Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sandy Update

I talked to Sandra's sister. Her surgery was five hours long. The surgery was successful. She is doing well.

Thank you Jesus!

Please continue to pray for Gene. He is doing better in being weaned off of the ventillator. I know the Lord is hearing your prayers for Gene and for Sandra's continued recovery.

Miriam had a successful hip surgery and is beginning her physical therapy.

Bonnie still needs our prayers for healing of the tumor.

I hope to get back to blogging again, when Gene is better and back home. I'm still trying to be with him each day, so he doesn't feel alone. Though we have had our problems, when your spouse is in such pain and suffering you really realize how much you love them.

Thank you so much for your prayers, Susan

Friday, August 27, 2010

Sandy's Surgery

Please keep her in your prayers today. She is having her surgery today.

Thank you for all your prayers. I know the Lord is hearing them!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I am waiting upon the Lord

From Sandy -

Today I am writing this in the wee hours of Thursday Morning. Tomorrow, Friday, I am going to have my surgery. I am certainly not looking forward to it, but I will be so happy just to get it done and go on with my life. May 11 was when I first found out I needed surgery, so this has been a long time coming. I have experienced all kinds of emotions over the past few months. I experienced extreme anxiety and fear yet on the other end of the spectrum I have experienced peace and love. I have always been such a big chicken about everything and when I was told what the surgery would mean to my body, I freaked out completely. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, and my blood pressure went sky high (which only added to my worries). There was no one that could console me at first. I simply was devastated over my situation and depression and fear took a toll on me. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't have much interest in anything. I focused constantly on what was happening and would happen to me.

I was brought up knowing God and have turned to Him many times in my lifetime. But never have I felt so dependent upon him as I have with this "diseased colon". No matter who I talked to about the surgery, I came away with fear and anxiety. Only when I opened my Bible and read God's word did I find peace and serenity. I have never put God first in my life - but believe me He most definitely is #1 in my life now and I know He always will be. His words of comfort and love have not only sustained me but they have changed me. I feel faith growing in me and I trust the Lord like I never have before. I have actually heard Him whisper to me to tell me He would be with me and heal me. He told me that He would knit me back together during surgery and recovery as he first knit me together in my mother's womb. I've never listened for God's still small voice and when I actually heard Him tell me this I was overwhelmed with love for Him and knew He was with me. God does speak to us if we stop and listen. I have always been such a "busy" person - cleaning house, walking dogs, shopping, cooking, gardening, caring for my animals and working. I didn't have the time to put God first over all the busyness that I allowed to clutter my life. I made the time for God when I so desperately needed Him. I have stopped and listened for His voice. To my surprise I have heard Him. As much as I hate to admit it, this surgery is blessing me. What a precious gift I have because I do believe and my faith is growing and my trust is in the Lord God Almighty.

I have turned my body and the loss of my colon over to the Lord. I am waiting upon the Lord to knit me back together because He is the Great Physician. He will do this and I will praise Him for my sufficiency is of God.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Peace be Still

From Sandy -

I read Susan's post and I identify so much with what she has stated. We do have to trust the Lord around every bend. As the lyrics to Carrie Underwood's song "Jesus Take the Wheel" goes:

"Jesus Take The Wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh take it from me"

I sometimes feel like I'm sitting in a car without a steering wheel and no brakes. It seems like I was traveling down a peaceful and sometimes boring road when the steering wheel and brakes were taken away from me. It's at these times in life when there's no one who can help but the Lord. He alone is with me every second of every day. He alone knows my fears, my hopes, and my dreams - sometimes even before I recognize them. He travels this journey with me and He's always there for me in times of fear and dread. He is my rock, my strength and my fortress. I've had to trust Him and Him alone for my own sanity. I look up into my Savior's beautiful face and see the hope, love and strength that I need to get me through this present trial. I know He will be there during surgery and recovery. He is always with me and I love Him most of all. There's a peace that passes all understanding and He has chosen to bring me that peace.

I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

Friday, August 20, 2010

Our journey right now

While sitting in the hospital by my husband, I read an IN TOUCH article by Dr. Charles F. Stanley. The main topicwas about busyness, which was a good one and at another time would be meant for me.

As I read the article, I realized there were points Dr. Stanley touched on that ministered to me right now. Basically, what I gleened from the article is to live in God's will by surrendering this time to Him and knowing that His plans are always good and perfect.

Dr. Stanley knows that our human tendency is to want to know the entire plan, but that is not God's way. "He says His Word is a lamp to our feet (Ps 119:105), not a searchlight." He also used an example of getting into your car at night, turning on the lights and driving. You drive in the beam without knowing what lies ahead in the darkness. Which is where I am right now.

I'm driving in the dark with Gene, my husband, as my passenger. I'm trying to discern where to take him next. It has been a very bumpy road for us. I've had some major medical decisions, and I've wondered as i drive on if I chose the right roads for him. The lights of my car seemed to dim each time, which has made it harder.

Dr. Stanley says, the Will of God usually comes to us in small increments. After we take one step, He reveals the next. I have truly seen this as I sit at the steering wheel confronted with life or death decisions that need to be made for him almost every other day, and not knowing if my choices were good ones.

I would love to have the search light shining all the way to the end of the journey,and see that Gene will be okay. Herein lies my lesson of learning to trust the Lord around every bend and turn in the dark with my headlights on.

Dr. Stanley says, "One of the greatest advantages of such dependent obedience is the freedom of leaving the consequences to Him. This truly gives me peace.

I have been so caught up with emotion, fear, and trepidation of the unknown that I had forgotten, AGAIN, that

He is in Control!

Susan

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Strength and Courage

From Sandy -
I am such a chicken when it comes to hospitals, doctors, biopsies and tests. My daughter is the opposite as she is an RN and has served in a number of departments of the hospital. She actually loves everything about hospitals - which is a good thing seeing that she is a nurse. She does not share my anxiety and fear. Without thinking, she has said things to me that have struck fear in me about my surgery. She would not do this on purpose, but she is a nurse and has spoken to me the truth without sugar coating anything. Sometimes I like the sugar coating in life. When I go for a mammogram or any other procedure, I am always fearful - not really expecting the worst, but hoping that the results will be good.

As the days bring me closer and closer to August 27 (my surgery date) - I find myself sometimes feeling weak and unable to face what the surgery will do to me. I don't want to do it - I can't understand really why I have to put myself through all of this. However, on the other hand I know that I have a potential time bomb that could mean cancer. I have to rid myself of this time bomb - which is my colon.

This is scary. My fear over tests and procedures has brought me to this reality of getting news I didn't want to hear. I've never had surgery before and have always been healthy. It seems like a bad dream and yet I know that I am awake. This is a time for me to be strong and have courage. In the first chapter of the book of Joshua, God tells Joshua numerous times to be strong and of good courage. He tells Joshua that as He was with Moses, He will be with Joshua. He told Joshua He would not fail him nor forsake him. He told him to not be afraid , neither be dismayed; for the Lord God would be with him whithersoever he goes. Joshua succeeded Moses (after his death) in leading the people of Israel. God gave Joshua the key to success - meditating on God's word.

This first chapter of Joshua has been such a help to me. I know that in God's word I find the strength and courage to face anything. I am never alone - I may not have a friend to talk to in the wee hours of the morning, but I always have the Lord. He is my strength and courage and He has promised to see me through this ordeal.

I have the Lord to fight my battles. All I have to do is follow His directions for my life and He will do the rest. It's easier said than done, but it's what I plan to do. I will be strong and of good courage because the Lord my God is with me.

These posts of mine are mainly dwelling on my surgery. I do have blessings to count and God is blessing me through this trial. I have friends who are there for me and my church has blessed me and I know that the Lord will knit me back together again.

I know Susan and Gene need our prayers. I have not heard from Susan for a couple of days. I hope and pray that Gene will get better and that God will give Susan strength and peace to get through these hard days.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Trust and faith in the Lord

From Sandy -
I have 11 days until my surgery. I have to admit that sometimes I get so scared as the time passes so quickly. I want to get this over with and yet I think I could wait forever to have this surgery done. I still battle with these two feelings. I keep reading daily scripture and praying on my hands and knees for the Lord to be with me during this time. I have talked to two people that have had this procedure done and they are fine. I know that the Lord brought these people to me. I think what scares me the most is the fear of the unknown. I fear having my body cut into and losing an important part of my body. I fear pain and all that goes with it. I fear the day I walk into the hospital and they put me on a guerney and wheel me into surgery. I fear being at home during recovery and not being able to do things I normally would do for a while.

I am admitting these fears to you and to my Lord and Savior. He knows that I struggle every day with these fears and He provides me with the peace and comfort to get through the day. I have written before that the mornings when I first wake up are the hardest for me. I wake up with all the fears I mentioned in the previous paragraph. I have to literally get down on my hands and knees and pray for the peace and hope and faith to get me through the day. I've never had surgery before and I don't really like hospitals. I have to trust in God to be there with me and hold my hand. Sometimes I look at all these fears as being so self-centered. It's me, me, me all the time. I know I should always be looking up instead of looking down. When David wrote the book of Psalms, he went through so many experiences that I have gone through. God forgives us for our weaknesses and I know He will be there to see me through this "event" in my life.

I appreciate all the prayers. The Lord loves for us to come to Him in prayer and believe me He hears alot from me lately. Please continue to pray for Susan and Gene. The last I heard Gene was in ICU. Susan has a strong relationship with the Lord and I know He is her strength.

I know there are others here that need prayer. I'm new to this so I'm not sure how Susan gets names of people who need prayer or even how you can respond back to someone who has replied to my posts. We just need to pray for everyone here and trust the Lord to see us through the hard times in life.

Here is a prayer to live by - the prayer is not mine, it is from the book "Why me, God" written by Randy Petersen.

"Dear Lord, You know me, inside and out. You know how I'm dealing with this difficulty. You know what I'm doing right and wrong. You know my doubts and questions. You know the extent of my fragile faith.

When I cry myself to sleep, I know you hear me. When I lash out at others because of my own pain, I know you're there, too. And when I kneel before you in repentance and humility, I know you welcome me.

You promised life eternal, overflowing. That's what I want. Is there some way to bring me through these troubles in a way that brims with living? I must admit that sometimes I feel half-dead, but I need your energy flowing through me, your Spirit awakening my spirit. Let me radiate you presence to those around me. Let them see you living in me.

This I pray, in my struggling trust, clinging to the name of Jesus. Amen."

Friday, August 13, 2010

Thank you for your prayers!

I'm sorry that I haven't given many updates. I get up early and stay late with Gene at the hospital. I have never been through a major medical event prior to this. I never fully realized what a toll it takes on the loved one, the family, and yourself. My husband, Gene, had a large stroke. We have been on a nightmare rollercoaster ride. It seems like every day for the last 14 days something major has happened. He had to have bladder surgery, he had a bladder infection, a special filter surgery (sorry I can't remember what it is called) for two blood clots that they found, a feeding tube surgery, and yesterday, double pneumonia.

Yesterday afternoon, I thought he was dying. He was in such misery, I could hardly sit by him and watch him laboring to breathe. I sat praying for him, and I know lots of people are praying for him. In the early evening, he came out of it and was the most alert I've seen him since the stroke! He was smiling, trying to talk, and even got out "Hi kid", when I walked into the room once. It was really a miracle that everyone could see! I'm praying that we have "turned the corner", and he will begin to recover now.

I haven't called yet to see how he is this morning. He is in a rehab hosptial and they don't allow visitors to stay past 9:00 p.m. It is a good thing for the spouse and family. The nurses at the rehab are wonderful, so I have been able to relax a little. I know he is in good hands. I also know the Lord is watching over him. I wish I had time to tell you all the Lord has done to make this journey easier. He has walked ahead of us the whole way.

Please keep praying for Gene. He still needs to pass the "swallow test" so that he can eat on his own. Also, please pray for his recovery of his speech, his right arm, and leg.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and sweet emails. The prayers have been mighty, and the emails have touched my heart to the core.

I miss getting to write or read Sandy's blog. I did just read them, and Sandra you are blessing me through your words. I'm sorry about your chicken. It doesn't sound strange to me at all, I use to have a pet turkey. Hurkey Turkey was an amazing pet too!

I don't know when I will have time to write again. Our kids have had to go back home, so I will be on my own. I pray a blessing from the Lord on all of you!

In Jesus' love,
Susan

Please pray for Gene (healing), Sandy (colon surgery), Miriam (hip surgery), Bonnie (healing), Susan (to keep the joy of the Lord and that it may shine to others)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I am sad today

More from Sandy -

I am really not doing good today. I love animals and as silly as this may sound to some people, my pet chicken "Chicky Chick" died today. She was fine yesterday and she ate and drank last night but today we noticed that she was not able to keep her head up or stand up. I gave her some antibiotics and water, but it was too late. I feel as if I just lost a very good friend. She was always talking to me and she was a beautiful little chicken. She was born here in our back yard and I tried so hard to take care of her. I don't know what happened, but she is gone.

I know the Lord knows when a sparrow falls to the ground and He keeps track of them, so I know He was aware of my little chicken. I'm afraid I have nothing spiritual or uplifting to say right now. I am fighting back tears and I am also crying for myself. It's been one tough year and it has been a struggle. I lost my pot belly pig this year and my colon is being removed and I am just giving in to the losses in my life right now. I look at animals as being able to love and receive love back and that is what I've always tried to do with my animals is love them.

I know that this too shall pass, but for right now I feel devastated. The loss of my pet has brought back all the fear and anxiety that I have been handling pretty well. All I can do is trust in God. I am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

God Bless You

It's me again, Sandy. I'm making this post short but sweet. This was sent to me and I think it is so profound and wise - I wanted to share it with you.

If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything!
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything!

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God
Every moment, thank God

Sunday, August 8, 2010

More of Him and less of me

Hi everyone - it's me again, Sandy. I have not heard from Susan but hope and pray that Gene is on the road to recovery and that the Lord is giving Susan the strength and support that she needs at this difficult time.

I have been so busy lately preparing for my surgery. I know I won't be able to lift things or properly take care of my home after the surgery, so I have been cleaning and shopping and trying to get everything in order. I still wake up every morning feeling like a ton of bricks are on my back - but once I kneel and pray, I feel much better and get through the day with a much lighter feeling knowing that God is in charge. I love to start the day with part of my prayer being "Hello God, This is your day, I am your child, please show me the way". I have to turn my colon and body over to Him each morning and this enables me to get through the day with little or no worry about my surgery.

Friends, family and even strangers have been blessing me so much during this time of waiting. I am a people person and love to be around people. It's been hard this past year as the bank where I worked for 14 years was closed down by the FDIC and I miss all the wonderful people that I worked with. I have had to stay at home and have not had the money to do much. I guess the Lord gave me this "down" time to be alone and ponder just who I am and why I'm here inhabiting a small piece of this large world we live in. I have felt lonely and worthless and have gotten really lazy. God in His wonderful way turned my world upside down and He has definitely given me a purpose in this life of mine. Having always been a whiner and a "poor me" type, I do believe I have finally matured. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I certainly don't want to feel sorry for myself. I have to be strong and face this trial head on. I have to be brave for my family and prove to them that the Lord has and will sustain me throughout this period of my life. I honestly feel that the answer to handling all of life's ups and downs is to put God first and everything else including me, second. The more I dwell upon God's word and His love and His promises, the less I dwell on my health and the surgery.

The Lord has given me a precious gift. He has given me Himself. He has always been there throughout all my fears and trepidations, but now I know Him and I truly trust Him. If it were not for this present situation that I find myself in, I would have never felt so close to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I still envision bowing down at his feet and touching the hem of his robe. He looks down at me and lifts me to my feet and tells me "I will heal you".

My growing relationship with the Lord reminds me of the song from The King and I - Getting to Know You -
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you,
getting to like you, getting to know you like me,
Getting to know you, putting it my way but nicely,
You are precisely my cup of tea
Getting to know you, getting to feel free and easy,
When I am with you, getting to know what to say,
Haven't you noticed suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new things I'm learning about you
Day by day

I hope no one takes offense to this comparison - but I feel so comfortable with the Lord that the words to this song apply so much to my experience with Him. Through the trials and tribulations of life, we really get to know our Heavenly Father and know Him as our Father.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Three weeks til surgery

More from Sandy -



First of all I want to let you know that I have heard from Susan. She is waiting for Gene to be moved to a rehabilitation center. She is not home much and not getting alot of sleep, so please keep her and Gene in your prayers.



I just wanted to talk tonight about my surgery. It scares me, but the Lord has assured me He will see me through it and will be with me every step of the way. Last night I sat in front of my computer and cried because I stopped a minute and let self-pity and fear push out the faith and strength that the Lord has provided. I still am wrestling with the fact that "if it's not broke why fix it". Although I know that my colon is not healthy and the Lord led me to this point, being so very human, I keep thinking "what if there's nothing wrong and they take out a part of my body that is o.k." It would actually be easier to accept the surgery if I had pain, or something "not right" with my bodily functions - but this is not the case. Then I have to stop and tell myself that my life is being saved because the Lord led me to the colonoscopy. He knew that I would never have had one done and had refused to have one done 14 years ago when it was suggested to me by my doctor.



I think about how this surgery will change my life and I get fearful. I have been eating everything and anything lately because I know that I won't be able to after surgery. Every once in a while I say goodbye to my colon. This in itself makes me feel sad, but it's diseased and it has to go. I'm just telling it like it is tonight. My feelings have gone all over the place. However (and this is a big huge HOWEVER) I am amazed that I am handling all of this as well as I have for the majority of the time. Being the anxiety ridden person that I am, I have always worried about lumps and pain and imagined the worst. I have actually made myself sick in the past over worry. I can't pat myself on the back for feeling halfway normal at this point - I know the Lord has given me serenity and peace of mind. I slip back to fear every once in a while, and that's when I pick up one of my little books on daily scripture or the Bible and it sets me right back on track again. I get scared sometimes from what people say. My own daughter talked to me about pain after the surgery and that was a set-back. Another set-back this week was when I received a phone call from the hospital's Genetics Dept. concerning my blood test for a cancer gene - the results are not back yet. I have to add here that I know I don't carry that gene - I feel it in my inner most being and know this is coming from God. But when I get fearful and self-centered all thoughts of the Lord get driven out and replaced with anxiety, fear and depression. That's when I stop everything and run to the Lord.



Today I had lunch with a good friend that has had four colon surgeries. She has been such a blessing and has shared so much with me. I thank the Lord for her. She has a friend that had the same surgery done a year ago and she is going to provide me with his phone number because he will share with me all about his "j-pouch". I am grateful for the people that the Lord is putting in my life right now and I know that He is loving me and helping me through them.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Waiting and Patience

Again, I am filling in for Susan. I just wanted to share my experience with Patience and Waiting. Since May 11 I have known that I would have to have surgery. I didn't know at that time how extensive, but the doctor told me when I awoke after the colonoscopy that I would have to have surgery. I have never been a patient person and I hate to wait. I hate to wait for a red light to turn green and I hate to wait for vacations or holidays. When I want something or feel I need something - I want it right now. I lack the patience to wait for anything. I become impatient with people whom I think are acting or reacting too slow. I am impatient to get things done. When I am given a job to do - I want it done now and I start right away. When I was in school, I always got my homework completed as soon as I got it and term papers or special projects were also completed as soon as possible. So, the waiting for my surgery has been a test of patience. In a way I think I could wait forever for this surgery and yet I want it over and done with. I have always asked God for more patience and isn't it funny how God teaches me this lesson. He has put an event in my life that I dread and yet I want to get it over with. This dilemma is teaching me more about God's timing - not mine. The whole situation has taught me to turn it all over to God with faith and trust in Him. I still marvel at the "normal" life I am living daily in spite of the looming surgery. This serenity and peace of mind is from Him. He knew that I needed time to ponder the whole situation to be able to accept it. How Great is our God. I can't begin to express the love I have for Him and the gratitude I have for the valuable lessons He has taught me just through this one trial in my life. I am so grateful for two wonderful parents who raised me up to know the Lord. I have always lived with Him and loved Him - but not like I do today. He is my world and I praise him. There are times at night or in the wee hours of the morning when I am all alone and afraid - but not alone because I have the Lord with me and who better to whisper words of comfort and hope to me than the Lord. I am still learning to wait upon the Lord and I cast all my care upon Him - for he cares for me.

Monday, August 2, 2010

JUST BELIEVE

Hi everyone - Susan has asked me to blog while she is with Gene. We all need to keep them in our prayers.

I found out the date for my surgery. It will be Friday, August 27. It's so hard to imagine that I have to have my colon removed when I feel so healthy. I feel energetic and I have absolutely no problems from all the polyps that are in my colon. However, I know that God led me to this point and I know that He wants me around for a little longer. The events that happened to lead me to the colonoscopy were from Him. I will have a new beginning and I trust the Lord now more than I ever have. At first it was the scariest thing I've ever faced, but the Lord has given me the time and patience to work it out in my mind and I am almost at peace with the surgery. I know that Jesus will be holding my hand and I picture bending down at his feet to touch his robe and being healed. He constantly tells me "Be not afraid - just believe". I cannot tell you what peace this brings to my soul. I find that dwelling on the Lord and taking me eyes off of me helps in ways beyond understanding. The peace of mind that has come to me lately is a gift from God.

I sat down Saturday morning and listed all the things that God has blessed me with. It was a beautiful experience to see how he has been there and "fixed" things for me the past few months. Although I have been through the fire, He has been there to keep me from harm. He has blessed my daughter with no polyps - she just had a colonoscopy because of me. He has blessed my sister with no polyps - she as well had a colonoscopy because of me. He healed my puppy's broken leg and he has provided for my husband and I financially. I am truly blessed and I know He will continue to bless me through the surgery and healing process. All I have to do is "just believe".

I know I am weak, but He is strong - yes, Jesus loves me.

Please pray for Gene's healing and strength and rest for Susan
Bonnie's healing of her tumor
Miriam's healing by a miracle or successful hip surgery on Aug. 14
Sandy's healing by a miracle or successful surgery
Nancy a job
Butch to hear from his daughter

Thank you!

Dear Friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write more to you all. Gene’s kids and mine have all been here trying to help, but I just haven’t felt like I can leave Gene’s bedside for long. The kids have been sitting with him the last two nights so I could get some sleep in my own bed. Trying to sleep in a chair is almost impossible! I’m so tired, that I just come home, try to read your sweet emails and comments, and then I plop into bed!

I’m really not sure what Gene’s recovery is going to be yet. They found some bleeding in the brain. We are told this is normal, but not good if it continues. He is looking so much better and is stronger. He is saying some words. He is very frustrated. (One can only imagine.) The physical therapists worked with him yesterday and were amazed that he could stand up with them. They seemed very optimistic for the rehab of his right side which is affected.

Today he needs to pass the swallow test, so he can eat and drink. Please pray that he will pass it. He let me know he is starving, the poor guy.

Please pray for me to be strong. It is tearing my heart out to see him like this. I know there is hope, as I have heard from friends who know of friends or family who had the same issues and are doing great! I know the Lord hears our prayers.

I’m learning this is really a day by day experience. I will write when I have time. I have to write from my home computer.

Gene was in really good spirits yesterday. It was wonderful to see him smiling and even laughing. It felt so good for both of us.

I know the Lord has a plan, and I know He is in Control.
Please pray that I keep that in my heart and soul!

Thank you so much!
Susan