Clinging to God

Ron has a blockage in his intestine, and despite the efforts of his GI doctor, there is still a problem. This could mean surgery and Ron is so very weak. I have to admit that I have yelled at God tonight. I am begging and pleading with the Lord to "fix" Ron.

I don't understand life sometimes and right now I don't understand God. I don't understand why Ron was able to be home for only one week and now he is facing a serious problem lying in a hospital bed once again. The Lord knows how I am feeling - I have asked Him why. I don't think it's fair. Are we being punished? God punished people in the Old Testament. Is my faith being tested? Is the Lord trying to get Ron's attention? Is the Lord teaching me to "Let go and Let God"? Is this to teach both Ron and I to trust in the Lord always and lean not unto our own understanding? Is this for growth in strength and faith?

I still believe in miracles and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord can heal Ron. I know that Jesus is right there with Ron. I have asked Him to touch Ron with healing power and with his unconditional love. I am being totally honest here when I say that my faith right now is wavering. Am I in the fiery furnace being tested? God's Word tells me to not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present my requests to God. This I have done and I am still doing. I have been earnestly praying, perservering and enduring and waiting, waiting, waiting on God. I have heard that we may have to face the very worst before we are delivered, but we will be delivered. I am clinging to God and clining to the robe of Jesus - I know Jesus feels Ron's pain and He knows how much I love Ron. Jesus will act when the time is right. I remain waiting for one more miracle.

I want Ron to come home and enjoy what life he has left. I commit this onto the Lord.