A day in my life without Ron

Life at its best is uncertain and can change in the blink of an eye.

Although Ron went through many illnesses and infections that sucked the life out of his body, I still felt hope, but I also felt a sense of loss. It's funny how our feelings can go in two different directions. Hope was always alive as long as Ron was alive; however, the evidence of what my eyes saw as Ron became weaker and his body was wasting away was telling me that the outcome would not be good.

I had 15 months to live by myself and take care of things here at home. Sometimes I think that was God's way of paving a road for me that would be more familiar once the inevitable occurred. I'm still at a loss as to why Ron had to suffer so. I can only hope and pray that someday the Lord will reveal the "why" of this.

Ron told me he accepted Jesus as his savior. I don't know what was going on in Ron's mind or if he prayed - I'm sure he did pray because I would often tell Ron to ask the Lord to help him. Ron told me he prayed. Ron is definitely not in hell - he already lived that on earth for the past 15 months. He is with the Lord and seeing beautiful things and experiencing love in its purest and hghest form. He is also with his beloved animals that he loved so very much. After all, the Lord knows what makes us feel loved and happy - for Ron it was his animals.

I am alone and I feel lost and I am grieving. I don't expect this feeling to go away all of a sudden, but I am hoping to get better as the days, weeks and months go by. I trust in the Lord to be my strength during this time and I know that He is always with me.

I cannot question the Lord's timing, but I do have so many questions for Him. The Lord is my refuge during this time of darkness. I trust Him and know that Ron is now safe and well in heaven and I will be delivered from grief and sorrow. I only pray that the Lord can now use me in some way to help others who are going through similar situations.