Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Middle Man

From Sandy -

For once - this has nothing to do with my condition or surgery. I found out tonight at 11:30 p.m. in my e-mail that I have hurt a friend's feelings. I feel really horrible right now about the whole thing and decided to share it with all of you. I don't know if any of you have gone through this experience, but this is the second time in my life I have been confronted about being a "bad" friend.

I will share with you what happened. My friend (who is angry with me, friend #1) is upset because I invited certain friends to a luncheon and did not invite her. We are all friends from our former employer which was a bank that was closed down by the FDIC. The reason I did not invite her was that my "other" friend (friend #2) suggested getting together for lunch with some ex co-workers, but since there are bad feelings between friend #1 and friend #2, I felt that friend #1 would not want to come and friend #2 would resent my inviting her. Neither one of them like each other - and I like them both - so I am kind of in the middle. I felt that friend #1 (the one who is angry with me) would not come to a lunch where friend #2 (the friend who wanted me to get some people together for lunch) would be attending. Both of these people are not happy by the fact that I associate with the other one. Therefore, I am put in the middle. I really do love both of them as friends and I have to walk on egg shells sometimes to keep from hurting one or the other by befriending both of them. As it turns out I did hurt one of them. I don't know what God would think about this. I feel like I was wrong for not inviting friend #1. She's always been a good friend, but she told me on no uncertain terms that I really hurt her by leaving her out and not inviting her to this get together.

It is almost midnight here right now and I can't sleep because I just feel horrible about hurting my friend. I did apologize and told friend #1 that I understood exactly how she felt and I am so sorry for excluding her. Being the "people pleaser" that I am - it is hard to make everyone happy. And trust me, I try to please everyone even if it means harming myself. I guess you could say it is almost a weakness of mine. So, I just had to get this off of my chest and share it with you. If anyone has suggestions, I would love to hear them. I cannot stand for anyone to be angry with me or dislike me - again the "people pleaser" in me. I know that life is not perfect and I have to be willing to admit that sometimes what I do hurts others. It's just not easy for me to realize that I have caused pain to someone else and yet I have. I know that the Lord forgives us, but sometimes people don't. I will definitely turn this over to the Lord.

Anyway, I am not perfect. I continually make mistakes and still sin. Thanks be to God because I know that he understands me. He knows me inside and out, yet He still loves me. I have apologized to my dear friend and will say a prayer that God will make this right. To some, this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. Friends are so valuable in a person's life. They are the treasures that keep on giving. I don't want to lose this friend just because I excluded her from a gathering of our ex co-workers. Hope this makes sense to some of you. I just had a heavy heart tonight and had to share this. I was wrong by excluding her, but I honestly did not think she would come if she were invited. I should never try to think for anyone else except myself.

1 comment:

  1. Sandra, in my mind you didn't do anything wrong. You were trying to protect both of your friends from unpleasantness. The friend who is hurt sounds like she has some issues to resolve within herself. Just continue to be the loving, bright light for Jesus that I know you to be. Give it all to him. You apologized (which I don't think you had to do), if she expects more, then she is asking too much of you. I love you! Susan

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