Sandy's Surgery

Please keep her in your prayers today. She is having her surgery today.

Thank you for all your prayers. I know the Lord is hearing them!

I am waiting upon the Lord

From Sandy -

Today I am writing this in the wee hours of Thursday Morning. Tomorrow, Friday, I am going to have my surgery. I am certainly not looking forward to it, but I will be so happy just to get it done and go on with my life. May 11 was when I first found out I needed surgery, so this has been a long time coming. I have experienced all kinds of emotions over the past few months. I experienced extreme anxiety and fear yet on the other end of the spectrum I have experienced peace and love. I have always been such a big chicken about everything and when I was told what the surgery would mean to my body, I freaked out completely. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, and my blood pressure went sky high (which only added to my worries). There was no one that could console me at first. I simply was devastated over my situation and depression and fear took a toll on me. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't have much interest in anything. I focused constantly on what was happening and would happen to me.

I was brought up knowing God and have turned to Him many times in my lifetime. But never have I felt so dependent upon him as I have with this "diseased colon". No matter who I talked to about the surgery, I came away with fear and anxiety. Only when I opened my Bible and read God's word did I find peace and serenity. I have never put God first in my life - but believe me He most definitely is #1 in my life now and I know He always will be. His words of comfort and love have not only sustained me but they have changed me. I feel faith growing in me and I trust the Lord like I never have before. I have actually heard Him whisper to me to tell me He would be with me and heal me. He told me that He would knit me back together during surgery and recovery as he first knit me together in my mother's womb. I've never listened for God's still small voice and when I actually heard Him tell me this I was overwhelmed with love for Him and knew He was with me. God does speak to us if we stop and listen. I have always been such a "busy" person - cleaning house, walking dogs, shopping, cooking, gardening, caring for my animals and working. I didn't have the time to put God first over all the busyness that I allowed to clutter my life. I made the time for God when I so desperately needed Him. I have stopped and listened for His voice. To my surprise I have heard Him. As much as I hate to admit it, this surgery is blessing me. What a precious gift I have because I do believe and my faith is growing and my trust is in the Lord God Almighty.

I have turned my body and the loss of my colon over to the Lord. I am waiting upon the Lord to knit me back together because He is the Great Physician. He will do this and I will praise Him for my sufficiency is of God.

Peace be Still

From Sandy -

I read Susan's post and I identify so much with what she has stated. We do have to trust the Lord around every bend. As the lyrics to Carrie Underwood's song "Jesus Take the Wheel" goes:

"Jesus Take The Wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it from me"

I sometimes feel like I'm sitting in a car without a steering wheel and no brakes. It seems like I was traveling down a peaceful and sometimes boring road when the steering wheel and brakes were taken away from me. It's at these times in life when there's no one who can help but the Lord. He alone is with me every second of every day. He alone knows my fears, my hopes, and my dreams - sometimes even before I recognize them. He travels this journey with me and He's always there for me in times of fear and dread. He is my rock, my strength and my fortress. I've had to trust Him and Him alone for my own sanity. I look up into my Savior's beautiful face and see the hope, love and strength that I need to get me through this present trial. I know He will be there during surgery and recovery. He is always with me and I love Him most of all. There's a peace that passes all understanding and He has chosen to bring me that peace.

I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

Our journey right now

While sitting in the hospital by my husband, I read an IN TOUCH article by Dr. Charles F. Stanley. The main topicwas about busyness, which was a good one and at another time would be meant for me.

As I read the article, I realized there were points Dr. Stanley touched on that ministered to me right now. Basically, what I gleened from the article is to live in God's will by surrendering this time to Him and knowing that His plans are always good and perfect.

Dr. Stanley knows that our human tendency is to want to know the entire plan, but that is not God's way. "He says His Word is a lamp to our feet (Ps 119:105), not a searchlight." He also used an example of getting into your car at night, turning on the lights and driving. You drive in the beam without knowing what lies ahead in the darkness. Which is where I am right now.

I'm driving in the dark with Gene, my husband, as my passenger. I'm trying to discern where to take him next. It has been a very bumpy road for us. I've had some major medical decisions, and I've wondered as i drive on if I chose the right roads for him. The lights of my car seemed to dim each time, which has made it harder.

Dr. Stanley says, the Will of God usually comes to us in small increments. After we take one step, He reveals the next. I have truly seen this as I sit at the steering wheel confronted with life or death decisions that need to be made for him almost every other day, and not knowing if my choices were good ones.

I would love to have the search light shining all the way to the end of the journey,and see that Gene will be okay. Herein lies my lesson of learning to trust the Lord around every bend and turn in the dark with my headlights on.

Dr. Stanley says, "One of the greatest advantages of such dependent obedience is the freedom of leaving the consequences to Him. This truly gives me peace.

I have been so caught up with emotion, fear, and trepidation of the unknown that I had forgotten, AGAIN, that

He is in Control!

Susan

Strength and Courage

From Sandy -
I am such a chicken when it comes to hospitals, doctors, biopsies and tests. My daughter is the opposite as she is an RN and has served in a number of departments of the hospital. She actually loves everything about hospitals - which is a good thing seeing that she is a nurse. She does not share my anxiety and fear. Without thinking, she has said things to me that have struck fear in me about my surgery. She would not do this on purpose, but she is a nurse and has spoken to me the truth without sugar coating anything. Sometimes I like the sugar coating in life. When I go for a mammogram or any other procedure, I am always fearful - not really expecting the worst, but hoping that the results will be good.

As the days bring me closer and closer to August 27 (my surgery date) - I find myself sometimes feeling weak and unable to face what the surgery will do to me. I don't want to do it - I can't understand really why I have to put myself through all of this. However, on the other hand I know that I have a potential time bomb that could mean cancer. I have to rid myself of this time bomb - which is my colon.

This is scary. My fear over tests and procedures has brought me to this reality of getting news I didn't want to hear. I've never had surgery before and have always been healthy. It seems like a bad dream and yet I know that I am awake. This is a time for me to be strong and have courage. In the first chapter of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua numerous times to be strong and of good courage. He tells Joshua that as He was with Moses, He will be with Joshua. He told Joshua He would not fail him nor forsake him. He told him to not be afraid , neither be dismayed; for the Lord God would be with him whithersoever he goes. Joshua succeeded Moses (after his death) in leading the people of Israel. God gave Joshua the key to success - meditating on God's word.

This first chapter of Joshua has been such a help to me. I know that in God's word I find the strength and courage to face anything. I am never alone - I may not have a friend to talk to in the wee hours of the morning, but I always have the Lord. He is my strength and courage and He has promised to see me through this ordeal.

I have the Lord to fight my battles. All I have to do is follow His directions for my life and He will do the rest. It's easier said than done, but it's what I plan to do. I will be strong and of good courage because the Lord my God is with me.

These posts of mine are mainly dwelling on my surgery. I do have blessings to count and God is blessing me through this trial. I have friends who are there for me and my church has blessed me and I know that the Lord will knit me back together again.

I know Susan and Gene need our prayers. I have not heard from Susan for a couple of days. I hope and pray that Gene will get better and that God will give Susan strength and peace to get through these hard days.

Trust and faith in the Lord

From Sandy -
I have 11 days until my surgery. I have to admit that sometimes I get so scared as the time passes so quickly. I want to get this over with and yet I think I could wait forever to have this surgery done. I still battle with these two feelings. I keep reading daily scripture and praying on my hands and knees for the Lord to be with me during this time. I have talked to two people that have had this procedure done and they are fine. I know that the Lord brought these people to me. I think what scares me the most is the fear of the unknown. I fear having my body cut into and losing an important part of my body. I fear pain and all that goes with it. I fear the day I walk into the hospital and they put me on a guerney and wheel me into surgery. I fear being at home during recovery and not being able to do things I normally would do for a while.

I am admitting these fears to you and to my Lord and Savior. He knows that I struggle every day with these fears and He provides me with the peace and comfort to get through the day. I have written before that the mornings when I first wake up are the hardest for me. I wake up with all the fears I mentioned in the previous paragraph. I have to literally get down on my hands and knees and pray for the peace and hope and faith to get me through the day. I've never had surgery before and I don't really like hospitals. I have to trust in God to be there with me and hold my hand. Sometimes I look at all these fears as being so self-centered. It's me, me, me all the time. I know I should always be looking up instead of looking down. When David wrote the book of Psalms, he went through so many experiences that I have gone through. God forgives us for our weaknesses and I know He will be there to see me through this "event" in my life.

I appreciate all the prayers. The Lord loves for us to come to Him in prayer and believe me He hears alot from me lately. Please continue to pray for Susan and Gene. The last I heard Gene was in ICU. Susan has a strong relationship with the Lord and I know He is her strength.

I know there are others here that need prayer. I'm new to this so I'm not sure how Susan gets names of people who need prayer or even how you can respond back to someone who has replied to my posts. We just need to pray for everyone here and trust the Lord to see us through the hard times in life.

Here is a prayer to live by - the prayer is not mine, it is from the book "Why me, God" written by Randy Petersen.

"Dear Lord, You know me, inside and out. You know how I'm dealing with this difficulty. You know what I'm doing right and wrong. You know my doubts and questions. You know the extent of my fragile faith.

When I cry myself to sleep, I know you hear me. When I lash out at others because of my own pain, I know you're there, too. And when I kneel before you in repentance and humility, I know you welcome me.

You promised life eternal, overflowing. That's what I want. Is there some way to bring me through these troubles in a way that brims with living? I must admit that sometimes I feel half-dead, but I need your energy flowing through me, your Spirit awakening my spirit. Let me radiate you presence to those around me. Let them see you living in me.

This I pray, in my struggling trust, clinging to the name of Jesus. Amen."

Thank you for your prayers!

I'm sorry that I haven't given many updates. I get up early and stay late with Gene at the hospital. I have never been through a major medical event prior to this. I never fully realized what a toll it takes on the loved one, the family, and yourself. My husband, Gene, had a large stroke. We have been on a nightmare rollercoaster ride. It seems like every day for the last 14 days something major has happened. He had to have bladder surgery, he had a bladder infection, a special filter surgery (sorry I can't remember what it is called) for two blood clots that they found, a feeding tube surgery, and yesterday, double pneumonia.

Yesterday afternoon, I thought he was dying. He was in such misery, I could hardly sit by him and watch him laboring to breathe. I sat praying for him, and I know lots of people are praying for him. In the early evening, he came out of it and was the most alert I've seen him since the stroke! He was smiling, trying to talk, and even got out "Hi kid", when I walked into the room once. It was really a miracle that everyone could see! I'm praying that we have "turned the corner", and he will begin to recover now.

I haven't called yet to see how he is this morning. He is in a rehab hosptial and they don't allow visitors to stay past 9:00 p.m. It is a good thing for the spouse and family. The nurses at the rehab are wonderful, so I have been able to relax a little. I know he is in good hands. I also know the Lord is watching over him. I wish I had time to tell you all the Lord has done to make this journey easier. He has walked ahead of us the whole way.

Please keep praying for Gene. He still needs to pass the "swallow test" so that he can eat on his own. Also, please pray for his recovery of his speech, his right arm, and leg.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and sweet emails. The prayers have been mighty, and the emails have touched my heart to the core.

I miss getting to write or read Sandy's blog. I did just read them, and Sandra you are blessing me through your words. I'm sorry about your chicken. It doesn't sound strange to me at all, I use to have a pet turkey. Hurkey Turkey was an amazing pet too!

I don't know when I will have time to write again. Our kids have had to go back home, so I will be on my own. I pray a blessing from the Lord on all of you!

In Jesus' love,
Susan

Please pray for Gene (healing), Sandy (colon surgery), Miriam (hip surgery), Bonnie (healing), Susan (to keep the joy of the Lord and that it may shine to others)