I am waiting upon the Lord

From Sandy -

Today I am writing this in the wee hours of Thursday Morning. Tomorrow, Friday, I am going to have my surgery. I am certainly not looking forward to it, but I will be so happy just to get it done and go on with my life. May 11 was when I first found out I needed surgery, so this has been a long time coming. I have experienced all kinds of emotions over the past few months. I experienced extreme anxiety and fear yet on the other end of the spectrum I have experienced peace and love. I have always been such a big chicken about everything and when I was told what the surgery would mean to my body, I freaked out completely. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, and my blood pressure went sky high (which only added to my worries). There was no one that could console me at first. I simply was devastated over my situation and depression and fear took a toll on me. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't have much interest in anything. I focused constantly on what was happening and would happen to me.

I was brought up knowing God and have turned to Him many times in my lifetime. But never have I felt so dependent upon him as I have with this "diseased colon". No matter who I talked to about the surgery, I came away with fear and anxiety. Only when I opened my Bible and read God's word did I find peace and serenity. I have never put God first in my life - but believe me He most definitely is #1 in my life now and I know He always will be. His words of comfort and love have not only sustained me but they have changed me. I feel faith growing in me and I trust the Lord like I never have before. I have actually heard Him whisper to me to tell me He would be with me and heal me. He told me that He would knit me back together during surgery and recovery as he first knit me together in my mother's womb. I've never listened for God's still small voice and when I actually heard Him tell me this I was overwhelmed with love for Him and knew He was with me. God does speak to us if we stop and listen. I have always been such a "busy" person - cleaning house, walking dogs, shopping, cooking, gardening, caring for my animals and working. I didn't have the time to put God first over all the busyness that I allowed to clutter my life. I made the time for God when I so desperately needed Him. I have stopped and listened for His voice. To my surprise I have heard Him. As much as I hate to admit it, this surgery is blessing me. What a precious gift I have because I do believe and my faith is growing and my trust is in the Lord God Almighty.

I have turned my body and the loss of my colon over to the Lord. I am waiting upon the Lord to knit me back together because He is the Great Physician. He will do this and I will praise Him for my sufficiency is of God.