Lessons of Faith

From Sandy -

As most of you know, I have been through some major trials this year. I have experienced despair, fear, anxiety, defeat, worry, loneliness, failure. These words can't really describe every emotion I have been through. There were times I wanted to run away. There were times that I wished I could turn my back on all the negativity in life and smile once again, or have something to laugh about. Seems like my life has been trips to hospitals or convalescent homes and occassionally visits to a lawyer. I have experienced the possibility of losing my husband and losing our home and income. Prior to my husband's heart attack - about a year ago - I also feared for my life. I was facing surgery to have my colon removed. And, at that time I didn't know whether I had colon cancer or not. As a matter of fact, I entertained thoughts of how I wanted my funeral.

I sit here writing about my year and I know that throughout the trials, the Lord was right there with me. I asked Him for faith and the Lord tested me. He sent me another trial. I have always loved the Lord. Even as a child I knew who He was and I always wanted to please Him. Today, I know how faith works. I could not have told you this a year ago. Only through the trials was I able to see how the Lord's hand smoothed out all the wrinkles for me. He calmed my stormy sea each and every time. It was during the past year that I could hear the Lord and I knew He was calming me and holding me in the palm of His hand. It was because of this "nightmarish" year that I have fallen deeper in love with Jesus. I always loved Him superficially, but not anymore - He means everything to me now - I adore Him. I have heard Him and felt Him and know that He is always there for me. Through the lonely nights and the dark storms - I have never been alone. I hear Him whisper to me in a prayer or thought or through His word. I know I can trust Him because He loves me.

Faith for me has not come easily. I've always been a worrier. My Dad always told me that what I worried about would never happen. I guess I figured if I worried about everything, then everything would turn out to be o.k. I know differently now. I look back on this year and see all the times that the Lord was sustaining me. I honestly could not have made it without His love. When I pray, I bow down before the Lord seeking to touch Him and feel Him and know Him. It's been a true love affair with the Lord this year. As much as I absolutely hated every trial and all the anguish and fear that each one brought - these trials brought me closer to God. I know this is a crazy statement I am about to make but I thank the Lord for this year (it has been an education of biblical proportion). Only through the hurt and pain can one experience God's true love. He wants us to be happy, but happiness doesn't teach us about trusting Him. I know what faith is now. I don't always have it, but I know how to get it and I'm not afraid to ask. My prayer is for my husband to feel God's love and tender care as I have. I cannot tell you how much I have learned in one year about the Lord - what a privilege to know Him as I do.