bowel blockage has sent him backwards on several occassions during the past year. Now, we have to just hope and pray that he can get through the recovery, rehabilitate and come home.

My prayers are continual and persistent regarding Ron. If he can come home and enjoy life here with me, it will be so miraculous but not beyond God's ability or will. Surely the Lord has pulled him through so many crises and Ron is still with us. Being human, the roller coaster ride we've been on has sometimes caused so much discouragement. However, I trust that the Lord's will is being done and He is in charge of Ron's earthly body and heavenly soul.

I continue to hope and put my trust in the Lord. He will come through for us!!!

One tough guy with God's grace

Ron had surgery yesterday for a bowel obstruction. It was a serious surgery and Ron came through it. As of today, he is doing well. The Lord is just not wanting to take Ron yet. I can't believe what my husband has gone through and he is still fighting. I am fighting right along with him. I have had to fight with nurses and doctors to just help keep him alive. So many times people have told me (including my daughter) to take him off of all life support and let him go. Of course, this decision was taken from me when Ron was able to speak and told his doctor he wanted full code - every action taken to keep him alive.

Ron wants to live and I feel that this is God-given. The Lord also wants Ron to live or He could have taken him 14 months ago, or 13 months ago, etc. etc. Each and every month for the last 14 months Ron has had a life-threatening setback and yet he is able to come back from the brinks of death. Two code blues - one was when his heart literally stopped beating - he made it through both of these with help of nurses and doctors. So many pneumonias and procedures done on him and he has made it through them all.

I don't know if Ron realizes what he has gone through - some of the time he was in a coma - but I know what he has gone through. It is a miracle that he is alive today. The Lord wants Ron here on earth for a little longer and that has become quite obvious to me. Jesus was with the surgeon yesterday guiding his hands. The surgeon is a Christian and he said Ron would make it through by God's grace. God's grace has guided all of us through 14 months of hell. God's grace is the strength that has seen me through all of the fears and struggles during this time.

All I can say is how can anyone get through this life without trusting the Lord. He told us that in this world there are many tribulations, but to fear not for He has overcome the world.

I am still taking life one day at a time - but each day provides me with a new revelation of God's greatness, grace, love, goodness and mercy. I remain in His care and pray that He will keep my family in His care.