Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Lord carries me!

I am having lots of flashbacks about Ron.  I remember so many things that I have not thought about for years.  Some of them bring an instant flood of tears.  I cannot get through a day without thinking of him at least 100 times.  I miss him and have such a problem understanding why he had to suffer as he did for 15 months.  The Lord does not always tell us why He does things.  However, I will spend the rest of my life trying to find the answer to the why of this.

I get scared when I think about being alone here in our home.  I don't know what the future brings and I have to confess I do busy things to keep me from thinking about my situation - keeping busy also keeps me from spending time with God.  I want to set aside a time each day to spend with the Lord - I cannot hear him when I allow the world and activities to interfere. 

I know there is certainly room up in heaven for one more soul.  I pray that Ron is there with all of his animals.  In fact, I believe that the Lord allowed me to envision Ron surrounded by our pot belly pigs, our cats, dogs, goats, donkeys and horse.  I did see this in my mind's eye!  If God can allow flowers to grow in heaven, He can certainly allow those of us who love our pets so much to have them with us in heaven.  I know the Bible does not address this anywhere, but who is to say that this is not so.  I believe that our animals will be with us in eternal life.  After all, they love us unconditionally, never talk back, and are our companions through the thick and the thin of it.  Therefore, I know in my heart that the Lord has given Ron this extra love.

Never have I walked a day without the Lord in my life.  Now more than ever, I need the Lord's direction and strength.  I do believe that He is carrying me through the grief, sadness and emptiness that I feel.  I have to go through these feelings to get to the other side.  I cannot deny these feelings and I have to claim them as mine.  By claiming them, I can move on and realize that these feelings are part of my humanity.  The Lord will carry me when I become overwhelmed by them.  The Lord will carry me and lift the burdens of my loss.

Knowing that I will go on and that the Lord will direct my path gives me the hope and strength to get through the day.  My life is not the same and never will be.  One thing guaranteed in our life is change.  We may go years without anything being different and then all of a sudden everything is turned upside down.  Even in the "upside down" of my life, I know my Savior is with me and when the burdens become too heavy, it is then that He lifts me up and carries me.

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