Blessed Assurance

From Sandy -

My heart is truly rejoicing today. Ron is still off the ventilator - they have taken the feeding tube out of his nose - his infections are gone. The next step in this loooooong recovery is for him to come home. I want everyone everywhere to know that the Lord does indeed answer prayers. I know in my heart with blessed assurance from the Lord himself that Ron is on the road to recovery and to coming home. My prayer now is for Ron to be able to come home to me before he goes home to be with the Lord.

I have never prayed so hard in my life. I have never leaned so hard on God. I have ended my prayers imagining myself touching the hem of Jesus's robe begging Him to heal Ron. I have felt the hand of God touch me with blessed assurance. This healing is a miracle, a gift from God.

Psalm 27:14 always has told me to "Be strong and take heart". I have felt God's strength in me when I couldn't make it on my own. Taking heart, I have always known that "this too shall pass".

I have spoken in an earlier post of "surrendering" Ron. I do believe that once I let go and let God, the Lord stepped in and took control. It was a Tuesday afternoon when Reche Canyon called 911 for Ron - he was very sick with a high fever. He was taken to Loma Linda Hospital and there his journey to recovery and healing was beginning. Yes - he had pneumonia, a blood infection, bowel infection, urinary tract infection - but that was what got him to Kaiser Hospital, Fontana where he was diagnosed with all the infections and given medication and care. That's where the doctors and nurses took the time to wean him off of the ventilator. That's where the feeding tube was removed and now he is eating on his own. That's where the Lord chose to work miracles.

I continue to pray and thank the Lord for his devine help. He is there for anyone who chooses to come to him. He has enveloped me with "Blessed Assurance" - the heavy burdens have been lightened immensely. My Savior lives and He has walked with me throughout this nightmare.

He will bring our trouble to completion

From Sandy -

During this time of illness, worry, anxiety and stress - I know that "this too shall pass". It has been five months now and I realize that there have been many who have endured worse hardships for a much longer period of time. I don't feel sorry for myself because I know that the Lord has taught me so much and has brought me so much closer to Him because of the crisis Ron and I are going through. I am hoping that through this Ron accepts Christ as his personal savior. I know that the Lord is working on him.

Once again Ron was off the ventilator yesterday. I am much more cautious this time about getting my hopes up. But I know that this is a good thing and I am hoping that Ron can permanently get off of it. Sometimes God gives us a peek at what is to be and we have to believe and have faith that He will carry it through. This is the way I am feeling about the ventilator. Being cautious I don't think is a lack of faith - it is simply trusting in the Lord for Him to work and do His will. I do ask for specifics of the Lord and that's o.k. too. God knows that I want Him to be Ron's ventilator - not a machine. I trust the Lord to get the job done! He does bring our troubles to completion. I have hope and faith and tomorrow morning.

Prayer

From Sandy -

I have prayed many times and many different ways for Ron. At first, I prayed for him to live. As time went on and Ron was not getting better, I prayed for him to get off the ventilator and for the Lord to heal him. I have prayed for God's will - I have prayed for the Lord to end Ron's suffering one way or another. I have prayed with faith and I have prayed with doubts. I have prayed with friends and family, I have prayed alone bowing down to the Lord on all fours. I have prayed with thanksgiving and I have prayed with discouragement and desparation. I have taken the time to stop during my prayers and listen to what the Lord might be telling me. I have prayed before opening the Bible and prayed with thanksgiving after closing my Bible.

Prayer is such an important part of my life. It's only through prayer and coming to the Lord that I feel the real and true peace that passes all understanding. It's when I turn worries and concerns over to Him that I realize everything will turn out to be "just fine". I have had so many people tell me how strong I have been throughout this ordeal - with my surgery and with Ron's heart attack. This strength is not coming from me - it's coming from the Lord. I sometimes feel as if I am going to lose my mind if one more thing happens - then I realize that I can go to the Lord and tell Him my fears and concerns and He calms me down right away. I feel His love and His gentle touch giving me the hope and strength to carry on. Sometimes the Lord comforts me through His word in the Bible. Sometimes I envision Him just holding me and loving me and comforting me - drying the tears that are falling down my cheek.

Prayer is what has been my strength throughout this "nightmare" of events. Through Prayer I have come to know the Lord in a very special way and He is my strength and my shield. He has gone before me and paved the way for my footsteps. He is always with me and will never leave me or forsake me. For these reasons, I take courage and know that the sun will shine again - Great is His faithfulness!!

Hanging on to hope

From Sandy -

Different day, different story. That's what is happening on a daily basis with Ron. Day before yesterday he was not good at all. He was tied down to his bed because he was pulling out the feeding tube in his nose. He was agitated and looked horrible - he was "out of it". Yesterday he was calm and looked great. He was untied from the restraints on his bed and actually smiled when I told him I loved him. I continue to be baffled by this roller coaster ride. The Lord is in control of every second of our lives and I put my hope and faith in Him. I don't know what to expect next - The Lord has truly shown me how powerless I am over our lives. The power that we all have is to turn our lives over to Jesus Christ. I forget that and think I can make things better, I can try one more suggestion with the nurses or doctors. I can't do anything except the very most important thing - That's going to the Lord in prayer and trusting Him for the results. I know that sometimes unanswered prayer is God's way of answering our prayers. I have learned so much about the Lord through these trials. I have never lost hope - as long as I know the Lord and love Him with all my heart and soul - hope springs eternal.

I can walk through this day and every day doing the best I can to make me an instrument of God's love. I will be unafraid. I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, the world will give to me. The Lord provides love, calm and peace to us when we accept it. I will let my problems go so that the Holy Spirit can operate in my life and my prayers. There's always hope, faith and tomorrow, and the Lord is tomorrow.

Why are thou cast down, O my soul? and why are thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

I hope in God - I shall yet praise him. He hears my prayers and loves me just the way I am. What a perfect and beautiful love that is!!

Cautiously Optimistic

From Sandy -

Well - you'll never guess what happened today to Ron. It is his birthday today. He was born on May 16. God gave him a birthday present. Ron was taken off of the ventilator today and has been breathing on his own. The ventilator was turned off. He is on oxygen, but he is taking every breath with the help of God. I can't believe it. I can only pray to our devine Father that He continues to help Ron breathe on his own. It is a magical thing that has happened. Only Our Lord and Savior could do this. I witnessed a miracle. Yesterday my daughter and I visited Ron and he was being suctioned every half hour - he was not looking good - and we were totally discouraged. In fact we rode the 18 miles home in silence. When I got home I cried like a baby. This morning I opened my Bible and read this verse: Hebriews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". Heprews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him". I read these verses this morning with a heavy heart. I went to the Lord in prayer and told Him that I did have faith in Him. I believe that God can do what I ask. I believe that God's time is not ours - His ways are not ours. He works in ways we cannot see - He will make a way for me. Miracles do happen today as they did in yester year. I know this is a miracle. There may be setbacks, but for some reason I think the Lord waited for His timing and He has become Ron's ventilator. The Lord is working His devine healing on Ron. Praise the Lord. This is such a wonderful thing that has happened today.

I wrote this last night and for some reason I could not post it. Probably God wanted me to wait because Ron is back on the ventilator. I really identify with Job in the Old Testament. I have to be patient and I know that this was a good thing that happened yesterday. He was able to breathe on his own. I have to be honest and tell you I am so disappointed. Even the heros of the Old Testament felt disappointment but the Lord always came through for them. I know that the Lord will come through for us too. I look at Moses, Daniel, David, Abraham, Job - The Lord was always with them and although they were also on a roller coaster ride - The Lord blessed them abundantly. I continue to wait upon the Lord.

Back to the hospital

From Sandy -

Ron was admitted to the hospital again today. This time with a 911 call. He has an infection in the g-tube (where they feed him in the stomach), he has pneumonia, and he has a bladder infection. They rushed him to the hospital because he was running a high fever, his blood pressure was out of control and he was having difficulty breathing. When I left the hospital at 12:30 a.m., he was much better but still had infections and pneumonia.

I feel sometimes like Job in so many ways. Job went through so much. True, I have not gone through anything like Job did, but I am weary, tired, and tonight I am afraid I am depressed about all of this. Five months is a long time to be on a roller coaster ride that you want to get off of. I continue to pray to the Lord and never give up on hope which is eternal. The Lord has promised me that He will surely bless us. I rest on His word. And, I rest in my bed tonight knowing that the Lord God Almighty has Ron and I under His wing. The brightest victories hide in the darkest places.

I will not despair

From Sandy -

Went to see Ron today. I took him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He ate almost all of it and drank a small carton of milk. He looked healthy and seemed to be doing much better. The G-Tube is looking better too. He is taking an antibiotic for the area around the g-tube and the swelling has gone down - no longer looking as bad as it did on Saturday.

What a ride this roller coaster is. Just when I think things look bleak, everything takes a turn for the better. I have come close to despair - giving up - wanting to run away. Of course I wouldn't do this, but I want life to return to "normal". Right now Ron being sick and in a hospital bed is "normal". My going to see him every day is "normal". Ron breathing on a ventilator is "normal". I have not given up hope that this "normal" will improve. I cannot despair as long as I trust the Lord,. I wait patiently for Him to take action. Well, sometimes not so patiently, but I do wait upon the Lord.

As Psalms 27:14 says -
Be strong and take heart.

Be strong, He has not failed you
In all the past,
and will He go and leave you
to sink at last?
No, He said He will hide you
Beneath His wing;
And sweetly there in safety
You then may sing.