Change of Plans

From Sandy -

There has been a change in my thinking regarding Ron. One thing great about the Lord, He does allow us to to have our own free will, so we can change our minds.

I have shared that Ron has a fear of dying. He does not want to be taken off of the ventilator to pass away. I asked him and he nodded his head that he wanted to have a tracheotomy so the ventilator would be attached to his throat and not down his throat through his mouth. This would make it much safer for him to be on the vent and more comfortable for Ron. I had a Kaiser bio-ethics person try to talk me into just letting Ron go. I was convinced by him and others until a friend of mine told me that if Ron did not want to die, he should make his own decision about life support. After alot of thinking, tears and prayers, I knew that I could not and would not allow the doctors to take him off of the ventilator to die. I told them they should ask Ron. Ron still is capable of making decisions - he still is alert (unless drugged with morphine) and he responds to yes and no questions. How could I allow him to die when I know he is so fearful of death and I don't think he knows the Lord as his personal Savior.

There's a reason that Ron is still alive. The Lord wants to draw this lost lamb into his fold. He's not done with Ron yet. I know Ron is enduring suffering and misery, but this is his choice. And, I support his choice to live on life support. I prayed with him tonight before he had the procedure for his tracheotomy. He was frightened and I let him know that the Lord would be there to make everything o.k. I have always told him to pray for himself. I have always told him that Jesus loves him and gave his life for him. I don't know if Ron wants to hear this, but I know that I could not live with myself if I did not share salvation with Ron.

Life is still a struggle for both of us, but the Lord is with us. I have learned so much going through these trials. The Lord is with us and has not forsaken us. I trust Jesus to guide us and provide strength, love, hope and peace.

One last thought - I know that my beloved dog Alfie is in heaven and I'll see him again some day.