From Susan --
I am sharing a part of my prayer journal with you today. I hope you will be comforted and blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I have been so blessed by Greg Laurie's Book, "Hope for Hurting Hearts". (Greg wrote this book after losing his son a couple of years ago. I highly recommend it to those who have lost a loved one.)
Almost every day, since you took Gene to be with you, I have asked you to tell him that I love him and miss him. I have believed, and talked to friends about my belief, that You allow our loved ones to see the good and happy things in our life. I had nothing to base it on, only that I felt it.
Last night I received an exciting blessing. A section in Greg's book is entitled, "Do People in Heaven Know What's Going on Down Here on Earth?" Greg believes people in Heaven know a lot more about what is happening on earth than we may realize! He supports this with the following scriptures:
1. When people believe in Jesus on earth, it becomes public knowlege in Heaven...there is joy in Heaven when a sinner repents. (Luke 15:7)
2. The tribulation martyrs (Revelation 6:9-11) understand what is happening on earth.
(He also added this side note, "they knew they had been on earth, and this demonstrates direct continuity between our identity on earth and our identity in Heaven...they are still alive and still themselves!)
3. They were aware of the passing of time.
4. There is a definite connection between the believers in Heaven and those on earth. Those in Heaven speak of their fellow servants and their brothers. As Greg points out, some Christians believe that people in Heaven have no idea what is going on back on earth, but the people in Revelations, Chapter 6, do know what is happening here on earth.
5. Greg believes people in Heaven could be watching us right now and cheering us on! (See Hebrews 12:1) He also states that one interpretation of this passage names the witnesses as people of faith who have gone before us as a model to follow. Greg says, "Another way to look at it is that these men and women aren't simply giving us a template to follow, but they are actually observing us and taking note of our progress in the faith. They are the cloud of witnesses watching us, and cheering us on, if you will." Of course, Greg, doesn't know for sure if people in Heaven are monitoring the progress of loved ones living here on earth, but he says he wouldn't be surprised.
Lord, thank You for sending this book to me from someone I don't even know. It has been such a huge blessing in so many ways.
(A side note from me: I actually had lunch once with Greg Laurie and his wife back in the 70's! He was a fairly new, successful, young pastor. He was saved and his ministry came out of the revival that occurred in Southern California in the late 60's and early 70's. I became a Christian during that revival period as well.)
Lord, it feels so good to believe that Gene, my dad, and Buddy are up there with You, watching over me, cheering me on, and are still connected to me though they have moved to a different location -- Heaven! How beautiful!
(For all of you who said a prayer for Pastor Buddy, the Lord took him to Heaven a few days ago. I am so sad, yet comforted. The last time we talked, we promised to be each others' forever prayer partners!)
Blessings to you all,
Susan
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Middle Man
From Sandy -
For once - this has nothing to do with my condition or surgery. I found out tonight at 11:30 p.m. in my e-mail that I have hurt a friend's feelings. I feel really horrible right now about the whole thing and decided to share it with all of you. I don't know if any of you have gone through this experience, but this is the second time in my life I have been confronted about being a "bad" friend.
I will share with you what happened. My friend (who is angry with me, friend #1) is upset because I invited certain friends to a luncheon and did not invite her. We are all friends from our former employer which was a bank that was closed down by the FDIC. The reason I did not invite her was that my "other" friend (friend #2) suggested getting together for lunch with some ex co-workers, but since there are bad feelings between friend #1 and friend #2, I felt that friend #1 would not want to come and friend #2 would resent my inviting her. Neither one of them like each other - and I like them both - so I am kind of in the middle. I felt that friend #1 (the one who is angry with me) would not come to a lunch where friend #2 (the friend who wanted me to get some people together for lunch) would be attending. Both of these people are not happy by the fact that I associate with the other one. Therefore, I am put in the middle. I really do love both of them as friends and I have to walk on egg shells sometimes to keep from hurting one or the other by befriending both of them. As it turns out I did hurt one of them. I don't know what God would think about this. I feel like I was wrong for not inviting friend #1. She's always been a good friend, but she told me on no uncertain terms that I really hurt her by leaving her out and not inviting her to this get together.
It is almost midnight here right now and I can't sleep because I just feel horrible about hurting my friend. I did apologize and told friend #1 that I understood exactly how she felt and I am so sorry for excluding her. Being the "people pleaser" that I am - it is hard to make everyone happy. And trust me, I try to please everyone even if it means harming myself. I guess you could say it is almost a weakness of mine. So, I just had to get this off of my chest and share it with you. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them. I cannot stand for anyone to be angry with me or dislike me - again the "people pleaser" in me. I know that life is not perfect and I have to be willing to admit that sometimes what I do hurts others. It's just not easy for me to realize that I have caused pain to someone else and yet I have. I know that the Lord forgives us, but sometimes people don't. I will definitely turn this over to the Lord.
Anyway, I am not perfect. I continually make mistakes and still sin. Thanks be to God because I know that he understands me. He knows me inside and out, yet He still loves me. I have apologized to my dear friend and will say a prayer that God will make this right. To some, this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. Friends are so valuable in a person's life. They are the treasures that keep on giving. I don't want to lose this friend just because I excluded her from a gathering of our ex co-workers. Hope this makes sense to some of you. I just had a heavy heart tonight and had to share this. I was wrong by excluding her, but I honestly did not think she would come if she were invited. I should never try to think for anyone else except myself.
For once - this has nothing to do with my condition or surgery. I found out tonight at 11:30 p.m. in my e-mail that I have hurt a friend's feelings. I feel really horrible right now about the whole thing and decided to share it with all of you. I don't know if any of you have gone through this experience, but this is the second time in my life I have been confronted about being a "bad" friend.
I will share with you what happened. My friend (who is angry with me, friend #1) is upset because I invited certain friends to a luncheon and did not invite her. We are all friends from our former employer which was a bank that was closed down by the FDIC. The reason I did not invite her was that my "other" friend (friend #2) suggested getting together for lunch with some ex co-workers, but since there are bad feelings between friend #1 and friend #2, I felt that friend #1 would not want to come and friend #2 would resent my inviting her. Neither one of them like each other - and I like them both - so I am kind of in the middle. I felt that friend #1 (the one who is angry with me) would not come to a lunch where friend #2 (the friend who wanted me to get some people together for lunch) would be attending. Both of these people are not happy by the fact that I associate with the other one. Therefore, I am put in the middle. I really do love both of them as friends and I have to walk on egg shells sometimes to keep from hurting one or the other by befriending both of them. As it turns out I did hurt one of them. I don't know what God would think about this. I feel like I was wrong for not inviting friend #1. She's always been a good friend, but she told me on no uncertain terms that I really hurt her by leaving her out and not inviting her to this get together.
It is almost midnight here right now and I can't sleep because I just feel horrible about hurting my friend. I did apologize and told friend #1 that I understood exactly how she felt and I am so sorry for excluding her. Being the "people pleaser" that I am - it is hard to make everyone happy. And trust me, I try to please everyone even if it means harming myself. I guess you could say it is almost a weakness of mine. So, I just had to get this off of my chest and share it with you. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them. I cannot stand for anyone to be angry with me or dislike me - again the "people pleaser" in me. I know that life is not perfect and I have to be willing to admit that sometimes what I do hurts others. It's just not easy for me to realize that I have caused pain to someone else and yet I have. I know that the Lord forgives us, but sometimes people don't. I will definitely turn this over to the Lord.
Anyway, I am not perfect. I continually make mistakes and still sin. Thanks be to God because I know that he understands me. He knows me inside and out, yet He still loves me. I have apologized to my dear friend and will say a prayer that God will make this right. To some, this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. Friends are so valuable in a person's life. They are the treasures that keep on giving. I don't want to lose this friend just because I excluded her from a gathering of our ex co-workers. Hope this makes sense to some of you. I just had a heavy heart tonight and had to share this. I was wrong by excluding her, but I honestly did not think she would come if she were invited. I should never try to think for anyone else except myself.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Procedure on Wednesday
From Sandy -
Well I have had the procedure done - kind of like an MRI of my abdomen. I don't know the results but it's been done. Everyone at Kaiser is so nice. It wasn't bad at all and like I said, I did not have to do any of the preparation for this procedure because I have no colon. I will wait and see what my surgeon has to say after he reads the results.
I still feel so blessed right now. Who would have thought after having my colon removed that I would feel so good. I actually feel healthier than ever. God can certainly do miracles and I know he has done that for me. My appetite is back more than ever. Everything tastes good to me. I have put on some pounds and now have to watch my weight. I lift heavy things, I work in the yard, I work out, I walk, I truly am enjoying life.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will celebrate life. The Good Lord has given me life - I feel good - I am at peace - I am happy. At this time of the year I truly give thanks and I have so very many blessings to count right now.
I give thanks for God has given us Jesus Christ - His son!!
Well I have had the procedure done - kind of like an MRI of my abdomen. I don't know the results but it's been done. Everyone at Kaiser is so nice. It wasn't bad at all and like I said, I did not have to do any of the preparation for this procedure because I have no colon. I will wait and see what my surgeon has to say after he reads the results.
I still feel so blessed right now. Who would have thought after having my colon removed that I would feel so good. I actually feel healthier than ever. God can certainly do miracles and I know he has done that for me. My appetite is back more than ever. Everything tastes good to me. I have put on some pounds and now have to watch my weight. I lift heavy things, I work in the yard, I work out, I walk, I truly am enjoying life.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will celebrate life. The Good Lord has given me life - I feel good - I am at peace - I am happy. At this time of the year I truly give thanks and I have so very many blessings to count right now.
I give thanks for God has given us Jesus Christ - His son!!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Procedure on Wednesday
From Sandy -
Two weeks ago I found out I had to go in for a procedure to assure the surgeon that the j-pouch formed out of my intestine is healing properly. When I got a call regarding my appointment for this procedure, the caller told me I would have to fast from Sunday night through Wednesday morning (since my appointment is on Wed., Nov. 17 at 1:00 p.m.) and I would also have to take laxative, suppositories and drink some awful stuff. For some reason this just didn't make any sense to me. I don't have the normal bowel system that everyone else has. My waste empties into a bag and I don't even have a rectum. Drinking only clear liquids for what turns out to be 65 hours for this procedure would be almost unbearable unless I was fasting to starve myself. I worried and fretted about all of this and constantly had it on my mind. I called the technician in Imaging at Kaiser and she told me I would have to go through all of the above preparations. I called the message center where my surgeon is located and the nurse who answered didn't know what to tell me. She told me to talk to the nurse in Imaging. I talked to the nurse in Imaging and she said I didn't have a colon so I didn't have to do any of the preparation. Next day I got a notice in the mail that included all of the above preparations for my procedure. To say the least, I was very confused. Relieved about what the Nurse in Imaging told me, but doubting what she said since I had just gotten mailed instructions to fast, take laxative, drink the awful stuff and take the two suppositories. Again, I called the nurse who took messages for my doctor and told her about my dilemma. I told her I was really confused as to what to do. I didn't want to show up for this procedure and not be prepared. Great News - the nurse got a note back from my doctor that I don't have to do any of the preparations. I am so relieved. Taking the stuff didn't bother me, but not eating for 65 hours most certainly bothered me. Just goes to show you - what you fret and worry about most of the time never happens.
I am anxious to find out how this j-pouch has healed. I feel perfectly fine at this point and cannot complain about any aches or pains. So, I feel that the j-pouch has healed properly. I can't believe how God has blessed me through all of this. I know He will continually help me and I will continually come to Him in prayer. I believe that God goes with me and will not fail me.
Two weeks ago I found out I had to go in for a procedure to assure the surgeon that the j-pouch formed out of my intestine is healing properly. When I got a call regarding my appointment for this procedure, the caller told me I would have to fast from Sunday night through Wednesday morning (since my appointment is on Wed., Nov. 17 at 1:00 p.m.) and I would also have to take laxative, suppositories and drink some awful stuff. For some reason this just didn't make any sense to me. I don't have the normal bowel system that everyone else has. My waste empties into a bag and I don't even have a rectum. Drinking only clear liquids for what turns out to be 65 hours for this procedure would be almost unbearable unless I was fasting to starve myself. I worried and fretted about all of this and constantly had it on my mind. I called the technician in Imaging at Kaiser and she told me I would have to go through all of the above preparations. I called the message center where my surgeon is located and the nurse who answered didn't know what to tell me. She told me to talk to the nurse in Imaging. I talked to the nurse in Imaging and she said I didn't have a colon so I didn't have to do any of the preparation. Next day I got a notice in the mail that included all of the above preparations for my procedure. To say the least, I was very confused. Relieved about what the Nurse in Imaging told me, but doubting what she said since I had just gotten mailed instructions to fast, take laxative, drink the awful stuff and take the two suppositories. Again, I called the nurse who took messages for my doctor and told her about my dilemma. I told her I was really confused as to what to do. I didn't want to show up for this procedure and not be prepared. Great News - the nurse got a note back from my doctor that I don't have to do any of the preparations. I am so relieved. Taking the stuff didn't bother me, but not eating for 65 hours most certainly bothered me. Just goes to show you - what you fret and worry about most of the time never happens.
I am anxious to find out how this j-pouch has healed. I feel perfectly fine at this point and cannot complain about any aches or pains. So, I feel that the j-pouch has healed properly. I can't believe how God has blessed me through all of this. I know He will continually help me and I will continually come to Him in prayer. I believe that God goes with me and will not fail me.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Finding Light in the Darkness
From Sandy -
What Susan posted touched my heart. I know that she is going through pain and loneliness right now. I have experienced similar pain and loneliness, brought on by something totally different.
No one walks through this life without pain and suffering. We all experience things in our lives that have brought on misery and darkness. Sometimes life is filled with trepidation, worry, fear, stress. At these times it feels like we are groping in the dark for some kind of guidance and light to get us through these dark places.
I was groping through some of my darkest times this Spring when I was told about the condition of my colon. Again, with the reminder of another surgery, I am finding some dark times. The one way to overcome this unbearable darkness is to seek out the light. The light is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Sometimes the brightest victories hide in dark places. We can either become bitter and broken during these times, or we believe and become better people by accepthing these trials with trust in our Lord.
I choose to seek the light in the darkness. Jesus is the light of the world. I know I can come to him and lay before him all of my needs. He already knows the depth of my darkness, but he loves to hear his children ask for help. Although we come face to face with our inadequacies, it's our inadequacies that bring us face to face with the sufficiency of God. God is sufficient to see us through any trial. Once I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, I know all things work together for good.
What Susan posted touched my heart. I know that she is going through pain and loneliness right now. I have experienced similar pain and loneliness, brought on by something totally different.
No one walks through this life without pain and suffering. We all experience things in our lives that have brought on misery and darkness. Sometimes life is filled with trepidation, worry, fear, stress. At these times it feels like we are groping in the dark for some kind of guidance and light to get us through these dark places.
I was groping through some of my darkest times this Spring when I was told about the condition of my colon. Again, with the reminder of another surgery, I am finding some dark times. The one way to overcome this unbearable darkness is to seek out the light. The light is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Sometimes the brightest victories hide in dark places. We can either become bitter and broken during these times, or we believe and become better people by accepthing these trials with trust in our Lord.
I choose to seek the light in the darkness. Jesus is the light of the world. I know I can come to him and lay before him all of my needs. He already knows the depth of my darkness, but he loves to hear his children ask for help. Although we come face to face with our inadequacies, it's our inadequacies that bring us face to face with the sufficiency of God. God is sufficient to see us through any trial. Once I keep my eyes focused on Jesus, I know all things work together for good.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Loss and Gifts
From Susan--
Dear friends,
I have so much on my heart to share with you. I want to try and share my prayer journal with you for now, as time permits. Hopefully, later, I will be in a place where I can take time to share other things from my heart. I hope someone will be blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I know I haven't been in the Word or concentrating on You as I should. I know You understand. My mind has not healed, and I am being torn from so many sides. There is so much. All intermingled with grief, finances, and dealing with the attorney. I feel like so many things are being taken away that I loved and that was my life.
I do believe You have shown me that I need to sell the house. I have so many wonderful memories there. I fell in love with it the day we first drove up to it. I didn't think we were going to get it, but You worked it out.
The minute we walked into it, even vacant, it felt like home. It has been a blessing to live there. We have wonderful neighbors, and a view of your magnificent creation to wake up to every morning. It was a wonderful place for Gene and me. It is hard to let it all go, especially so soon after losing Gene.
Yet, when I'm there at night, it is just so lonely. The kids and grandkids aren't close by, and of course, the neighbors can't console me every night, though James and Marla are trying. When I look at those realities, I realize, it is the right decision.
Please guide me every step of the way, let me not turn from Your path.
In an article by Joan Ball that I read today after writing my prayer journal, Joan had this to say: "These experiences (for her) were exercises in letting go and recognizing that everything we owned was a gift rather than a right."
I am always so amazed at how the Lord meets me right where I am.
Thank and Praise You Dear Lord! Amen
Dear friends,
I have so much on my heart to share with you. I want to try and share my prayer journal with you for now, as time permits. Hopefully, later, I will be in a place where I can take time to share other things from my heart. I hope someone will be blessed.
Dear Jesus,
I know I haven't been in the Word or concentrating on You as I should. I know You understand. My mind has not healed, and I am being torn from so many sides. There is so much. All intermingled with grief, finances, and dealing with the attorney. I feel like so many things are being taken away that I loved and that was my life.
I do believe You have shown me that I need to sell the house. I have so many wonderful memories there. I fell in love with it the day we first drove up to it. I didn't think we were going to get it, but You worked it out.
The minute we walked into it, even vacant, it felt like home. It has been a blessing to live there. We have wonderful neighbors, and a view of your magnificent creation to wake up to every morning. It was a wonderful place for Gene and me. It is hard to let it all go, especially so soon after losing Gene.
Yet, when I'm there at night, it is just so lonely. The kids and grandkids aren't close by, and of course, the neighbors can't console me every night, though James and Marla are trying. When I look at those realities, I realize, it is the right decision.
Please guide me every step of the way, let me not turn from Your path.
In an article by Joan Ball that I read today after writing my prayer journal, Joan had this to say: "These experiences (for her) were exercises in letting go and recognizing that everything we owned was a gift rather than a right."
I am always so amazed at how the Lord meets me right where I am.
Thank and Praise You Dear Lord! Amen
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Surgery Update
From Sandy -
I saw my surgeon on Monday and he and I both agreed that it would be best to wait for my second surgery until after the holidays. That way I won't be "home bound" after the surgery. I am happy that he agreed with me. The second surgery will be attaching the j-pouch to my intestine. My body will need time to get used to working this way as the intestine was using the bag instead of the j-pouch. I have to admit I am not looking forward to this, but know that the results will be "no more bag". I will be heading to the bathroom up to 20 times a day after my second surgery. So I will be "home bound" until my body develops the strength and muscle to control things. Having never experienced anything like this, I find myself fearing the unknown. But just as I faced the unknown with the first surgery - I will face this unknown as well. It will be such a relief to be rid of the ostomy bag. I am so grateful that I am able to have this procedure done.
The doctor needs to do a procedure on November 17 to check and make sure that the j-pouch is healing and has no holes in it. To do this, I will be fasting for 48 hours. I don't know how I can stand not eating for 48 hours, but I have to do it. I can tell you - this is a great way to lose weight. The problem is that I get kind of weak if I don't eat for 6 hours, so I will have to drink lots of clear liquids - such as chicken broth and juices to give me the fortitude I need to get through this.
Again, this new challenge brings me on my knees to the Lord. What would I do if I didn't believe? I can't imagine not believing in a higher power. I can't imagine not believing in God. I can't imagine not believing that Jesus is our Savior and he paid the price for our sinful ways. There are times that I do have doubts - but they don't last very long. I sometimes wonder why He would love me as He does. I absolutely know that God is with us every second of every day. He has preserved my life and always I will trust him. In spite of trials, he makes my heart glad and I always always have hope in him. I know he will see me through this second surgery and he will give me the hope, strength and courage to get through the trials that I will face after the surgery. He will knit me back together as he knit me in my mother's womb. He will bless me and guide me through the healing process. Nothing is too hard for the Lord!!
I saw my surgeon on Monday and he and I both agreed that it would be best to wait for my second surgery until after the holidays. That way I won't be "home bound" after the surgery. I am happy that he agreed with me. The second surgery will be attaching the j-pouch to my intestine. My body will need time to get used to working this way as the intestine was using the bag instead of the j-pouch. I have to admit I am not looking forward to this, but know that the results will be "no more bag". I will be heading to the bathroom up to 20 times a day after my second surgery. So I will be "home bound" until my body develops the strength and muscle to control things. Having never experienced anything like this, I find myself fearing the unknown. But just as I faced the unknown with the first surgery - I will face this unknown as well. It will be such a relief to be rid of the ostomy bag. I am so grateful that I am able to have this procedure done.
The doctor needs to do a procedure on November 17 to check and make sure that the j-pouch is healing and has no holes in it. To do this, I will be fasting for 48 hours. I don't know how I can stand not eating for 48 hours, but I have to do it. I can tell you - this is a great way to lose weight. The problem is that I get kind of weak if I don't eat for 6 hours, so I will have to drink lots of clear liquids - such as chicken broth and juices to give me the fortitude I need to get through this.
Again, this new challenge brings me on my knees to the Lord. What would I do if I didn't believe? I can't imagine not believing in a higher power. I can't imagine not believing in God. I can't imagine not believing that Jesus is our Savior and he paid the price for our sinful ways. There are times that I do have doubts - but they don't last very long. I sometimes wonder why He would love me as He does. I absolutely know that God is with us every second of every day. He has preserved my life and always I will trust him. In spite of trials, he makes my heart glad and I always always have hope in him. I know he will see me through this second surgery and he will give me the hope, strength and courage to get through the trials that I will face after the surgery. He will knit me back together as he knit me in my mother's womb. He will bless me and guide me through the healing process. Nothing is too hard for the Lord!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)