Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Amazing Grace

From Sandy -
Ron is continuing to get better. He can walk a little bit with a walker and he is getting stronger. No more setbacks as of this date. Praise the Lord for that. Sometimes I think the Lord wants us to ask detailed prayers when we find ourselves in distress. He seemed to direct me to ask Him for no more setbacks in Ron's recovery. Funny that as many setbacks as Ron went through, I didn't ask the Lord for this specific thing. I would ask for strength in Ron's body and healing and blessing - all of which I know the Lord heard and answered. But as I got more specific in my prayers, I could center on one thing at a time to ask the Lord to take care of. I believe that as I did this, it increased my faith in this one area and it was easier for me to trust the Lord with a specific prayer, rather than an all encompassing prayer for Ron's recovery. As I asked for the setbacks to go away, I knew in my heart that the Lord heard and answered. I don't know how to explain it, but I just knew without a doubt. Faith is believing that God "WILL", not that God "CAN".
Guess what I am trying to say here is that the Lord can act on specific things. We can ask for small things or big things and the Lord hears all of our prayers. Sometimes He directs us in just what to pray for. This is certainly not for His benefit, but it is for our benefit. This is how faith grows in us. To see the things we have asked for become real - this is the seed that is planted with our prayers and grows to fruition in the Lord's power and grace. Faith grows from a tiny mustard seed as pointed out in the Bible.
I cannot tell you how many times doubts and fears have come into my mind during Ron's illness. Each setback was a setback for me as well. My faith ebbed and flowed with how Ron was doing. However, I always knew in the back of my mind that the Lord had something planned for Ron. He has brought Ron through so many trials - infections, pneumonia, loss of blood, malnutrition. God would not bring him through so much distress and not have something planned for Ron's life. Right now I don't know what that is, but the Lord will reveal it in His time. I hope and pray for Ron's salvation. The Lord knows that Ron is a hard "nut to crack" and it takes what it takes to get someone's attention.
I am truly grateful for the recovery that Ron is now making. It continues to be a miracle - a miracle of God's making. So many times Ron was at death's door and now he is improving day by day. How amazing is our God - what love He has for all of us. It doesn't matter where we are in life or what we are doing, the Lord loves us all unconditionally. I have come to know that very personally in my own life. In younger years, I was forgiven much because I had sinned "much". I felt the Lord's love so much when I broke down in tears and begged the Lord to forgive me. It's called "Amazing Grace" that saved a wretch like me.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

In a lonely place

From Sandy -
Today I feel like I am truly in a lonely place. I have been in our home alone for eight months now.
Seeing her Dad suffer and be unhappy is affecting my daughter and she claims she is having a breakdown. She has been given time off of work to be able to relax and take care of herself. I'm afraid too that I have relied too much on her. I think I am taking care of everything, but Lisa has been there for me and now I feel as if I need to give her a break. And, I'm not exactly sure how to do this. She wants to know what's going on and I tell her. I feel badly that her Dad's illness has effected her in such a harmful way. She also went through my surgery and recovery - so, it's been tough on her in ways I may not even know of.
Therefore, I don't want to make things worse for her and feel that I should back off. It's times like these that I wish my Mother were still alive. I just want to run to her and feel her arms around me as I pour out my heart to her. She was always there for me and I miss her so - especially now when the burdens of life are getting me down. She could always make me feel better no matter what.
I know that I always have the Lord. He is my constant source of peace and love. It's just hard at times to do all of this by myself. The Lord has put me in this lonely place to make me strong. I feel this and know it to be true. I could not grow if I always had someone else take care of all the problems. I have grown alot and have done things that I would have never thought I could do or get through. Sometimes I feel there is no one I can turn to. At these times I turn to the Lord. He has not forgotten me or left me in this place to face my problems alone.
I will remember to "commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass". He said it and I believe it.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Lord saved them out of their distresses

From Sandy -
Isn't it amazing how one day you can be totally down and yet another day you can feel great. This has happened to me. I have been weary over bills and invoices and paper work. I have been weary over Ron's illness and weakness and depression as well as my own.
Today is Sunday. I went to church with my little granddaughter. Had lunch with my daughter and granddaughter and went to the rehab. center to see Ron. Ron is getting stronger. Yesterday I had some friends come over who helped me put my piano on Craig's list. Today I sold my piano and some of my financial worries went away. Certainly not all of them, but enough to put me on a high right now.
Isn't it amazing how the Lord works in our lives. I have tried so hard lately to commit everything I do to the Lord and to trust Him completely. I know that the Lord has been feeling my love and commitment for Him and He is delivering me out of my distresses. Ron is getting stronger and wants to exercise every day. Tonight as I write this, I am realizing how I have been delivered out of so many distresses. I have received money from "out of the blue" just when I thought I did not have another penny to spare. I have seen Ron recover in the midst of infection and impossible setbacks. I have felt the love of friends and family. I have experienced God's love through miracles large and small. Ron being off the ventilator is still one of the biggest blessings. My wonderful attorney who saw me through a financial crisis is another. Just knowing that God has the time and the love for me is not only a blessing - it is a miracle!!
I will continue trusting the Lord. I will continue to wait upon Him for the help that I need. He is always there "just in time". He does deliver us out of all our distresses when we wait upon Him and trust in Him. Sometimes the trust is small, but that is all the Lord needs to act upon. When He knows that we are trusting Him as a child trusts his father - that's the time He comes into our lives and delivers us. He made us - He loves us - He hears our prayers - He answers!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Feeling down

From Sandy -
It is Wednesday morning and to be honest, I am feeling depressed. I somehow feel as if I am carrying a ton on my back. This is my fault - I have allowed myself to get to this place. I remain close to the Lord but I am weary. I see Ron every day and he is so far in depression himself, that he is not happy to see me. He doesn't want to hear my words of encouragement and when I ask him if he is moving his arms or legs for exercise, he gets very upset with me.

Also, I worry about our bills. So many expenses I did not count on. $800 for a pool filter was one of them. We don't use our pool, but what can we do - it would cost a great deal to have it removed and filled in, so I have to keep it clean. Extra expenses for tree trimming - I had to have this done because we have date palms that cover the horse trail and it could be dangerous to anyone having to avoid the leaves as they go down the trail.

I am a "sorry" person right now. However, I know what I can do to lift myself up. I can go to the Lord in prayer and recognize all the many blessings He has provided over the past 18 months. I can thank Him for always being with me. He is my strength and my fortress - as long as I trust the Lord and commit my way unto Him - there will be deliverance from all of these trials.

I have to spend more time with the Lord. He is the only one that can help me right now. I have been so involved in worrying and fretting, that I haven't spent enough time with God. My goal is to do just that - take time out and spend it praising God for what I do have. Commiting unto Him my fears and anxiety. I know this too shall pass.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Value of consistent prayer

The value of consistent prayer is not that God will hear us, but that we will hear God.
Wow - that's a very profound statement. It is true, when we really pray for something and are consistent about it, we hear God. He is there in the midst of our prayers and He is in our hearts and minds and souls as we seek Him, as we make requests of Him.
I can honestly say for myself that prayer brings me closer to God. All my thoughts and energy are poured into my prayers - that's the time I hear the Lord speaking to me. That's the time (when I honestly drive out all other thoughts and center only on my praying to God) that I feel His mighty presence in my life and I know that he hears me. Thats the time when a quiet whisper assures me that things will be allright. That's the time that serenity and peace flow through my body to quiet the fears and stresses of my life. That's the time that I feel an overwhelming love of mercy and grace come down upon me.
Prayer has to be the most important part of my day. Not to say that I am consistent in this - sometimes I allow the world to interfere and put prayer aside until I am in such a mess I have to stop and make time for prayer.
Never have I prayed like I have this past year. These prayers have brought me so close to the Lord. I feel His presence when I bow my head. I feel His presence when I lift my arms to heaven, praising Him for the blessings I have received. Prayer is my lifeline to God. Prayer is my salvation. Prayer is my communication to God. Prayer brings me hope for a brighter tomorrow. Prayer is peace and love and goodness and mercy. Prayer is beautiful and powerful. I am so glad that the Lord takes the time to stop and listen to my prayers.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Commit your way onto the Lord

From Sandy -
Psalm 37:5 Commit your way onto the Lord and He shall bring it to pass.
I came upon the above verse this morning. It is the word of God spoken to me this morning. I am often way too much of this world and too little of Almighty God's. I know I am His, but so many times like a spoiled little brat I want things to go my way. I grab things back that I have turned over to the Lord thinking that He is taking way too long. Once I grab things back, I make a mess of everything and have to once again turn my way over to the Lord. This has happened so many times during Ron's illness. I have tried to force things to change and I find that I am powerless over these exact things that I so confidently thought I could fix. I get frustrated and try again - only to mess up even worse than before. I have noticed that when I am at my wit's end and I have tried everything - that's the time I surrender and that's the time that the Lord can bring "it" to pass.
With all the infections and setbacks Ron has had - I have experienced this surrender more than once. I have always thought that I can "fix it" - but I can't fix Ron. I can't talk him into doing things the way I would do them. To try to force change causes not only frustration, it causes pain, loss, heartache, failure. I have tried to "force" the Lord into making Ron better. Over and Over again on a daily basis I ask for the Lord to heal Ron in certain ways. I want Ron to be able to swallow safely and eat food again, I want Ron to be able to get up and walk, I want Ron to be able to walk to the bathroom and use his arms and hands to bathe himself. I want Ron to be able to come home and enjoy his dogs and cats and "life". None of these are wrong to ask of the Lord. But once I have placed these requests in God's hands, I need to rest with the assurance that it will be done - not in my time, but in the Lord's. Not in my way, but in the Lord's.
I commit my way unto the Lord and He shall bring it to pass. All I have to do is commit my way, my prayers, my life, my faith, my love. He is the one that will bring it to pass. I guess what this means to me is that I seek the direction that the Lord wants me to go - seek the way the Lord wants me to live - seek the Lord with everything I do - Trust in Him that once I ask - He shall bring it to pass.