Saturday, June 30, 2012

Finding life after losing a loved one

I am finding myself feeling lost and oh so alone at times since the passing of my husband.  Having shared my life with him for 44 years, it is hard to think of making decisions and carrying on without him.  Yet, this I must do.  I have life to live and I know that the Lord wants me to use the years I have left to experience life, but most of all love and be loved.

I find that when I spend time alone during the day, my mind goes all over the place and thoughts of grief take over.  I know it is important to grieve, but it's not good to let the grief consume you.  I have given in to grief to the point that I almost break down mentally and am not able to cope with everyday life.  Therefore, I have sought out counseling and am planning to volunteer somewhere just to be able to adjust to the loss in my life.

The counselor suggested writing Ron a letter to express my feelings and how I miss him.  I plan to do this soon.  I know that by volunteering I can give back to those who are going through their own pain and grief.  I am planning to volunteer in a hospital since I know from experience the suffering that goes on there. 

I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends.  They are a constant source of strength for my ability to cope.  However, the greatest light through this darkness of grief has been my faith in Jesus Christ my Savior.  I realize that I am never alone and He is always here with me.  I know that brighter days are ahead and until they come the Lord will be my comfort, my strength, my fortress.  When brigthter days appear on the horizon, Jesus will not leave me.  He will be with me through the light as well as the darkness.  He has been and will always be my light in the darkness. 

Whether you believe as I do or  not, there is so much relief in knowing that a Higher Power is watching over you.  His love is out there for everyone and I cannot put into words the peace and serenity that comes over me when I am drawn back to the source of my life. That source for me is the Lord and I know that He loves me unconditionally and will never leave me or forsake me.

I remain in His care and through Him will find the peace that passes all understanding.