Trusting in the deliverance of the Lord

From Sandy -

Ron was transferred back to Reche Canyon Rehab. Center yesterday evening. He did not get his old room back, but hopefully he will soon. His red blood cell count varies and as of this moment, the doctors did not find the reason for his losing blood. He had his colonoscopy and a biopsy was taken, but results won't be here until tomorrow. I don't understand why Kaiser wanted to transfer him before the results of the biopsy, but I am thanking the Lord that he was able to get back to Reche Canyon.

I feel sometimes that I have been to hell and back during this time of Ron's illness. I get scared and I try to be the wife, caregiver, nurse, doctor - EVERYTHING - for Ron. This is not God's way - I have forced him out and put me in charge. Putting me in charge has definitely placed me somewhere I don't belong. Why is it that I seem to think I can "fix it". I am a Mother and could always "fix" my children's problems (sometimes). I have such a hard time letting go and letting God. I always think there is one more question I can ask - one more idea I can try - one more thing to make Ron do or not do. This only causes disappointment, frustration, insecurities, worry and fretfulness.

I wrote that I had surrendered Ron. Well, guess what - I grabbed him right back. It's so hard for me to be patient and trust the Lord's timing to get things done - not mine. Once again I have to patiently wait and trust in God's deliverance. He is the Creator - He definitely knows what is best for Ron and for me. I have to learn to obey His commands - not direct His ways. Even though my situation seems urgent and I don't know how I will be delivered, I have to trust in the Lord. He has promised to deliver and He knows a way to accomplish it. I call upon Him and He will deliver me and Ron.

This sounds so easy - yet so hard for me. I do call upon the Lord constantly and then take action to do it my way. I will trust in His deliverance and in His healing of Ron. It's much more peaceful and serene to rest in the arms of God and let Him do His work.