More from Sandy -
I am really not doing good today. I love animals and as silly as this may sound to some people, my pet chicken "Chicky Chick" died today. She was fine yesterday and she ate and drank last night but today we noticed that she was not able to keep her head up or stand up. I gave her some antibiotics and water, but it was too late. I feel as if I just lost a very good friend. She was always talking to me and she was a beautiful little chicken. She was born here in our back yard and I tried so hard to take care of her. I don't know what happened, but she is gone.
I know the Lord knows when a sparrow falls to the ground and He keeps track of them, so I know He was aware of my little chicken. I'm afraid I have nothing spiritual or uplifting to say right now. I am fighting back tears and I am also crying for myself. It's been one tough year and it has been a struggle. I lost my pot belly pig this year and my colon is being removed and I am just giving in to the losses in my life right now. I look at animals as being able to love and receive love back and that is what I've always tried to do with my animals is love them.
I know that this too shall pass, but for right now I feel devastated. The loss of my pet has brought back all the fear and anxiety that I have been handling pretty well. All I can do is trust in God. I am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
God Bless You
It's me again, Sandy. I'm making this post short but sweet. This was sent to me and I think it is so profound and wise - I wanted to share it with you.
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything!
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything!
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God
Sunday, August 8, 2010
More of Him and less of me
Hi everyone - it's me again, Sandy. I have not heard from Susan but hope and pray that Gene is on the road to recovery and that the Lord is giving Susan the strength and support that she needs at this difficult time.
I have been so busy lately preparing for my surgery. I know I won't be able to lift things or properly take care of my home after the surgery, so I have been cleaning and shopping and trying to get everything in order. I still wake up every morning feeling like a ton of bricks are on my back - but once I kneel and pray, I feel much better and get through the day with a much lighter feeling knowing that God is in charge. I love to start the day with part of my prayer being "Hello God, This is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". I have to turn my colon and body over to Him each morning and this enables me to get through the day with little or no worry about my surgery.
Friends, family and even strangers have been blessing me so much during this time of waiting. I am a people person and love to be around people. It's been hard this past year as the bank where I worked for 14 years was closed down by the FDIC and I miss all the wonderful people that I worked with. I have had to stay at home and have not had the money to do much. I guess the Lord gave me this "down" time to be alone and ponder just who I am and why I'm here inhabiting a small piece of this large world we live in. I have felt lonely and worthless and have gotten really lazy. God in His wonderful way turned my world upside down and He has definitely given me a purpose in this life of mine. Having always been a whiner and a "poor me" type, I do believe I have finally matured. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have to be strong and face this trial head on. I have to be brave for my family and prove to them that the Lord has and will sustain me throughout this period of my life. I honestly feel that the answer to handling all of life's ups and downs is to put God first and everything else including me, second. The more I dwell upon God's word and His love and His promises, the less I dwell on my health and the surgery.
The Lord has given me a precious gift. He has given me Himself. He has always been there throughout all my fears and trepidations, but now I know Him and I truly trust Him. If it were not for this present situation that I find myself in, I would have never felt so close to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I still envision bowing down at his feet and touching the hem of his robe. He looks down at me and lifts me to my feet and tells me "I will heal you".
My growing relationship with the Lord reminds me of the song from The King and I - Getting to Know You -
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you,
getting to like you, getting to know you like me,
Getting to know you, putting it my way but nicely,
You are precisely my cup of tea
Getting to know you, getting to feel free and easy,
When I am with you, getting to know what to say,
Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new things I'm learning about you
Day by day
I hope no one takes offense to this comparison - but I feel so comfortable with the Lord that the words to this song apply so much to my experience with Him. Through the trials and tribulations of life, we really get to know our Heavenly Father and know Him as our Father.
I have been so busy lately preparing for my surgery. I know I won't be able to lift things or properly take care of my home after the surgery, so I have been cleaning and shopping and trying to get everything in order. I still wake up every morning feeling like a ton of bricks are on my back - but once I kneel and pray, I feel much better and get through the day with a much lighter feeling knowing that God is in charge. I love to start the day with part of my prayer being "Hello God, This is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". I have to turn my colon and body over to Him each morning and this enables me to get through the day with little or no worry about my surgery.
Friends, family and even strangers have been blessing me so much during this time of waiting. I am a people person and love to be around people. It's been hard this past year as the bank where I worked for 14 years was closed down by the FDIC and I miss all the wonderful people that I worked with. I have had to stay at home and have not had the money to do much. I guess the Lord gave me this "down" time to be alone and ponder just who I am and why I'm here inhabiting a small piece of this large world we live in. I have felt lonely and worthless and have gotten really lazy. God in His wonderful way turned my world upside down and He has definitely given me a purpose in this life of mine. Having always been a whiner and a "poor me" type, I do believe I have finally matured. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have to be strong and face this trial head on. I have to be brave for my family and prove to them that the Lord has and will sustain me throughout this period of my life. I honestly feel that the answer to handling all of life's ups and downs is to put God first and everything else including me, second. The more I dwell upon God's word and His love and His promises, the less I dwell on my health and the surgery.
The Lord has given me a precious gift. He has given me Himself. He has always been there throughout all my fears and trepidations, but now I know Him and I truly trust Him. If it were not for this present situation that I find myself in, I would have never felt so close to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I still envision bowing down at his feet and touching the hem of his robe. He looks down at me and lifts me to my feet and tells me "I will heal you".
My growing relationship with the Lord reminds me of the song from The King and I - Getting to Know You -
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you,
getting to like you, getting to know you like me,
Getting to know you, putting it my way but nicely,
You are precisely my cup of tea
Getting to know you, getting to feel free and easy,
When I am with you, getting to know what to say,
Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new things I'm learning about you
Day by day
I hope no one takes offense to this comparison - but I feel so comfortable with the Lord that the words to this song apply so much to my experience with Him. Through the trials and tribulations of life, we really get to know our Heavenly Father and know Him as our Father.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Three weeks til surgery
More from Sandy -
First of all I want to let you know that I have heard from Susan. She is waiting for Gene to be moved to a rehabilitation center. She is not home much and not getting alot of sleep, so please keep her and Gene in your prayers.
I just wanted to talk tonight about my surgery. It scares me, but the Lord has assured me He will see me through it and will be with me every step of the way. Last night I sat in front of my computer and cried because I stopped a minute and let self-pity and fear push out the faith and strength that the Lord has provided. I still am wrestling with the fact that "if it's not broke why fix it". Although I know that my colon is not healthy and the Lord led me to this point, being so very human, I keep thinking "what if there's nothing wrong and they take out a part of my body that is o.k." It would actually be easier to accept the surgery if I had pain, or something "not right" with my bodily functions - but this is not the case. Then I have to stop and tell myself that my life is being saved because the Lord led me to the colonoscopy. He knew that I would never have had one done and had refused to have one done 14 years ago when it was suggested to me by my doctor.
I think about how this surgery will change my life and I get fearful. I have been eating everything and anything lately because I know that I won't be able to after surgery. Every once in a while I say goodbye to my colon. This in itself makes me feel sad, but it's diseased and it has to go. I'm just telling it like it is tonight. My feelings have gone all over the place. However (and this is a big huge HOWEVER) I am amazed that I am handling all of this as well as I have for the majority of the time. Being the anxiety ridden person that I am, I have always worried about lumps and pain and imagined the worst. I have actually made myself sick in the past over worry. I can't pat myself on the back for feeling halfway normal at this point - I know the Lord has given me serenity and peace of mind. I slip back to fear every once in a while, and that's when I pick up one of my little books on daily scripture or the Bible and it sets me right back on track again. I get scared sometimes from what people say. My own daughter talked to me about pain after the surgery and that was a set-back. Another set-back this week was when I received a phone call from the hospital's Genetics Dept. concerning my blood test for a cancer gene - the results are not back yet. I have to add here that I know I don't carry that gene - I feel it in my inner most being and know this is coming from God. But when I get fearful and self-centered all thoughts of the Lord get driven out and replaced with anxiety, fear and depression. That's when I stop everything and run to the Lord.
Today I had lunch with a good friend that has had four colon surgeries. She has been such a blessing and has shared so much with me. I thank the Lord for her. She has a friend that had the same surgery done a year ago and she is going to provide me with his phone number because he will share with me all about his "j-pouch". I am grateful for the people that the Lord is putting in my life right now and I know that He is loving me and helping me through them.
First of all I want to let you know that I have heard from Susan. She is waiting for Gene to be moved to a rehabilitation center. She is not home much and not getting alot of sleep, so please keep her and Gene in your prayers.
I just wanted to talk tonight about my surgery. It scares me, but the Lord has assured me He will see me through it and will be with me every step of the way. Last night I sat in front of my computer and cried because I stopped a minute and let self-pity and fear push out the faith and strength that the Lord has provided. I still am wrestling with the fact that "if it's not broke why fix it". Although I know that my colon is not healthy and the Lord led me to this point, being so very human, I keep thinking "what if there's nothing wrong and they take out a part of my body that is o.k." It would actually be easier to accept the surgery if I had pain, or something "not right" with my bodily functions - but this is not the case. Then I have to stop and tell myself that my life is being saved because the Lord led me to the colonoscopy. He knew that I would never have had one done and had refused to have one done 14 years ago when it was suggested to me by my doctor.
I think about how this surgery will change my life and I get fearful. I have been eating everything and anything lately because I know that I won't be able to after surgery. Every once in a while I say goodbye to my colon. This in itself makes me feel sad, but it's diseased and it has to go. I'm just telling it like it is tonight. My feelings have gone all over the place. However (and this is a big huge HOWEVER) I am amazed that I am handling all of this as well as I have for the majority of the time. Being the anxiety ridden person that I am, I have always worried about lumps and pain and imagined the worst. I have actually made myself sick in the past over worry. I can't pat myself on the back for feeling halfway normal at this point - I know the Lord has given me serenity and peace of mind. I slip back to fear every once in a while, and that's when I pick up one of my little books on daily scripture or the Bible and it sets me right back on track again. I get scared sometimes from what people say. My own daughter talked to me about pain after the surgery and that was a set-back. Another set-back this week was when I received a phone call from the hospital's Genetics Dept. concerning my blood test for a cancer gene - the results are not back yet. I have to add here that I know I don't carry that gene - I feel it in my inner most being and know this is coming from God. But when I get fearful and self-centered all thoughts of the Lord get driven out and replaced with anxiety, fear and depression. That's when I stop everything and run to the Lord.
Today I had lunch with a good friend that has had four colon surgeries. She has been such a blessing and has shared so much with me. I thank the Lord for her. She has a friend that had the same surgery done a year ago and she is going to provide me with his phone number because he will share with me all about his "j-pouch". I am grateful for the people that the Lord is putting in my life right now and I know that He is loving me and helping me through them.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Waiting and Patience
Again, I am filling in for Susan. I just wanted to share my experience with Patience and Waiting. Since May 11 I have known that I would have to have surgery. I didn't know at that time how extensive, but the doctor told me when I awoke after the colonoscopy that I would have to have surgery. I have never been a patient person and I hate to wait. I hate to wait for a red light to turn green and I hate to wait for vacations or holidays. When I want something or feel I need something - I want it right now. I lack the patience to wait for anything. I become impatient with people whom I think are acting or reacting too slow. I am impatient to get things done. When I am given a job to do - I want it done now and I start right away. When I was in school, I always got my homework completed as soon as I got it and term papers or special projects were also completed as soon as possible. So, the waiting for my surgery has been a test of patience. In a way I think I could wait forever for this surgery and yet I want it over and done with. I have always asked God for more patience and isn't it funny how God teaches me this lesson. He has put an event in my life that I dread and yet I want to get it over with. This dilemma is teaching me more about God's timing - not mine. The whole situation has taught me to turn it all over to God with faith and trust in Him. I still marvel at the "normal" life I am living daily in spite of the looming surgery. This serenity and peace of mind is from Him. He knew that I needed time to ponder the whole situation to be able to accept it. How Great is our God. I can't begin to express the love I have for Him and the gratitude I have for the valuable lessons He has taught me just through this one trial in my life. I am so grateful for two wonderful parents who raised me up to know the Lord. I have always lived with Him and loved Him - but not like I do today. He is my world and I praise him. There are times at night or in the wee hours of the morning when I am all alone and afraid - but not alone because I have the Lord with me and who better to whisper words of comfort and hope to me than the Lord. I am still learning to wait upon the Lord and I cast all my care upon Him - for he cares for me.
Monday, August 2, 2010
JUST BELIEVE
Hi everyone - Susan has asked me to blog while she is with Gene. We all need to keep them in our prayers.
I found out the date for my surgery. It will be Friday, August 27. It's so hard to imagine that I have to have my colon removed when I feel so healthy. I feel energetic and I have absolutely no problems from all the polyps that are in my colon. However, I know that God led me to this point and I know that He wants me around for a little longer. The events that happened to lead me to the colonoscopy were from Him. I will have a new beginning and I trust the Lord now more than I ever have. At first it was the scariest thing I've ever faced, but the Lord has given me the time and patience to work it out in my mind and I am almost at peace with the surgery. I know that Jesus will be holding my hand and I picture bending down at his feet to touch his robe and being healed. He constantly tells me "Be not afraid - just believe". I cannot tell you what peace this brings to my soul. I find that dwelling on the Lord and taking me eyes off of me helps in ways beyond understanding. The peace of mind that has come to me lately is a gift from God.
I sat down Saturday morning and listed all the things that God has blessed me with. It was a beautiful experience to see how he has been there and "fixed" things for me the past few months. Although I have been through the fire, He has been there to keep me from harm. He has blessed my daughter with no polyps - she just had a colonoscopy because of me. He has blessed my sister with no polyps - she as well had a colonoscopy because of me. He healed my puppy's broken leg and he has provided for my husband and I financially. I am truly blessed and I know He will continue to bless me through the surgery and healing process. All I have to do is "just believe".
I know I am weak, but He is strong - yes, Jesus loves me.
Please pray for Gene's healing and strength and rest for Susan
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Miriam's healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14
Sandy's healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter
I found out the date for my surgery. It will be Friday, August 27. It's so hard to imagine that I have to have my colon removed when I feel so healthy. I feel energetic and I have absolutely no problems from all the polyps that are in my colon. However, I know that God led me to this point and I know that He wants me around for a little longer. The events that happened to lead me to the colonoscopy were from Him. I will have a new beginning and I trust the Lord now more than I ever have. At first it was the scariest thing I've ever faced, but the Lord has given me the time and patience to work it out in my mind and I am almost at peace with the surgery. I know that Jesus will be holding my hand and I picture bending down at his feet to touch his robe and being healed. He constantly tells me "Be not afraid - just believe". I cannot tell you what peace this brings to my soul. I find that dwelling on the Lord and taking me eyes off of me helps in ways beyond understanding. The peace of mind that has come to me lately is a gift from God.
I sat down Saturday morning and listed all the things that God has blessed me with. It was a beautiful experience to see how he has been there and "fixed" things for me the past few months. Although I have been through the fire, He has been there to keep me from harm. He has blessed my daughter with no polyps - she just had a colonoscopy because of me. He has blessed my sister with no polyps - she as well had a colonoscopy because of me. He healed my puppy's broken leg and he has provided for my husband and I financially. I am truly blessed and I know He will continue to bless me through the surgery and healing process. All I have to do is "just believe".
I know I am weak, but He is strong - yes, Jesus loves me.
Please pray for Gene's healing and strength and rest for Susan
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Miriam's healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14
Sandy's healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter
Thank you!
Dear Friends,
Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write more to you all. Gene’s kids and mine have all been here trying to help, but I just haven’t felt like I can leave Gene’s bedside for long. The kids have been sitting with him the last two nights so I could get some sleep in my own bed. Trying to sleep in a chair is almost impossible! I’m so tired, that I just come home, try to read your sweet emails and comments, and then I plop into bed!
I’m really not sure what Gene’s recovery is going to be yet. They found some bleeding in the brain. We are told this is normal, but not good if it continues. He is looking so much better and is stronger. He is saying some words. He is very frustrated. (One can only imagine.) The physical therapists worked with him yesterday and were amazed that he could stand up with them. They seemed very optimistic for the rehab of his right side which is affected.
Today he needs to pass the swallow test, so he can eat and drink. Please pray that he will pass it. He let me know he is starving, the poor guy.
Please pray for me to be strong. It is tearing my heart out to see him like this. I know there is hope, as I have heard from friends who know of friends or family who had the same issues and are doing great! I know the Lord hears our prayers.
I’m learning this is really a day by day experience. I will write when I have time. I have to write from my home computer.
Gene was in really good spirits yesterday. It was wonderful to see him smiling and even laughing. It felt so good for both of us.
I know the Lord has a plan, and I know He is in Control.
Please pray that I keep that in my heart and soul!
Thank you so much!
Susan
Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write more to you all. Gene’s kids and mine have all been here trying to help, but I just haven’t felt like I can leave Gene’s bedside for long. The kids have been sitting with him the last two nights so I could get some sleep in my own bed. Trying to sleep in a chair is almost impossible! I’m so tired, that I just come home, try to read your sweet emails and comments, and then I plop into bed!
I’m really not sure what Gene’s recovery is going to be yet. They found some bleeding in the brain. We are told this is normal, but not good if it continues. He is looking so much better and is stronger. He is saying some words. He is very frustrated. (One can only imagine.) The physical therapists worked with him yesterday and were amazed that he could stand up with them. They seemed very optimistic for the rehab of his right side which is affected.
Today he needs to pass the swallow test, so he can eat and drink. Please pray that he will pass it. He let me know he is starving, the poor guy.
Please pray for me to be strong. It is tearing my heart out to see him like this. I know there is hope, as I have heard from friends who know of friends or family who had the same issues and are doing great! I know the Lord hears our prayers.
I’m learning this is really a day by day experience. I will write when I have time. I have to write from my home computer.
Gene was in really good spirits yesterday. It was wonderful to see him smiling and even laughing. It felt so good for both of us.
I know the Lord has a plan, and I know He is in Control.
Please pray that I keep that in my heart and soul!
Thank you so much!
Susan
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