Being weary and feeling down

From Sandy -

Went to see Ron again today. He still looked very weak - although better than yesterday. It's amazing how much love I feel for him right now. The thought of losing him is absolutely devastating to me. I have been married to this man for 44 years. What would life be without him? He has always been there it seems. The major part of my life has been spent with him. Yes - we have had a rocky marriage and we both have done things to our marriage vows that neither one of us are proud of. In younger days, I was stupid and wanted to get even with him for being an alcoholic. It's amazing that I waited until he actually got sober to do this. He also moved out of our home and lived in Las Vegas for a while - less than a year. Now, all I feel for Ron is amazing love. I love him so much. I am so glad that the Lord allowed us to iron out our differences and still remain together. Ron has always been so unselfish in the ways he has given to myself and our two children. He is a good man who has a heart of gold for other people. He loves animals so much and the ones we have mean so much to him. I so want to bring him home so he can spend time with his animals. Yes - he has alot wrong healthwise with him, but I feel driven to find a way to bring him home. Whether these be his last days or not, he needs to be home.

I honestly wonder if the Lord has decided to teach both Ron and I lessons regarding our marriage. Since we both broke marriage vows (which are sacred), I wonder if he has decided to punish us. I'm sorry, I am not feeling spiritual tonight. Please Lord forgive me. I have prayed so hard and hoped so much and trusted so much. I will have to wait and see what the outcome is from all of this. I still love the Lord with all my heart and soul, but I ask "why?" I plead for healing in Ron's body. I feel tired and let down and very weak right now.

Forgive me everyone for my honesty. All Christians have their ups and downs. I continually think of Job and what he went through. I will always love my Lord and Savior - and I commit my precious husband onto His care. It hurts, this really hurts. That's all I can say right now.

Hope to be more cheerful in a later post - but you need to know that right now I am weak and very very human.