Clinging to God

Ron has a blockage in his intestine, and despite the efforts of his GI doctor, there is still a problem. This could mean surgery and Ron is so very weak. I have to admit that I have yelled at God tonight. I am begging and pleading with the Lord to "fix" Ron.

I don't understand life sometimes and right now I don't understand God. I don't understand why Ron was able to be home for only one week and now he is facing a serious problem lying in a hospital bed once again. The Lord knows how I am feeling - I have asked Him why. I don't think it's fair. Are we being punished? God punished people in the Old Testament. Is my faith being tested? Is the Lord trying to get Ron's attention? Is the Lord teaching me to "Let go and Let God"? Is this to teach both Ron and I to trust in the Lord always and lean not unto our own understanding? Is this for growth in strength and faith?

I still believe in miracles and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord can heal Ron. I know that Jesus is right there with Ron. I have asked Him to touch Ron with healing power and with his unconditional love. I am being totally honest here when I say that my faith right now is wavering. Am I in the fiery furnace being tested? God's Word tells me to not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present my requests to God. This I have done and I am still doing. I have been earnestly praying, perservering and enduring and waiting, waiting, waiting on God. I have heard that we may have to face the very worst before we are delivered, but we will be delivered. I am clinging to God and clining to the robe of Jesus - I know Jesus feels Ron's pain and He knows how much I love Ron. Jesus will act when the time is right. I remain waiting for one more miracle.

I want Ron to come home and enjoy what life he has left. I commit this onto the Lord.

Requesting prayer

I know that just yesterday I posted how elated that Ron and I were for him to finally come home. Unfortunately, he is now back in the hospital. He has a bowel obstruction that is very painful and I am requesting that anyone who wishes to would pray for Ron's bowel obstruction to disappear. If it doesn't, he will need surgery and in his weakened condition I am afraid to know what that means.

Ron so far is a book of miracles - surely our Lord and Savior will perform this miracle to clear his bowels so he is once again able to eat and get rid of waste. I am finding out through these episodes that I love Ron so much. I see the frailty in him, the humaness in him, the little scared boy in him, the man I love. I come to the Lord once again in constant prayer for Ron's healing. What's another miracle to the Lord? He performs them every day and I am asking him to unblock Ron's bowels. Do I have enough faith for this? Do I trust in the Lord with all my heart and soul? Do I believe in miracles? Yes - to all of these questions. I wait upon the Lord for healing and to remove the obstruction.

My prayer constantly is "Lord I do believe, please help my unbelief". In the meantime I will keep praying, keep hoping and keep knowing that the Lord will bring what I have asked for to pass.

Please Please pray for Ron's return to health. It would be so appreciated beyond measure.

Sometimes miracles happen in bits and pieces

From Sandy -

Another miracle has come to our family. The Doctor sent Ron home last Thursday. Ron is still very weak, but he is off the feeding tube, his tracheotomy is healing and closing, and HE IS HOME!!!

When I look back on all the stuff Ron has gone through, it's amazing that he is still alive. He came close to dying three times this year and I was beginning to think he would never make it home. But here he is at home.

So many miracles took place in Ron's healing. When Ron was so sick, we weren't sure he was going to make it, he was taken off of the ventilator. He came through sepsis where he was actually unconscious for a month. He was aspirating his food and was having to be fed through a G-tube and now he can eat anything and everything. He is able to get by on very little oxygen. He is back in his own home in his own bedroom. I haven't mentioned all the miracles - there were some tiny ones and some powerful ones. But the biggest miracle is that Ron is back home. It took all the small miracles to enable Ron to get stronger. The Lord was touching Ron all the time with his healing power. This I believe with heart and soul. Many many people have prayed for Ron and the Lord did hear their prayers.

Now - I am asking for prayer. The task of caring for Ron has fallen upon me. I'm not complaining but sometimes it does get overwhelming. I have to stop and just ask God to give me the strength to do what I need to do. Ron is taking 14 different medications three times a day. He needs help sitting up, standing, walking, taking his meds, going to the bathroom, dressing, undressing, geting out of bed, bathing, etc.

I can do all of this with the Lord by my side. Right now I am thanking God that Ron is sleeping so I can write this post. It gives me time to gather my thoughts and put everything into perspective. When I am so rushed, I take my eyes off of the big picture and focus only on the small tasks that I am doing - a multiple of tasks, but they are small.

When I get weary, I stop and realize that right here, right now is where the Lord wants me to be. This is his task for me to do right now. Although I fall very very short of being anything close to a nurse, this is where the Lord wants me to be today. Tomorrow, I am sure things will change, but today I am right where I am supposed to be.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Miracles

From Sandy -

I am feeling very much in awe of the Lord today. Ron is going to be coming home very soon. He is now able to eat food again and his trach was pulled. Now there is just a hole in his throat and it will heal and close soon. He is walking with assistance and a walker. He is able to stand, he can pull himself up in bed and he is exercising his legs every day. I cannot begin to tell you what progress Ron has made. The prayers on behalf of Ron have been heard by the Lord and He has touched Ron with healing and recovery. Nothing short of a miracle has brought Ron from the brinks of death back to life. He has the glowing look of health now and is putting weight back on. He is talking about coming home and how happy he will be to get there. He is nothing short of a miracle.

When I look back at a most "nightmarish" year - I see the footprints of God when He truly did carry me. I have come close to breaking down, but the Lord was there to support me and give me the strength to keep on keeping on. The Lord guided me to a wonderful attorney that brought me through what could have been financial ruin - now we are able to keep our home and our income and I am able to pay the bills. I came through my own surgery with flying colors - Jesus was with me, guiding the surgeon's hand as I lay there.

Throughout all of the despair, pain and suffering - I was never ever alone. This to me is the greatest miracle of all. As small and insignificant as I am compared to the world and all of its' people, the Lord still has had the time to love me, to support me, to strengthen me, and to walk with me through the storm.

When you walk through the storm, hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a Lark.

Walk on, Walk on with hope in your heart though your dreams be tossed and blown, walk on walk on with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone - you'll never walk alone.

I have not walked alone through the storm, Jesus was right there with me all the way and still is.

My mornings, my dog, and the Lord

From Sandy -

Mornings are really hard for me. I wake up feeling like a ton of bricks is on my chest. Sometimes I sleep very late because I just don't want to face the day. Once I am up, I get busy feeding horses, cleaning corrals, cleaning up after the dog, and feeding the cats. I do this almost as soon as my feet touch the floor. I get dressed, I'm out the door and taking care of the animals. All this time I am feeling anxious.

When I have a minute, I go back to my bedroom and spend time opening e-mails. Then I see what news there is on the internet. Finally I look at the bible verse for the day and read my "Streams in the Desert" daily devotional. Then, after calming down and getting a grip on life, I bow my head in prayer. Only after I have prayed and meditated on the Lord do I calm down. It's an amazing thing that happens to me - a peace that passes all understanding envelops me and I know I'll be able to conquer the day. I realize at that time that there is nothing I will have to face alone because my Heavenly Father is there to guide me and to lighten the load. The Lord clears the fog in my brain and brings a blue sky and sunshine with a clarity of hope and faith and strength.

As I write this, I realize I get things backwards. Once my feet first hit the floor, I should then kneel on the floor and ask the Lord to get me through the day. It's a way of refreshing the day -showering off all of the fear, pain, anxiety and stress that are covering me. It's starting over again brand new with the knowledge that the Lord is right there with me to direct my path and slay all the demons that get in the way.

I am a person that finds it hard to relax. I am always thinking about what I should be doing when I sit and take time to unwind. I guess you could say I am always nervous and stressing. Only through the Lord do I find the ability to become serene and give up the fears and stresses of the day. He is my comfort and He is the love of my life.

Right now I am facing putting my dog to sleep. He's a mixture of german shepard, collie, who knows what else. His name is Alfie and he is 12 years old. He's a big boy and he has always been so active that you had to pet him in a hurry, because he would be so wiggily and glad to see you. Now he is old - he has bladder cancer and he has gotten very weak. He doesn't eat unless I feed him. I am having the hardest time knowing what to do. He's so afraid of the vet. I don't want to put him through the trip there. He is big, so I can't just get him in the car and go. I truly love him although as a young dog he was a pain - ate even the stucco off of the corner of our house and chewed up every shoe or anything that was left on the ground. I have turned him over to the Lord and still don't know what to do. In my opinion, the Lord is saying "wait". The Lord will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Again, I know the Lord cares for everything I love and care about. So He knows all about Alfie. He knows the pain I am going through just thinking about what to do with Alfie. Sometimes I know the Lord says "wait". The pain and stress of "waiting" is hard to do, but I know that the Lord loves Alfie too and will be there for Alfie and me.

I haven't prayed yet this morning nor ready my Bible, so I will "destress" and turn all of my worries over to the Lord. He will give me rest.

Surrender at the feet of Jesus

From Sandy -

Surrender at the feet of Jesus. I came upon these words this morning as I was reading a daily devotional. How I identify with these precious and beautiful words. I have surrendered and still surrender on a daily basis at the feet of Jesus. I bow down before him and see the hem of his robe as I reach out and touch it for strength, for healing, for love, and amazing grace. As I perform this act, I feel a tremendous love overflow me to the point that I actually get goosebumps and yet an overpowering feeling of warmth and love. How magnificent is our Lord, filled with grace and truth - what a privilege to carry everything to Him in prayer.

This surrendering at the feet of Jesus came to me as I read in the Bible about the woman who had a constant flow of blood. She was in the crowd when Jesus was preaching and made her way to him. Once she was at his feet, she reached out and touched the hem of his robe. Immediately the flow of blood stopped. Jesus said "Somebody has touched me for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me". When the woman saw that she was not hid, she came forth trembling and falling down before him. She declared unto him before the crowd for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately. And he said unto her "Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace" .

There is such peace in surrendering. Sometimes I picture myself as a hampster running in a wheel that takes me no where yet is such a struggle just to keep going thinking I can get it done, I can fix it, I can make things better. Such a waste of time and accomplishing nothing is what happens. When I surrender everything to the Lord - that's the time he can act. Yet, how many times have I surrendered only to take everything back because I thought the Lord was taking too long. This lesson I am learning is a life long lesson. Sometimes it's so hard to surrender even when we know that we should.

Every time I have surrendered Ron and his illnesses, (I mean truly surrendered) the Lord has healed Ron in some way. When I was facing my surgery, I finally came to faith by surrendering my body to the one who created it - and I was made whole and found the peace that passes all understanding.

The Lord refreshes the weary

From Sandy -

In Jeremiah 31:25 the Lord tells us "I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint".

Right now that promise is what I'm hanging on to. The days of running this race sometimes become very dreary and monotonous. I am not complaining, just stating how I feel Sometimes the Lord leads us to places we would not choose to be in so we can grow. I read something today that made so much sense. If we had everything we wanted and lacked for nothing - we would not grow in strength and faith. We would become weak and dependent and not develop into a real person of character. The storms and valleys of life are opportunities to grow in grace and strength.

Growing comes with growing pains. Guess that's what I have been going through. I would just love to get away and take a vacation. But that would not solve the problems I would leave behind. My task right now is to be here taking care of finances and being Ron's voice throughout his recovery. I work behind the scenes to make sure Ron is getting the best of care and making sure that he is exercising and doing what he can for himself so he can come home. I praise the Lord that Ron's recovery is steady and that he is doing better every day. This does take some of the stress away.

I know that the Lord does refresh the weary. I wait upon him for his promise of refreshing. This has been two years I shall never forget. The Lord has walked with me throughout my surgery and throughout Ron's surgery and all the setbacks that he has gone through. Refreshing is on its' way and God's blessings will be poured out upon us. I feel that they have already started.

Haleluliah - how I love my Savior.