Strength and Courage

From Sandy -
I am such a chicken when it comes to hospitals, doctors, biopsies and tests. My daughter is the opposite as she is an RN and has served in a number of departments of the hospital. She actually loves everything about hospitals - which is a good thing seeing that she is a nurse. She does not share my anxiety and fear. Without thinking, she has said things to me that have struck fear in me about my surgery. She would not do this on purpose, but she is a nurse and has spoken to me the truth without sugar coating anything. Sometimes I like the sugar coating in life. When I go for a mammogram or any other procedure, I am always fearful - not really expecting the worst, but hoping that the results will be good.

As the days bring me closer and closer to August 27 (my surgery date) - I find myself sometimes feeling weak and unable to face what the surgery will do to me. I don't want to do it - I can't understand really why I have to put myself through all of this. However, on the other hand I know that I have a potential time bomb that could mean cancer. I have to rid myself of this time bomb - which is my colon.

This is scary. My fear over tests and procedures has brought me to this reality of getting news I didn't want to hear. I've never had surgery before and have always been healthy. It seems like a bad dream and yet I know that I am awake. This is a time for me to be strong and have courage. In the first chapter of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua numerous times to be strong and of good courage. He tells Joshua that as He was with Moses, He will be with Joshua. He told Joshua He would not fail him nor forsake him. He told him to not be afraid , neither be dismayed; for the Lord God would be with him whithersoever he goes. Joshua succeeded Moses (after his death) in leading the people of Israel. God gave Joshua the key to success - meditating on God's word.

This first chapter of Joshua has been such a help to me. I know that in God's word I find the strength and courage to face anything. I am never alone - I may not have a friend to talk to in the wee hours of the morning, but I always have the Lord. He is my strength and courage and He has promised to see me through this ordeal.

I have the Lord to fight my battles. All I have to do is follow His directions for my life and He will do the rest. It's easier said than done, but it's what I plan to do. I will be strong and of good courage because the Lord my God is with me.

These posts of mine are mainly dwelling on my surgery. I do have blessings to count and God is blessing me through this trial. I have friends who are there for me and my church has blessed me and I know that the Lord will knit me back together again.

I know Susan and Gene need our prayers. I have not heard from Susan for a couple of days. I hope and pray that Gene will get better and that God will give Susan strength and peace to get through these hard days.