Dear friends,
I'm at a loss for words. I have felt bad, because I haven't been been writing to you. I want to thank you for all of your kind words and prayers along the way. I am getting through the day with God's help. I know He is hearing your prayers.
Thank you!
May the Lord bless each of you!
Susan
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
My appointment
From Sandy -
I did see the surgeon today. Everything looks good and is healing. However, he wants me to gain weight before my second surgery. I am trying to eat everything in sight, but I can't gain any weight. At least I haven't lost anymore weight. I am drinking Ensure and will drink even more of it. I drank down a large milkshake yesterday. Tonight I ate until I was so full I almost got sick. I guess the trick is to eat frequently and eat foods high in fat. Wow - never did I think I would have to eat to gain weight. I was called "fatso" in grade school.
Anyway - I am progressing and I see the surgeon in four weeks to schedule my second surgery. I have been so blessed throughout this ordeal. Complications I have had have been minor and I now have a bag that fits to my body and does not come off and leak all over me. I have back aches and I get light headed - but I am getting stronger every day. Agan, I thank the Lord for bringing me through this. The surgeon reminded me when I told him about my weight that I have gone through a very very serious surgery. It's been one month since the surgery and I can't believe how I have progressed. I cannot praise the Lord enough for the strength He has given me to get through this. He is my rock - He is my hope and strength - He is the love of my life!!
I did see the surgeon today. Everything looks good and is healing. However, he wants me to gain weight before my second surgery. I am trying to eat everything in sight, but I can't gain any weight. At least I haven't lost anymore weight. I am drinking Ensure and will drink even more of it. I drank down a large milkshake yesterday. Tonight I ate until I was so full I almost got sick. I guess the trick is to eat frequently and eat foods high in fat. Wow - never did I think I would have to eat to gain weight. I was called "fatso" in grade school.
Anyway - I am progressing and I see the surgeon in four weeks to schedule my second surgery. I have been so blessed throughout this ordeal. Complications I have had have been minor and I now have a bag that fits to my body and does not come off and leak all over me. I have back aches and I get light headed - but I am getting stronger every day. Agan, I thank the Lord for bringing me through this. The surgeon reminded me when I told him about my weight that I have gone through a very very serious surgery. It's been one month since the surgery and I can't believe how I have progressed. I cannot praise the Lord enough for the strength He has given me to get through this. He is my rock - He is my hope and strength - He is the love of my life!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Seeing the surgeon
From Sandy -
Tomorrow, Sept. 28 I have an appointment to see the surgeon. I am anxious to see what he has to say because I still have a second surgery facing me and I will be having my j-pouch connected so I can be "normal" again. I won't mind saying goodbye to this bag - that's for sure. I just hope and pray that everything works out during the second surgery and that it will be successful.
It has been a long and weary road to this point but I know I am feeling so much better in three different ways.
Number 1 is spiritually. God and I have drawn much much closer during this time and I know that no matter what I go through He is always with me. I can call upon Him at any time and He answers. I have felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me when I was so desperate and so frightened. I have touched the hem of His robe and felt His healing power go out to me. I am never alone.
Number 2 is mentally. I have read how depression takes over anyone in my circumstance. I have had a little depression but nothing like others I have read about on the internet. I was mentally ready for the first surgery and am preparing myself to be mentally ready for the second one. I thank the Lord I have not had alot of depression. My mental picture of myself is the same as before the surgery - even with a bag!!!
Number 3 is physically. I am feeling stronger day by day. I am able to do some things in my home and vacuumed my whole house. Admittedly I probably should not have done the "whole" house, but I did and although I was exhausted I felt good about it. I am walking the dogs in the evening and enjoying much of the life I had before the surgery. I thank the Good Lord for gifting me with a body that is "on the mend" and getting better all the time. Just as God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He is knitting me back together after the surgery.
I will share with you what the surgeon tells me after my appointment tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Sept. 28 I have an appointment to see the surgeon. I am anxious to see what he has to say because I still have a second surgery facing me and I will be having my j-pouch connected so I can be "normal" again. I won't mind saying goodbye to this bag - that's for sure. I just hope and pray that everything works out during the second surgery and that it will be successful.
It has been a long and weary road to this point but I know I am feeling so much better in three different ways.
Number 1 is spiritually. God and I have drawn much much closer during this time and I know that no matter what I go through He is always with me. I can call upon Him at any time and He answers. I have felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me when I was so desperate and so frightened. I have touched the hem of His robe and felt His healing power go out to me. I am never alone.
Number 2 is mentally. I have read how depression takes over anyone in my circumstance. I have had a little depression but nothing like others I have read about on the internet. I was mentally ready for the first surgery and am preparing myself to be mentally ready for the second one. I thank the Lord I have not had alot of depression. My mental picture of myself is the same as before the surgery - even with a bag!!!
Number 3 is physically. I am feeling stronger day by day. I am able to do some things in my home and vacuumed my whole house. Admittedly I probably should not have done the "whole" house, but I did and although I was exhausted I felt good about it. I am walking the dogs in the evening and enjoying much of the life I had before the surgery. I thank the Good Lord for gifting me with a body that is "on the mend" and getting better all the time. Just as God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He is knitting me back together after the surgery.
I will share with you what the surgeon tells me after my appointment tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Update on post surgery
From Sandy -
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am finally beginning to feel better. I feel stronger and my appetite is definitely coming back. I have been so fortunate in my life to have always been so healthy. The only illness I would get every year is bronchitis. Other than that - no sick days. So, it's been really really hard for me to lay around and rest. Even in sickness I am able to get myself going. But, this has been different. I have felt so weak and tired that there's no way I could do anything. It means so much to me that I am feeling better. I've tried not to pity myself and just sit down and cry over the whole situation. I have only cried once - that was when every bag I put on leaked through my clothes and all over me. This happened several times and I must admit I was about ready to give up completely. However, thanks to a wonderful ostomy nurse at Kaiser, we have found a different bag that fits better and so far it is working pretty good. I feel more comfortable going out of the house and have gone to the store and even attended church on Sunday.
Thank God I was in good health before this surgery because it has taken alot out of me. I can't wait to get my life back and be able to get out and do things with no worries about bags. I know that this is in the future for me and I cannot wait. I do know that God has a way of getting our attention. Before this happened to me, I didn't make much time for the Lord. I said my prayers every day and then went on my merry way busying myself with my home, our animals, friends, the yard, etc. etc. Since I have not been able to do all these things, I have spent time with God and He has not let me down. I know He is seeing me through every second of this and He will in His own perfect way knit my broken body back together. I can feel the reconstruction going on right now. I thank the Lord that He has been with me through this. It has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with and without the Lord, I would frankly not be very well off. I know He is the Great Physician and He is healing me.
Sometimes I have to admit, I wonder why I ever had this surgery done. I could have taken my chances and gotten a colonoscopy every two years. I could have never developed cancer, or on the other hand I could have developed cancer throughout my colon which could have spread to other parts of my body. I just didn't want to gamble with my life. I am positive I needed to get this done and I know that I am progressing in my recovery. I am so greatful that I never had to face one minute of this alone. Jesus was with me as they wheeled me into the operating room. He guided the surgeons hands and brought me back safe and sound.
I still have to go through the second surgery and I'm not sure when that will happen. I see the surgeon next Tuesday and hope he can give me a date. I also have to have him check my abdomen. My belly button is oozing a watery yellow liquid and the nurse seems to think it's from stitches inside my abdomen. It hurts sometimes and is a concern, so I hope to get it resolved with the doctor's visit.
Throughout this ordeal, I remain covered by the arms of Jesus and know He will see me through this successfully.
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am finally beginning to feel better. I feel stronger and my appetite is definitely coming back. I have been so fortunate in my life to have always been so healthy. The only illness I would get every year is bronchitis. Other than that - no sick days. So, it's been really really hard for me to lay around and rest. Even in sickness I am able to get myself going. But, this has been different. I have felt so weak and tired that there's no way I could do anything. It means so much to me that I am feeling better. I've tried not to pity myself and just sit down and cry over the whole situation. I have only cried once - that was when every bag I put on leaked through my clothes and all over me. This happened several times and I must admit I was about ready to give up completely. However, thanks to a wonderful ostomy nurse at Kaiser, we have found a different bag that fits better and so far it is working pretty good. I feel more comfortable going out of the house and have gone to the store and even attended church on Sunday.
Thank God I was in good health before this surgery because it has taken alot out of me. I can't wait to get my life back and be able to get out and do things with no worries about bags. I know that this is in the future for me and I cannot wait. I do know that God has a way of getting our attention. Before this happened to me, I didn't make much time for the Lord. I said my prayers every day and then went on my merry way busying myself with my home, our animals, friends, the yard, etc. etc. Since I have not been able to do all these things, I have spent time with God and He has not let me down. I know He is seeing me through every second of this and He will in His own perfect way knit my broken body back together. I can feel the reconstruction going on right now. I thank the Lord that He has been with me through this. It has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with and without the Lord, I would frankly not be very well off. I know He is the Great Physician and He is healing me.
Sometimes I have to admit, I wonder why I ever had this surgery done. I could have taken my chances and gotten a colonoscopy every two years. I could have never developed cancer, or on the other hand I could have developed cancer throughout my colon which could have spread to other parts of my body. I just didn't want to gamble with my life. I am positive I needed to get this done and I know that I am progressing in my recovery. I am so greatful that I never had to face one minute of this alone. Jesus was with me as they wheeled me into the operating room. He guided the surgeons hands and brought me back safe and sound.
I still have to go through the second surgery and I'm not sure when that will happen. I see the surgeon next Tuesday and hope he can give me a date. I also have to have him check my abdomen. My belly button is oozing a watery yellow liquid and the nurse seems to think it's from stitches inside my abdomen. It hurts sometimes and is a concern, so I hope to get it resolved with the doctor's visit.
Throughout this ordeal, I remain covered by the arms of Jesus and know He will see me through this successfully.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
One day at a time
From Sandy-
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have heard from Susan. She is coping and still making arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to send prayers her way.
I will try to post here at least twice a week until Susan can make it back. Right now she is trying to arrange the funeral and take care of other things.
I am coping with this bag - but I must admit there are times when I get nauseous just looking at it. I know it is temporary and there are people who live with a colostomy bag on a daily basis. Right now I am taking everything one day at a time. I face another surgery but have lost lots of weight. I can't have the surgery to connect the j-pouch until I gain some weight. I went to my favorite restaurant today - PF Changs. I ate like a pig and hopefully will gain back some of the pounds I have lost. I drink Ensure and am starting to drink lots of milk (which I never drink). The more I eat the stronger I feel. I ate Lo Mein noodles at PF Changs and they are supposed to be high in calories. They tasted so good although I had to avoid the celery and mushrooms - both of which I also love but could clog the stoma. My appetite is totally out of whack. Anything that I have in the house does not taste good. However, when I eat out - I can pack it away. I did feel better after pigging out at PF Changs.
I can't believe that I have a problem of weighing too little. I have always had a wonderful appetite and all kinds of food has tasted good to me. My weight fluctuates and I have "never" been too thin before - believe me. It's so wierd for the nurse to tell me I have to eat food high in fat. Yesterday I ate a hamburger and cheese potato soup. I am trying hard to get some of this weight back. It's not as fun as you would think. I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I am not hungry.
I find that I have to take this whole process just one day at a time. My life has changed pretty drastically and there's only so much you can handle in one day. The Lord is helping me fight off depression. It's easy to get depressed when you can't go anywhere and do the things you are used to doing. It's only been three weeks and already I am going nuts. I am not one to lie around and watch tv or even read. I am a person who likes to be active and get alot of things done. Now I have to sit and watch the lady that cleans my house do the things I have always been so capable of doing until now. God is teaching me patience through all of this. I have always been short on patience with anyone else and now I have to be patient with myself. Again, I only have to do this one day at a time. I know that the Lord is healing me one day at a time.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have heard from Susan. She is coping and still making arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to send prayers her way.
I will try to post here at least twice a week until Susan can make it back. Right now she is trying to arrange the funeral and take care of other things.
I am coping with this bag - but I must admit there are times when I get nauseous just looking at it. I know it is temporary and there are people who live with a colostomy bag on a daily basis. Right now I am taking everything one day at a time. I face another surgery but have lost lots of weight. I can't have the surgery to connect the j-pouch until I gain some weight. I went to my favorite restaurant today - PF Changs. I ate like a pig and hopefully will gain back some of the pounds I have lost. I drink Ensure and am starting to drink lots of milk (which I never drink). The more I eat the stronger I feel. I ate Lo Mein noodles at PF Changs and they are supposed to be high in calories. They tasted so good although I had to avoid the celery and mushrooms - both of which I also love but could clog the stoma. My appetite is totally out of whack. Anything that I have in the house does not taste good. However, when I eat out - I can pack it away. I did feel better after pigging out at PF Changs.
I can't believe that I have a problem of weighing too little. I have always had a wonderful appetite and all kinds of food has tasted good to me. My weight fluctuates and I have "never" been too thin before - believe me. It's so wierd for the nurse to tell me I have to eat food high in fat. Yesterday I ate a hamburger and cheese potato soup. I am trying hard to get some of this weight back. It's not as fun as you would think. I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I am not hungry.
I find that I have to take this whole process just one day at a time. My life has changed pretty drastically and there's only so much you can handle in one day. The Lord is helping me fight off depression. It's easy to get depressed when you can't go anywhere and do the things you are used to doing. It's only been three weeks and already I am going nuts. I am not one to lie around and watch tv or even read. I am a person who likes to be active and get alot of things done. Now I have to sit and watch the lady that cleans my house do the things I have always been so capable of doing until now. God is teaching me patience through all of this. I have always been short on patience with anyone else and now I have to be patient with myself. Again, I only have to do this one day at a time. I know that the Lord is healing me one day at a time.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Gene
From Sandy -
Hello everyone - I have some sad news to report today. Gene passed away this morning. Susan was able to hold him in her arms during his last moments. It breaks my heart to have to give you this news but I know that it has been a nightmare for Susan and now she can get on with her own life. Please pray extra hard for Susan right now. Hopefully the worst is over but I know that grieving will be part of her life for a while. That's all I have to say today. Please remember Gene and send your prayers for Susan!!
Hello everyone - I have some sad news to report today. Gene passed away this morning. Susan was able to hold him in her arms during his last moments. It breaks my heart to have to give you this news but I know that it has been a nightmare for Susan and now she can get on with her own life. Please pray extra hard for Susan right now. Hopefully the worst is over but I know that grieving will be part of her life for a while. That's all I have to say today. Please remember Gene and send your prayers for Susan!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Just have to share
From Sandy -
Today I had an appointment with the ostomy nurse. She was going to assist me with putting a bag on me that would stay. My husband and I traveled 1 mile and my bag started leaking. We had to turn around and go back home. Once there, it took me one hour to get another back on - after already going through two. I was sitting in my bathroom crying and actually cried out for the Lord to help me. I was desperate and had to get to the hospital to see the nurse. Fortunately I was able to call and let them know I would be late. They accommodated me once I got there and I am hoping and praying that a new bag the nurse put on me will work. So far so good, but I'm afraid to say that. The bag is shaped better to my body and seems to be holding its own. I actually got down on my hands and knees and placed my body and the bag onto God.
I have been fighting despair over this whole thing but I know I am not alone. I know the Lord is with me and He will make it better. I asked the ostomy nurse if others in my situation ever felt so desperate and she told me "They always ask me when they will get their lives back. And, they tell me that their life ended after the surgery". I guess misery loves company because it did help to hear others were in the same desperate situation I was in. I know I have to be patient and will remember that "delay is not denial".
Self pity takes over sometimes and I just want to lie down and cry my eyes out. Thank God these moments don't last too long and I am able to put "me" aside and stop thinking about the "poor me". I know this will get better and I know that the Lord is with me. Good thing I didn't know all I would have to go through before I had the surgery. I think I would have definitely thought twice about it.
Well, good night to all - have a blessed tomorrow.
Today I had an appointment with the ostomy nurse. She was going to assist me with putting a bag on me that would stay. My husband and I traveled 1 mile and my bag started leaking. We had to turn around and go back home. Once there, it took me one hour to get another back on - after already going through two. I was sitting in my bathroom crying and actually cried out for the Lord to help me. I was desperate and had to get to the hospital to see the nurse. Fortunately I was able to call and let them know I would be late. They accommodated me once I got there and I am hoping and praying that a new bag the nurse put on me will work. So far so good, but I'm afraid to say that. The bag is shaped better to my body and seems to be holding its own. I actually got down on my hands and knees and placed my body and the bag onto God.
I have been fighting despair over this whole thing but I know I am not alone. I know the Lord is with me and He will make it better. I asked the ostomy nurse if others in my situation ever felt so desperate and she told me "They always ask me when they will get their lives back. And, they tell me that their life ended after the surgery". I guess misery loves company because it did help to hear others were in the same desperate situation I was in. I know I have to be patient and will remember that "delay is not denial".
Self pity takes over sometimes and I just want to lie down and cry my eyes out. Thank God these moments don't last too long and I am able to put "me" aside and stop thinking about the "poor me". I know this will get better and I know that the Lord is with me. Good thing I didn't know all I would have to go through before I had the surgery. I think I would have definitely thought twice about it.
Well, good night to all - have a blessed tomorrow.
Trials and struggles
From Sandy-
Just wanted to let everyone know I have not heard anything further about Susan and Gene. Please pray for them - I can't imagine the struggle that both of them are going through. Susan is a Christian, so I know that the Lord is with her and seeing her through whatever may happen.
I don't have much to say today about myself. Mainly I want to keep this blog active for Susan.
Every day is a struggle for me, and although I don't have much help - the Lord is my helper. He sustains me and encourages me and gives me the strength to meet every trial. I find it so hard not to really be able to leave the house because of my "leaky" bag. I know that this too shall pass, but I'm ready for it to pass like right now. I'm not used to being home bound, but sometimes the Lord puts us in places to teach us. I'm learning patience which I was always short of. I have to be patient with myself as I take care of myself - by hurrying and being impatient, it only makes matters worse.
Both my husband and daughter have terrible colds and they are my "caretakers". They have not felt well enough to take care of themselves, let alone me. You talk about a perfect storm - I feel sometimes that I am in the midst of it. I am getting a scratchy throat, so I hope and pray I don't come down with what they have. If I have to cough or sneeze, it will kill my abdomen.
Sometimes I start panicking about catching cold, or the surgery to fail, or whatever fears I can conjure up. Tonight was one of those experiences. The way I took care of it was to stop everything and ask the Lord for help. Amazing how that helps. I immediately started calming down.
That's all for now. When I hear anything from Susan and will post it here unless she finds the time to do it herself. For those interested I will keep you updated on my progress.
Just wanted to let everyone know I have not heard anything further about Susan and Gene. Please pray for them - I can't imagine the struggle that both of them are going through. Susan is a Christian, so I know that the Lord is with her and seeing her through whatever may happen.
I don't have much to say today about myself. Mainly I want to keep this blog active for Susan.
Every day is a struggle for me, and although I don't have much help - the Lord is my helper. He sustains me and encourages me and gives me the strength to meet every trial. I find it so hard not to really be able to leave the house because of my "leaky" bag. I know that this too shall pass, but I'm ready for it to pass like right now. I'm not used to being home bound, but sometimes the Lord puts us in places to teach us. I'm learning patience which I was always short of. I have to be patient with myself as I take care of myself - by hurrying and being impatient, it only makes matters worse.
Both my husband and daughter have terrible colds and they are my "caretakers". They have not felt well enough to take care of themselves, let alone me. You talk about a perfect storm - I feel sometimes that I am in the midst of it. I am getting a scratchy throat, so I hope and pray I don't come down with what they have. If I have to cough or sneeze, it will kill my abdomen.
Sometimes I start panicking about catching cold, or the surgery to fail, or whatever fears I can conjure up. Tonight was one of those experiences. The way I took care of it was to stop everything and ask the Lord for help. Amazing how that helps. I immediately started calming down.
That's all for now. When I hear anything from Susan and will post it here unless she finds the time to do it herself. For those interested I will keep you updated on my progress.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Trials are not easy but God sees us through them
From Sandy -
Just got an update on Susan's husband Gene. It's not good. He may not make it until tomorrow morning. Please pray for both Susan and Gene. Susan needs God's love and strength right now and Gene needs prayers for God to do His will in Gene's life.
It's a good thing I didn't know how hard it would be to live with this bag. I have already made another ER trip to the hospital - this time over blurred vision and my bladder. I cried at ER because I was feeling weak and sorry for myself. So far since surgery, I have made two trips to ER and one unexpected trip to see the Ostomy nurse and it's only been two weeks since my surgery. The bag leaks and is so disgusting and I have to be so careful to get it on just right. Praise the Lord the bag I put on yesterday afternoon is still going strong. Found out today that I am low on sodium and have no bladder infection. I drank about a quart of gatorade and have most of my strength back. The only pain I really have is my bladder and my back. I am eating a little bit better which also brings back my strength. I have probably lost 10 pounds since surgery. However, I am alive and comfy in my own home and I am definitely on the road to recovery.
God never leaves us through the trials and storms in our lives. I have felt His presence with me and felt it again while I was sitting on a guerney in a hospital gown this afternoon. I may not have the strength to get through this, but God supplies it for me. I know I am so blessed to have found these polyps before they turned cancerous. I know God led me in His own mysterious way to get a colonoscopy which I swore I never would have and certainly didn't need. He has more in store for me and I am His. It's been a hard year for my husband and myself, but God has seen us through the hardships. He has already seen us through trials this year and everything turned out o.k. I lean hard on the Lord and trust Him with my life for He has told me, "Be not afraid...just believe".
Just got an update on Susan's husband Gene. It's not good. He may not make it until tomorrow morning. Please pray for both Susan and Gene. Susan needs God's love and strength right now and Gene needs prayers for God to do His will in Gene's life.
It's a good thing I didn't know how hard it would be to live with this bag. I have already made another ER trip to the hospital - this time over blurred vision and my bladder. I cried at ER because I was feeling weak and sorry for myself. So far since surgery, I have made two trips to ER and one unexpected trip to see the Ostomy nurse and it's only been two weeks since my surgery. The bag leaks and is so disgusting and I have to be so careful to get it on just right. Praise the Lord the bag I put on yesterday afternoon is still going strong. Found out today that I am low on sodium and have no bladder infection. I drank about a quart of gatorade and have most of my strength back. The only pain I really have is my bladder and my back. I am eating a little bit better which also brings back my strength. I have probably lost 10 pounds since surgery. However, I am alive and comfy in my own home and I am definitely on the road to recovery.
God never leaves us through the trials and storms in our lives. I have felt His presence with me and felt it again while I was sitting on a guerney in a hospital gown this afternoon. I may not have the strength to get through this, but God supplies it for me. I know I am so blessed to have found these polyps before they turned cancerous. I know God led me in His own mysterious way to get a colonoscopy which I swore I never would have and certainly didn't need. He has more in store for me and I am His. It's been a hard year for my husband and myself, but God has seen us through the hardships. He has already seen us through trials this year and everything turned out o.k. I lean hard on the Lord and trust Him with my life for He has told me, "Be not afraid...just believe".
Monday, September 6, 2010
My progress
From Sandy -
First of all, will everyone on this blog please pray for Susan and Gene. I heard that Gene is not doing as well as expected. Susan needs our prays that God will give her peace and strength as she faces each new day of Gene's illness. Gene needs our prayers to ask the Lord to be with him and comfort him in this time of his life.
Well - I still feel good but I'm very very tired. I had the night from HE-- last night and didn't fall asleep until 5:00 a.m. Had to make an emergency run to the hospital. There is a tear in my stoma (the small intestine that comes out of the abdomen) and the bag I was wearing filled up with alot of blood. This really scared me and I knew there was nothing left to do but to go to ER, which is exactly what my husband and I did. I also have a bladder infection and it has made me so uncomfortable. I know that nothing runs perfect in life and ups and downs are bound to come with this surgery. After getting home from the hospital at 2 a.m., I was awake most of the night replacing my bag - each one would start leaking and it was not a pretty sight. I wanted so badly to just call someone at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, but of course I knew that would not be a good thing to do. Then, I realized that I am never alone and I called upon the Lord to help me get through the night. I fell asleep around 5:00 and slept until 11:00 a.m. I did get some sleep. I realized through all of this that even when I feel like I am alone - I am not. The Lord is always with me to give me faith, strength, hope and tomorrow morning.
I'm going to have to see the ostomy nurse tomorrow and see what can be done for my stoma. It is such a task to take care of my new body - not pleasant. I have gotten into self pity and that's totally the wrong thing to do. Again, I have to turn to the Lord and ask for His guidance in all of this. I know that all of us our His children and although I don't work now quite the way He made me, He loves me none the less for it. I think self-pity can really be a sin. It takes away all the blessings and covers your world in a gloomy cloud. My daughter was able to bring me out of the self-pity tonight. She said to think about people who have handicaps much worse than mine. I'm not really counting mine as a handicap. I am still blessed and being blessed by the Lord and will conquer the self-pity as well as "leaky" bags and "torn" stomas. I do have to work on my self-image right now, but the Lord will help me with that too.
I hope that this finds all of you well. Again, please pray for Susan and Gene.
First of all, will everyone on this blog please pray for Susan and Gene. I heard that Gene is not doing as well as expected. Susan needs our prays that God will give her peace and strength as she faces each new day of Gene's illness. Gene needs our prayers to ask the Lord to be with him and comfort him in this time of his life.
Well - I still feel good but I'm very very tired. I had the night from HE-- last night and didn't fall asleep until 5:00 a.m. Had to make an emergency run to the hospital. There is a tear in my stoma (the small intestine that comes out of the abdomen) and the bag I was wearing filled up with alot of blood. This really scared me and I knew there was nothing left to do but to go to ER, which is exactly what my husband and I did. I also have a bladder infection and it has made me so uncomfortable. I know that nothing runs perfect in life and ups and downs are bound to come with this surgery. After getting home from the hospital at 2 a.m., I was awake most of the night replacing my bag - each one would start leaking and it was not a pretty sight. I wanted so badly to just call someone at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, but of course I knew that would not be a good thing to do. Then, I realized that I am never alone and I called upon the Lord to help me get through the night. I fell asleep around 5:00 and slept until 11:00 a.m. I did get some sleep. I realized through all of this that even when I feel like I am alone - I am not. The Lord is always with me to give me faith, strength, hope and tomorrow morning.
I'm going to have to see the ostomy nurse tomorrow and see what can be done for my stoma. It is such a task to take care of my new body - not pleasant. I have gotten into self pity and that's totally the wrong thing to do. Again, I have to turn to the Lord and ask for His guidance in all of this. I know that all of us our His children and although I don't work now quite the way He made me, He loves me none the less for it. I think self-pity can really be a sin. It takes away all the blessings and covers your world in a gloomy cloud. My daughter was able to bring me out of the self-pity tonight. She said to think about people who have handicaps much worse than mine. I'm not really counting mine as a handicap. I am still blessed and being blessed by the Lord and will conquer the self-pity as well as "leaky" bags and "torn" stomas. I do have to work on my self-image right now, but the Lord will help me with that too.
I hope that this finds all of you well. Again, please pray for Susan and Gene.
Friday, September 3, 2010
I'm Back
From Sandy -
I want to thank everyone for their prayers. I know that the Lord honored each and every one of them. I went into the hospital Friday for surgery. I was wheeled into my room at midnight - My room was private which was wonderful and worth the wait. The nurses were great too. My doctor came to see me every day and was pleasantly surprised at how fast I was recovering. I was never nauseous from the anesthesia and was up and walking on Saturday - although not very far. I do have to tell you that sometimes the pain would grab me and I would almost faint, but it would come and go so quickly that it was tolerable. If I wasn't moving, there was no pain. The pain killers that were given to me worked very well. Getting up and down was painful, but I was able to walk alot in the hospital and eventually was able to take care of myself. The hospital food was horrible and my appetite still has not come back, but I can't complain. My surgeon sent me home on Wednesday because I was doing so well. He had very good news for me that the biopsy they took of everything showed no cancer. Thank the Good Lord. So, here I sit composing this post.
Although I think of the past few months as a nightmare, I know that the Lord was with me every step of the way. He provided me with just enough to get me through the day and I know Him and love Him much more today than yesterday. I can't believe how quickly the days have gone by since my surgery. It has been one week already and the worst is over. I do have to go back for a second surgery to connect a pouch that was formed out of my intestines. This won't be until the pouch and my body heal from this surgery.
I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be here at home on the mend. One of my friends gave me a postcard that was a picture of someone in surgery and Jesus is guiding the surgeon's hand. This picture went with me into surgery and was kept with my chart. I get emotional just thinking of how the Lord had His hand in everything that concerned me and still does. One bit of scripture that kept me going was "Be not afraid -- Just believe". I feel as if I've been through a fiery furnace, but Jesus never left my side.
I want to thank everyone for their prayers. I know that the Lord honored each and every one of them. I went into the hospital Friday for surgery. I was wheeled into my room at midnight - My room was private which was wonderful and worth the wait. The nurses were great too. My doctor came to see me every day and was pleasantly surprised at how fast I was recovering. I was never nauseous from the anesthesia and was up and walking on Saturday - although not very far. I do have to tell you that sometimes the pain would grab me and I would almost faint, but it would come and go so quickly that it was tolerable. If I wasn't moving, there was no pain. The pain killers that were given to me worked very well. Getting up and down was painful, but I was able to walk alot in the hospital and eventually was able to take care of myself. The hospital food was horrible and my appetite still has not come back, but I can't complain. My surgeon sent me home on Wednesday because I was doing so well. He had very good news for me that the biopsy they took of everything showed no cancer. Thank the Good Lord. So, here I sit composing this post.
Although I think of the past few months as a nightmare, I know that the Lord was with me every step of the way. He provided me with just enough to get me through the day and I know Him and love Him much more today than yesterday. I can't believe how quickly the days have gone by since my surgery. It has been one week already and the worst is over. I do have to go back for a second surgery to connect a pouch that was formed out of my intestines. This won't be until the pouch and my body heal from this surgery.
I cannot tell you how blessed I feel to be here at home on the mend. One of my friends gave me a postcard that was a picture of someone in surgery and Jesus is guiding the surgeon's hand. This picture went with me into surgery and was kept with my chart. I get emotional just thinking of how the Lord had His hand in everything that concerned me and still does. One bit of scripture that kept me going was "Be not afraid -- Just believe". I feel as if I've been through a fiery furnace, but Jesus never left my side.
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