From Sandy -
I find that as I get more comfortable with my situation and less fearful, I spend less time in prayer and reading the bible. I'm not proud of this fact and I know beyond all doubt that the Lord does come first in my life. However, life gets in the way and I allow it to happen. It's at these times when I hear a voice tell me - what's more important? - Cleaning your room and making that phone call or first spending time with the Lord to start the whole day off in the right way.
Since my surgery I am ashamed to admit that I sleep until 10:00 a.m. most mornings. Getting up this late means that 1/5 of the day is gone and I haven't even started it yet. I know that I have to discipline myself to spend time with God before I do anything. It's a gift from God to start the day off with him by my side. I always like to pray "Hello God, this is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". Sometimes my prayers are like a grocery list. I pray for my kids, my husband, my sister and her family, my friends, and of course my dogs, cats, and horses. Then I pray for my country, finances, forgiveness and myself. First and foremost God needs to hear our love and praise for him. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in me and my family that I forget to thank him for the very precious gifts he has given me. He has blessed me in a very special way in 2010 which has been a very trying year for me. Without these trials, I wouldn't feel as close to him as I do now. This year has sucked and I won't paint a rosy picture of what I've gone through but the Lord was with me and enabled this weak, scared and paranoid woman to get through the toughest of times - at least the toughest times I've ever faced.
I just wanted to share that when I spend time with the Lord, the day goes better. The line "Things go better with Coke" I've changed to "Things go better with God".
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Colon surgery progress
From Sandy -
Just a short note to let everyone know I am doing well. The surgeon did remind me I had a "major surgery" and sometimes my body tells me that. I still get light headed when I first get up from sitting and I get tired after performing any kind of task, but at least I can get things done and feel like I am accomplishing something.
Yesterday I cleaned my living room and dining room. I hosed the deck around our pool and cleaned our patio. Besides doing that I was able to prepare dinner, clean up the kitchen, walk the dogs, and give the horses their last feeding for the day. Needless to say I was exhausted when my head hit the pillow, but I was so tired I couldn't fall asleep right away. Today I cleaned horse corrals (which I shouldn't have done because it tired me out way too much). I helped my daughter pack up her house because it is being tented for termites. I also prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, walked the dogs and fed the horses. I am tired right now I can tell you for sure. However, my body is allowing me to get these things done and I am so greatful to the Lord for healing me in such a way that I almost (not quite) feel normal again. I can't stand to lie around or sit around doing nothing, so I am so happy that I can do most of the things I did before. I still can't lift anything heavy, but I can lift more than I could two weeks ago.
It's just such a relief not to have this major surgery hanging over my head. I dreaded it and feared it and now I am so eternally happy and praise the Lord for giving me back "me". The worst thing about this whole process was fear. It just goes to show that the greatest thing to fear is fear itself. I have found peace of mind and it is such a blessing. This is also one of the precious gifts of God.
Just a short note to let everyone know I am doing well. The surgeon did remind me I had a "major surgery" and sometimes my body tells me that. I still get light headed when I first get up from sitting and I get tired after performing any kind of task, but at least I can get things done and feel like I am accomplishing something.
Yesterday I cleaned my living room and dining room. I hosed the deck around our pool and cleaned our patio. Besides doing that I was able to prepare dinner, clean up the kitchen, walk the dogs, and give the horses their last feeding for the day. Needless to say I was exhausted when my head hit the pillow, but I was so tired I couldn't fall asleep right away. Today I cleaned horse corrals (which I shouldn't have done because it tired me out way too much). I helped my daughter pack up her house because it is being tented for termites. I also prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, walked the dogs and fed the horses. I am tired right now I can tell you for sure. However, my body is allowing me to get these things done and I am so greatful to the Lord for healing me in such a way that I almost (not quite) feel normal again. I can't stand to lie around or sit around doing nothing, so I am so happy that I can do most of the things I did before. I still can't lift anything heavy, but I can lift more than I could two weeks ago.
It's just such a relief not to have this major surgery hanging over my head. I dreaded it and feared it and now I am so eternally happy and praise the Lord for giving me back "me". The worst thing about this whole process was fear. It just goes to show that the greatest thing to fear is fear itself. I have found peace of mind and it is such a blessing. This is also one of the precious gifts of God.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Thank you!
Dear friends,
I'm at a loss for words. I have felt bad, because I haven't been been writing to you. I want to thank you for all of your kind words and prayers along the way. I am getting through the day with God's help. I know He is hearing your prayers.
Thank you!
May the Lord bless each of you!
Susan
I'm at a loss for words. I have felt bad, because I haven't been been writing to you. I want to thank you for all of your kind words and prayers along the way. I am getting through the day with God's help. I know He is hearing your prayers.
Thank you!
May the Lord bless each of you!
Susan
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
My appointment
From Sandy -
I did see the surgeon today. Everything looks good and is healing. However, he wants me to gain weight before my second surgery. I am trying to eat everything in sight, but I can't gain any weight. At least I haven't lost anymore weight. I am drinking Ensure and will drink even more of it. I drank down a large milkshake yesterday. Tonight I ate until I was so full I almost got sick. I guess the trick is to eat frequently and eat foods high in fat. Wow - never did I think I would have to eat to gain weight. I was called "fatso" in grade school.
Anyway - I am progressing and I see the surgeon in four weeks to schedule my second surgery. I have been so blessed throughout this ordeal. Complications I have had have been minor and I now have a bag that fits to my body and does not come off and leak all over me. I have back aches and I get light headed - but I am getting stronger every day. Agan, I thank the Lord for bringing me through this. The surgeon reminded me when I told him about my weight that I have gone through a very very serious surgery. It's been one month since the surgery and I can't believe how I have progressed. I cannot praise the Lord enough for the strength He has given me to get through this. He is my rock - He is my hope and strength - He is the love of my life!!
I did see the surgeon today. Everything looks good and is healing. However, he wants me to gain weight before my second surgery. I am trying to eat everything in sight, but I can't gain any weight. At least I haven't lost anymore weight. I am drinking Ensure and will drink even more of it. I drank down a large milkshake yesterday. Tonight I ate until I was so full I almost got sick. I guess the trick is to eat frequently and eat foods high in fat. Wow - never did I think I would have to eat to gain weight. I was called "fatso" in grade school.
Anyway - I am progressing and I see the surgeon in four weeks to schedule my second surgery. I have been so blessed throughout this ordeal. Complications I have had have been minor and I now have a bag that fits to my body and does not come off and leak all over me. I have back aches and I get light headed - but I am getting stronger every day. Agan, I thank the Lord for bringing me through this. The surgeon reminded me when I told him about my weight that I have gone through a very very serious surgery. It's been one month since the surgery and I can't believe how I have progressed. I cannot praise the Lord enough for the strength He has given me to get through this. He is my rock - He is my hope and strength - He is the love of my life!!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Seeing the surgeon
From Sandy -
Tomorrow, Sept. 28 I have an appointment to see the surgeon. I am anxious to see what he has to say because I still have a second surgery facing me and I will be having my j-pouch connected so I can be "normal" again. I won't mind saying goodbye to this bag - that's for sure. I just hope and pray that everything works out during the second surgery and that it will be successful.
It has been a long and weary road to this point but I know I am feeling so much better in three different ways.
Number 1 is spiritually. God and I have drawn much much closer during this time and I know that no matter what I go through He is always with me. I can call upon Him at any time and He answers. I have felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me when I was so desperate and so frightened. I have touched the hem of His robe and felt His healing power go out to me. I am never alone.
Number 2 is mentally. I have read how depression takes over anyone in my circumstance. I have had a little depression but nothing like others I have read about on the internet. I was mentally ready for the first surgery and am preparing myself to be mentally ready for the second one. I thank the Lord I have not had alot of depression. My mental picture of myself is the same as before the surgery - even with a bag!!!
Number 3 is physically. I am feeling stronger day by day. I am able to do some things in my home and vacuumed my whole house. Admittedly I probably should not have done the "whole" house, but I did and although I was exhausted I felt good about it. I am walking the dogs in the evening and enjoying much of the life I had before the surgery. I thank the Good Lord for gifting me with a body that is "on the mend" and getting better all the time. Just as God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He is knitting me back together after the surgery.
I will share with you what the surgeon tells me after my appointment tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Sept. 28 I have an appointment to see the surgeon. I am anxious to see what he has to say because I still have a second surgery facing me and I will be having my j-pouch connected so I can be "normal" again. I won't mind saying goodbye to this bag - that's for sure. I just hope and pray that everything works out during the second surgery and that it will be successful.
It has been a long and weary road to this point but I know I am feeling so much better in three different ways.
Number 1 is spiritually. God and I have drawn much much closer during this time and I know that no matter what I go through He is always with me. I can call upon Him at any time and He answers. I have felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me when I was so desperate and so frightened. I have touched the hem of His robe and felt His healing power go out to me. I am never alone.
Number 2 is mentally. I have read how depression takes over anyone in my circumstance. I have had a little depression but nothing like others I have read about on the internet. I was mentally ready for the first surgery and am preparing myself to be mentally ready for the second one. I thank the Lord I have not had alot of depression. My mental picture of myself is the same as before the surgery - even with a bag!!!
Number 3 is physically. I am feeling stronger day by day. I am able to do some things in my home and vacuumed my whole house. Admittedly I probably should not have done the "whole" house, but I did and although I was exhausted I felt good about it. I am walking the dogs in the evening and enjoying much of the life I had before the surgery. I thank the Good Lord for gifting me with a body that is "on the mend" and getting better all the time. Just as God knit me together in my Mother's womb, He is knitting me back together after the surgery.
I will share with you what the surgeon tells me after my appointment tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Update on post surgery
From Sandy -
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am finally beginning to feel better. I feel stronger and my appetite is definitely coming back. I have been so fortunate in my life to have always been so healthy. The only illness I would get every year is bronchitis. Other than that - no sick days. So, it's been really really hard for me to lay around and rest. Even in sickness I am able to get myself going. But, this has been different. I have felt so weak and tired that there's no way I could do anything. It means so much to me that I am feeling better. I've tried not to pity myself and just sit down and cry over the whole situation. I have only cried once - that was when every bag I put on leaked through my clothes and all over me. This happened several times and I must admit I was about ready to give up completely. However, thanks to a wonderful ostomy nurse at Kaiser, we have found a different bag that fits better and so far it is working pretty good. I feel more comfortable going out of the house and have gone to the store and even attended church on Sunday.
Thank God I was in good health before this surgery because it has taken alot out of me. I can't wait to get my life back and be able to get out and do things with no worries about bags. I know that this is in the future for me and I cannot wait. I do know that God has a way of getting our attention. Before this happened to me, I didn't make much time for the Lord. I said my prayers every day and then went on my merry way busying myself with my home, our animals, friends, the yard, etc. etc. Since I have not been able to do all these things, I have spent time with God and He has not let me down. I know He is seeing me through every second of this and He will in His own perfect way knit my broken body back together. I can feel the reconstruction going on right now. I thank the Lord that He has been with me through this. It has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with and without the Lord, I would frankly not be very well off. I know He is the Great Physician and He is healing me.
Sometimes I have to admit, I wonder why I ever had this surgery done. I could have taken my chances and gotten a colonoscopy every two years. I could have never developed cancer, or on the other hand I could have developed cancer throughout my colon which could have spread to other parts of my body. I just didn't want to gamble with my life. I am positive I needed to get this done and I know that I am progressing in my recovery. I am so greatful that I never had to face one minute of this alone. Jesus was with me as they wheeled me into the operating room. He guided the surgeons hands and brought me back safe and sound.
I still have to go through the second surgery and I'm not sure when that will happen. I see the surgeon next Tuesday and hope he can give me a date. I also have to have him check my abdomen. My belly button is oozing a watery yellow liquid and the nurse seems to think it's from stitches inside my abdomen. It hurts sometimes and is a concern, so I hope to get it resolved with the doctor's visit.
Throughout this ordeal, I remain covered by the arms of Jesus and know He will see me through this successfully.
I am so thankful to the Lord that I am finally beginning to feel better. I feel stronger and my appetite is definitely coming back. I have been so fortunate in my life to have always been so healthy. The only illness I would get every year is bronchitis. Other than that - no sick days. So, it's been really really hard for me to lay around and rest. Even in sickness I am able to get myself going. But, this has been different. I have felt so weak and tired that there's no way I could do anything. It means so much to me that I am feeling better. I've tried not to pity myself and just sit down and cry over the whole situation. I have only cried once - that was when every bag I put on leaked through my clothes and all over me. This happened several times and I must admit I was about ready to give up completely. However, thanks to a wonderful ostomy nurse at Kaiser, we have found a different bag that fits better and so far it is working pretty good. I feel more comfortable going out of the house and have gone to the store and even attended church on Sunday.
Thank God I was in good health before this surgery because it has taken alot out of me. I can't wait to get my life back and be able to get out and do things with no worries about bags. I know that this is in the future for me and I cannot wait. I do know that God has a way of getting our attention. Before this happened to me, I didn't make much time for the Lord. I said my prayers every day and then went on my merry way busying myself with my home, our animals, friends, the yard, etc. etc. Since I have not been able to do all these things, I have spent time with God and He has not let me down. I know He is seeing me through every second of this and He will in His own perfect way knit my broken body back together. I can feel the reconstruction going on right now. I thank the Lord that He has been with me through this. It has been the hardest thing in my life to deal with and without the Lord, I would frankly not be very well off. I know He is the Great Physician and He is healing me.
Sometimes I have to admit, I wonder why I ever had this surgery done. I could have taken my chances and gotten a colonoscopy every two years. I could have never developed cancer, or on the other hand I could have developed cancer throughout my colon which could have spread to other parts of my body. I just didn't want to gamble with my life. I am positive I needed to get this done and I know that I am progressing in my recovery. I am so greatful that I never had to face one minute of this alone. Jesus was with me as they wheeled me into the operating room. He guided the surgeons hands and brought me back safe and sound.
I still have to go through the second surgery and I'm not sure when that will happen. I see the surgeon next Tuesday and hope he can give me a date. I also have to have him check my abdomen. My belly button is oozing a watery yellow liquid and the nurse seems to think it's from stitches inside my abdomen. It hurts sometimes and is a concern, so I hope to get it resolved with the doctor's visit.
Throughout this ordeal, I remain covered by the arms of Jesus and know He will see me through this successfully.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
One day at a time
From Sandy-
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have heard from Susan. She is coping and still making arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to send prayers her way.
I will try to post here at least twice a week until Susan can make it back. Right now she is trying to arrange the funeral and take care of other things.
I am coping with this bag - but I must admit there are times when I get nauseous just looking at it. I know it is temporary and there are people who live with a colostomy bag on a daily basis. Right now I am taking everything one day at a time. I face another surgery but have lost lots of weight. I can't have the surgery to connect the j-pouch until I gain some weight. I went to my favorite restaurant today - PF Changs. I ate like a pig and hopefully will gain back some of the pounds I have lost. I drink Ensure and am starting to drink lots of milk (which I never drink). The more I eat the stronger I feel. I ate Lo Mein noodles at PF Changs and they are supposed to be high in calories. They tasted so good although I had to avoid the celery and mushrooms - both of which I also love but could clog the stoma. My appetite is totally out of whack. Anything that I have in the house does not taste good. However, when I eat out - I can pack it away. I did feel better after pigging out at PF Changs.
I can't believe that I have a problem of weighing too little. I have always had a wonderful appetite and all kinds of food has tasted good to me. My weight fluctuates and I have "never" been too thin before - believe me. It's so wierd for the nurse to tell me I have to eat food high in fat. Yesterday I ate a hamburger and cheese potato soup. I am trying hard to get some of this weight back. It's not as fun as you would think. I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I am not hungry.
I find that I have to take this whole process just one day at a time. My life has changed pretty drastically and there's only so much you can handle in one day. The Lord is helping me fight off depression. It's easy to get depressed when you can't go anywhere and do the things you are used to doing. It's only been three weeks and already I am going nuts. I am not one to lie around and watch tv or even read. I am a person who likes to be active and get alot of things done. Now I have to sit and watch the lady that cleans my house do the things I have always been so capable of doing until now. God is teaching me patience through all of this. I have always been short on patience with anyone else and now I have to be patient with myself. Again, I only have to do this one day at a time. I know that the Lord is healing me one day at a time.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I have heard from Susan. She is coping and still making arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to send prayers her way.
I will try to post here at least twice a week until Susan can make it back. Right now she is trying to arrange the funeral and take care of other things.
I am coping with this bag - but I must admit there are times when I get nauseous just looking at it. I know it is temporary and there are people who live with a colostomy bag on a daily basis. Right now I am taking everything one day at a time. I face another surgery but have lost lots of weight. I can't have the surgery to connect the j-pouch until I gain some weight. I went to my favorite restaurant today - PF Changs. I ate like a pig and hopefully will gain back some of the pounds I have lost. I drink Ensure and am starting to drink lots of milk (which I never drink). The more I eat the stronger I feel. I ate Lo Mein noodles at PF Changs and they are supposed to be high in calories. They tasted so good although I had to avoid the celery and mushrooms - both of which I also love but could clog the stoma. My appetite is totally out of whack. Anything that I have in the house does not taste good. However, when I eat out - I can pack it away. I did feel better after pigging out at PF Changs.
I can't believe that I have a problem of weighing too little. I have always had a wonderful appetite and all kinds of food has tasted good to me. My weight fluctuates and I have "never" been too thin before - believe me. It's so wierd for the nurse to tell me I have to eat food high in fat. Yesterday I ate a hamburger and cheese potato soup. I am trying hard to get some of this weight back. It's not as fun as you would think. I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I am not hungry.
I find that I have to take this whole process just one day at a time. My life has changed pretty drastically and there's only so much you can handle in one day. The Lord is helping me fight off depression. It's easy to get depressed when you can't go anywhere and do the things you are used to doing. It's only been three weeks and already I am going nuts. I am not one to lie around and watch tv or even read. I am a person who likes to be active and get alot of things done. Now I have to sit and watch the lady that cleans my house do the things I have always been so capable of doing until now. God is teaching me patience through all of this. I have always been short on patience with anyone else and now I have to be patient with myself. Again, I only have to do this one day at a time. I know that the Lord is healing me one day at a time.
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